Friday, May 11, 2012

5-11-12: Barack Obama Said Something on Wednesday

Talk about a week of diversi-tea.  On Tuesday, Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann eagerly announced to the world that she was a proud citizen of Switzerland. (In American layman, Switzerland auto-corrects to socialism).  The right-wing nuts smell blood.  Sadly, Michele just renounced her Swiss ties.  What a tragic turn of events. 

We've always been open-minded here at Turner Central, Michele.  Please stop by anytime!

The Week That Was

Guess who's conducting more social engineering experiments right here in the U.S.A.? President Obama sat down for one of those hated softball interviews with Robin Roberts to profess his love for same-sex marriageHooray for Joe Biden, no? But you know what? Not everyone is enamored with Barry's change of heart.  Why, just last Tuesday, a good number of North Carolina voters told the gays to basically pack up and leave as TR forwardobamasecond-class citizens.  Shep says we've arrived at the 21st century.  Not quite, sir.  (But we gotta ask, Shep, if Roger handed you a pink slip for committing blasphemy in front of your viewers).

The Washington Post ran a piece on bullying and homophobia the morning after.  What a coincidence! It appears former gay rights supporter Mitt Romney was involved in your typical high school hijinks.  The campaign is desperately seeking (or bullying?) former classmates to prove what a classy and down-to-earth guy Romney was.  For his part, Mittens does not recall those years of living in luxury, terrorizing gays and disabled teachers.  Mitt has simply forgotten about the most informative years of his life, just like his tax returns.  Taibbi: this might be the wrong year for you.

Another moderate has fallen.  Six-term Indiana Senator Dick Lugar will not be returning to Capitol Hill come January.  Richard Mourdock crushed Lugar by an overwhelming twenty-point margin.  He's a Tea Partyer, alright; just as Mitt Romney is a severe conservative.  But who cares about bipartisanship these days! And, finally, let's give a round of applause to Inmate No. 11593-051 at the Federal Correctional Institute in Texarkana, TX, for a respectable second-place finish in the Democratic presidential primary in West Virginia.  Thanks for the laughs (and lax election laws!).

NARAL President Nancy Keenan is stepping down in January.  She says it's time for a younger generation of pro-choice activists to take the helm of the movement.  We await a similar announcement from Randall Terry.

Breaking news from the alternate universe: a Republican congressman is defending Planned Parenthood!!!  Rep. Robert Dold (RINO-IL) held a press conference announcing his intention to introduce legislation that would protect federal funding TR jabbadesignated for Planned Parenthood.  Meanwhile, Rush Limbaugh is still smarting over the millions lost and now he's launched his own campaign.  54,000 'likes' and counting.  Those patriots bring tears to our eyes.  Now, let's return to our universe.  Senate Republicans blocked a "manufactured crisis" (a rise in student loan rates) and are punting the issue to their House colleagues, who have offered to pay for increased rates by slashing the preventative health care fund.  Don't those Republicans just give you the fuzzies? Were you also aware of an Iranian missile threat to the East Coast? We're guessing Boehner had to drudge this up because that whole bin Laden guy is off the table.

Mon dieu! French President Nicholas Sarkozy has been booted from the presidential palace by Francois Hollande.  We hear the palace staff is rejoicing, for the ban on cheese and chocolate is coming to an end.  Here, here! Oh, did we mention Mr. Hollande is a socialist? Socialist! What's next? A community organizer from Kenya?

Are You Not Entertained?

Iranian government tech people have never been at the cutting edge of communications, so its not exactly a surprise that Jar Jar Binks wound up at a missile test range.  BTW, what is going on in the upper-right corner?

Some sad news: author and illustrator Maurice Sendak, who was known for "Where the TR hoodiezuckerbergWild Things Are," passed away on Tuesday. 

Apparently hoodies are not THE thing on Wall Street.  Some analyst named Michael Pachter took Zuck's attire as a sign of immaturity, that the Facebook executive doesn't take investors seriously.  For a company already worth billions, Mark Zuckerberg is certainly a terrible CEO.

Contrary to what the media claims, Rick Santorum is not the latest high-profile figure to endorse Mitt Romney.  No, that honor goes to "Admiral General Aladeen." Aladeen is backing "Mitchell" for his wealth and treatment of pets.  It's been a tough week for ol' Mittens.

Interweb Tomfoolery

Before we continue, we want to wish all of our moms a Happy Mother’s Day.  Some of us are running around last minute, trying to think about something creative to buy or make for our moms.  Fortunately, there are plenty of options at our fingertips for last-minute shoppers.  Happy Mother’s Day!

So you have this amazing project that you’ve been dreaming up for years, and now you are on the cusp of launching a social media campaign.  You have great ideas about this campaign.  You are planning to utilize Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr as the three major platforms for this project.  But you are missing one important piece of the puzzle: you haven’t thought about when the best times are to post.  For example, it’s a good idea to limit posts to Facebook after 8 p.m. and before 8 a.m. during the week and on weekends.  If you have a Tumblr, you had better be posting content on Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays.  Best of luck on your launch!

Out on the Town

Do something special for mom this Mother's Day!
  • There will be jazz, food, and more at BikeFest at Eastern Market.
Scorecard

Well, isn't that something?  Joe Biden opens his mouth, Barack is a-okay with same-sex marriage, and Mitt Romney is facing a firestorm over bullying.  We can only hope for a more interesting week.

Until next time,

RoyalExecutioner

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