Friday, March 16, 2012

3-16-12: Shoot a Leopard, Become a Trump

Welcome to another Friday and another day of wonderful summer-like weather. Nothing could possible dampen our day... except, maybe reading about a recent report laying out what would happen if a nuclear device went off a couple of blocks from Turner Central. Think good thoughts. Think good thoughts.

Here's a dose of snark to brighten up your (and our) day.

The Week That Was

Rick's Surge surged, for lack of better words, through the South this week. Alabama and Mississippi Republicans emerged from time's past and voted for the real deal. He will not win. But the news wasn't all bad for Mitt Romney, who emerged with two overwhelming wins in Hawaii and the American Samoa. If you TR Surgedidn't already know, every election since the dawn of time has been determined by these two Pacific paradises. We kid. So much for connecting with real Americans, Mitt. In other news, NBC has done the deed - they've pulled the last embedded reporter from the Ron Paul campaign. How's that for an audit, Ron?

The AFL-CIO endorsed President Obama while acknowledging friction between the two camps stemming from card-check legislation, the Keystone pipeline and a number of free trade agreements. (We now urge you to read the colorful comments below said story). Oy, but if you thought that some Politico comment box rubbish would knock Barry off his game, just wait until you've skimmed over some new polling data! Our friends wayyyy below the Mason-Dixon line are still raising their fists in anger over that Muslim Kenyan-born usurper occupying the White House. And while you're still looking over the numbers, why not also take a trip back in time (but not too far!) with a few South Carolina patriots.

"Some conservatives are feeling trapped," say the wordsmiths over at the New York Times. The conservatives, of course, are the Republican men of the United States Senate. They are none too happy as Democrats push to reauthorize the Violence Against Women Act in the coming weeks. We understand there's some contention surrounding provisions that expand programs to rural areas and Native American populations, legal assistance to domestic violence victims, and extend the definition of violence against women to include stalking. Wait a minute, are these bad things? Well, people, if you have something to say, take it to Facebook! The Los Angeles Times will gladly accept submissions, too. Finally, Mitt Romney wants to get rid of Planned Parenthood. There's still time to turn that flip-flopper around...NOT!

TR afghanprotests
You know, we were just getting somewhere, wherever THAT may be, in Afghanistan. First the Koran burning and now this horrific massacre in which a US soldier is accused of killing 16 Afghan civilians. The still unidentified shooter has been flown back to the United States and Defense officials aren't ruling out the possibility of trying the case in Afghanistan. Meanwhile, Karzai is demanding that NATO forces pull back to major bases. The Obama Administration is not backing off from its timetable of withdrawing troops in 2013. Barry wants us to leave responsibly so we "don't have to go back in." Call us pessimists, but we think we've screwed up enough already!

And we haven't forgotten about you, Syria. UN officials say that more than 8,000 have died since President Assad's government initiated a violent crackdown. Assad's uncle recently questioned British Prime Minister David Cameron (how timely!) - asking why no tanks had been deployed to slaughter British citizens during the London riots. Some people. Just ridiculous.

Are You Not Entertained?

Rush Limbaugh is taking his garbage to the Twitter after all these years. The "only genuine" Limbaugh account is relatively bare as of this posting, so we aren't certain if he knows how to raise up this army he speaks of. We so can't wait to cover his first Tweetup.

The Donald is having a little PR problem, but then again, any exposure is good for the Toupee. It seems his sons were on one of TR TrumpHuntingthose African safari tours, if we can even call it that. But instead of a set of trusty binoculars to take in the view, Eric and Donald, Jr. brought out the big guns, and put those endangered animals in their place!

Barack Obama's "The Road We've Traveled" campaign documentary thingy debuted last night. It's darn good propaganda as the critics would argue. Speaking of propaganda: Paul Ryan is desperately playing copycat in a new, low-quality video. (Darn those interns!). America deserves a better path, Mr. Ryan. Preferably one that doesn't entail you to producing campaign-like videos on the taxpayer dime.

George Clooney got himself arrested today outside the Sudan embassy, hoping to bring attention to the ongoing humanitarian crisis in the South African country. We would've been there as well, but, then again, you wouldn't be reading this if we had gone. That, and we don't know anyone from TMZ.

Interweb Tomfoolery

Hey folks, if you want to save more, you’d better get out that #AmEx of yours. Haha. Joking and fees aside, American Express stole the show at SXSW by launching a tweet-and-save program. Here’s what to do, loyal, chained American Express cardholders: sync your accounts with your Twitter handle, tweet with the specified hashtags, and save money. What’s the most famous hashtag thus far? #AmexMcDonalds. How dirty we feel for shilling this. Innovative capitalism at its best!

We’re calling this week “SXSW round up week,” because, again we are writing about another innovative tool announced at the technology and music festival. YouTube now offers Livestreaming for Non-Profits as an addition to its already solid nonprofit program. Nonprofits can now set up live cameras at events and solicit real-time action by viewers. Who knows, you may soon see one of us from Turner Central breaking new ground with camera in hand.

Out on the Town

Happy pre-St. Patrick's Day! There's plenty to do tomorrow and beyond.

  • Stop by Gaithersburg's 12th Annual St. Patrick's Day Parade.
Scorecard

Democrats are having a hoot watching our favorite Republican presidential candidates shredding each other to bits. Remember, just months ago, when people were writing off a second term for Barry? Well, we're off to celebrate at the firing range, "looking" at a few fuzzy animals.

Just kidding!


RoyalExecutioner

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