Friday, March 30, 2012

3-30-12: Real Americans Own a Car Elevator

Matt Doheny, a GOP congressional candidate running in New York's 21st District was caught (or, should we say, put himself) into a bad position while he was out and about in Washington.  Doheny, as you may recall, ran unsuccessfully in 2009 and 2010 against Bill Owens, and back then, had to explain his past BWI offenses.  Good luck to you sir, and thank you for keeping the 21st blue.

Cheers!

The Week That Was

Yes, folks, we too are exhausted from the media's coverage of Jeffrey Toobin's coverage of the Supreme Court health care battle.  Was the Obama defense a train-wreck or a plane-wreck? We are not certain about the answer.  Please enlighten us, Mr. Toobin!  The pundits were paying close attention to Justice Anthony Kennedy, who is considered the swing vote.  Democrats, TR teapartyscon the other hand, are seething at Antonin Scalia for a being the court jokester.  How bad does it look for the Obama White House?  Ask the broccoli.  Did we forget to mention that Jeffrey Toobin thinks the law will be struck down?

Now, we take you to the Court steps, where the Teabaggers, after months of introspection, have emerged from the psychiatric ward.  We don't have concrete evidence, but we're pretty sure some of them held recently-cut checks stamped by Koch Industries.  Anyhoo, we witnessed the typical congressional loonies blabbing about socialism, redneck mandates and whatever else appeases our four-digit friends.  And then, in the blink of an eye, they returned home to vote for that socialist Mitt Romney.

Mittens is finally getting the hang of the stand-up comedy routine.  This week, the Massachusetts liberal made a funny about how daddy shut down a factory in Michigan and moved production to neighboring Wisconsin.  George Romney then ran for governor in Michigan.  He won that race, of course.  (They forgave him?).  Ha ha, people losing jobs = funny!  Also, Politico "received" documents from a rival campaign that laid out Romney's plan for a fancy California beach house plus 4-car garage.  The cars will have their own lift. 
 
House Republicans voted overwhelmingly in favor of the Paul Ryan Path to Prosperity "Except for Poors" budget proposal.  Ryan says if his bill isn't made into law, we'll run the risk of "shutting down the American Dream."  Ha ha, we gave that up a longgg time ago.  Food stamps, federal worker retirement benefits and health care programs are said to be in the cross-hairs of our family-friendly representatives who just fled for spring recess.  If you plan on getting sick, do it before they return!

DSK released on bail.  What?  The former head of the International Monetary Fund was charged with involvement in a prostitution ring in France.  The lawyers say Strauss-Kahn had NO IDEA he was in the company of prostitutes in Washington and Paris.  You may remember that DSK was accused of sexual assault by a New York housekeeper.  That case was dropped, but Straussy admitted that his encounter with the housekeeper was "an error" and a "moral failure." Money: it can get you anywhere these days (unless you're Jon Corzine).

Are You Not Entertained?

Herman Cain is still trying to make connections, but to whom, we haven't a clue.  This latest cinematic creation from our resident pizza mogul is about "federal debt, crazy deficits, wasteful government spending, and more!"  Oh, and Herman hates stimulus, too.

TR twitterbieberIs wittle Biebs in twouble again?  As you know, millions of Bieber fans follow the singer on Twitter, which makes playing a prank all the more tempting.  His little game of "guess my number" has the victims lining up lawyers.  But Biebs isn't the only one getting in trouble on Twitter this week.

Greg Smith, who wrote a scathing op-ed burning Goldman Sachs, has a book deal!  He is said to have signed a $1.5 million deal for a memoir detailing his days at the financial giant.  To our money whiz readers: how long would it have taken Greg, if he had remained at Goldman "working in the best interest of his clients," to net $1.5 million?

Charlie Sheen is promising "awesome success" for his new show, Anger Management.  Did this guy attend anger management classes after his Two and a Half Men dismissal last year?  Yeah...no fuzzies from us, Charlie.

Interweb Tomfoolery

Today is our un-official Facebook Day at Turner Central!  Just a reminder: Facebook will be switching all brand pages to Timeline today.  We hope that you’ve already picked out that snazzy image you’ll be using for your cover photo.  Facebook decided to transition to the new layout in the middle of the cherry blossom season, when you want to leave work early and enjoy the weather.  Seriously, Zuckerberg?  Change is coming, whether you're ready or not.

One of the latest features that Facebook has rolled out is interest lists.  Interest lists will help you weed through your news and pick information most interesting to you.  Lists can be public, private or available just to your friends.  If you are familiar with Twitter lists, you are basically set to go with Facebook interest lists.  So, start list building - and don’t forget to make them available to us as well!

So how are our 2012 presidential candidates faring with the new Facebook changes and how can they improve their pages to improve their brand?  Not surprisingly, Barack Obama is winning the race with 25.8 million fans and counting.  The Obama campaign was one of the first to switch over to Timeline.  The Republican frontrunner Mitt Romney has a loyal following of just over 1.5 million people, but his engagement strategy requires a little more work from his supporters. (Laziness will not be tolerated).  One Turner colleague offers this helpful hint for Facebook Mitt: be more authentic.  Haha.

Out on the Town

You may not have money to throw around like our Mittens, but that doesn't mean that you can't have fun this weekend.
  • SBTRKT is at the 9:30 Club tonight.
  • Former LA Times reporter Josh Meyer discusses the hunt for KSM at Politics and Prose.
Scorecard

What's the matter?  Do you not own four Cadillacs and mansions in both New Hampshire and California?  Why don't you Believe in America?  Do not bother us with your troubles!

Until next week,

RoyalExecutioner

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