Friday, January 27, 2012

1-27-12: Barack Obama is America's Worst Comedian

It's been a quirky week in politics, if we do say so ourselves.  President Obama and Arizona Governor Jan Brewer were embroiled in a war of words, to the delight of the traveling press pool.  Our next president, Newt Gingrich, promises to lower taxes AND usher in a new era of space exploration - starting with a lunar base by 2020.  And finally, Rand Paul, well, he got into some trouble with those fascist TSA workers. Don't tread on me!

It's been one fun week!

The Week That Was

Well aren't you Americans a proud bunch.  On Tuesday, Professor Obama gave his annual State of the Union address to the children of this blessed nation, who have somehow managed to reach a reading comprehension level that rivals that of an eighth grader.  How far we've come!  Because the SOTU is supposed to be a VERY SERIOUS matter, our leader thought it would be a great idea to crack a joke about milk and oil.  Jason Chaffetz was not impressed. (We wouldn't be either if we were forced to sit through a Jazz game). On a less snarky note - yes, we do have those from time to time - we wish all the best for Gabrielle Giffords as she continues her rehabilitation.  We're also pulling for Mark Kirk after a medical scare earlier this week.

Mitt Romney's magic mittens may have breathed new life into his campaign, days after his disastrous second-place finish in South Carolina.  And adding to that, North Floridians say that Romney's too rich. So, what will it be, conservatives?  Is he a terrible guy for being relatively liberal or because he's uber wealthy from all of his offshore investments?   And don't you dare blame capitalism and freedom, because we know you love them just as much.  Meanwhile, Newt Gingrich didn't do himself any favors when he crashed and burned through Wolf Blitzer's entertainment zone.  Newt's performance was so bad that his own spokesman called the night a great one for...Rick Santorum.
 
This past Sunday was the 39th anniversary of Roe v. Wade. The fight for women's reproductive rights continues more than four decades after that decision. And now we've been told it's so bad in Oklahoma that one lawmaker introduced a bill banning the making and sale of products containing aborted human fetuses. There must be some nationwide epidemic that we're just not aware of.

Maryland and Washington states are moving closer to marriage equality.  The governors of both states have pledged to sign same-sex marriage bills into law once their respective legislatures  approve.  Washington appears closer to that goal.  But take a short flight to New Jersey and you'll find Chris Christie standing in the   TR seattleneedleway of equality.  Meanwhile, a handful of Minnesota parents are pressuring one school district to teach a little of that "ex-gay therapy" stuff in the classroom. No joke. And this is in Michele Bachmann's district!  We're hearing that Marcus is available for consultations now that Michele's presidential campaign is over.

2011 was a flat year for the folks on K Street.  While not doing the bidding of the American people (right!), a few lobby shops have taken up the noble work of defending the Egyptian government.  Cracking down on NGOs and pro-democracy organizations is all in a day's work.

This week has had its share of anniversaries, eh?  It's been a full year since the beginning of protests in Egypt that led to the "Arab Spring" which swept the region.  Thousands marched in Cairo to mark the date.  Protestors continue their calls for military rulers to relinquish their power almost a year after Hosni Mubarak was forced out.

Are You Not Entertained?

Thankfully, we missed Steven Tyler's rendition of The Star-Spangled Banner.  His singing will be one for the history books.  Maybe you tuned into the game at Candlestick, where Kristin Chenoweth fared much better.

Sorry to ruin your Friday, but have you ever tried roadkill?  Haha, we didn't think so, but it never hurts to try, like the hosts of the Today Show.

There are a lot of smart people in the world that do dumb things. That's from a co-star of Jersey Shore. "We are all smart in our own way," Sammi Giancola says.  Boy, we hope she's right about this, considering the ratings the show reaps every season.

The 2012 Oscar nominees are out.  Is it already that time of year again?

Kim Kardashian or perhaps one of her many assistants spends his or her day sifting through Google Alerts like any good PR person does.  One day, Google Alerts will be restricted to only news pieces, and then magically, Kim Kardashian will disappear.

Your Royal Executioner has been to Alcatraz, for um, all the right reasons.  It's very cold out in the Bay.  But jeez, some people take their teevee obsessions a little too far.

Interweb Tomfoolery

Chuck Grassley's Twitter account was hacked.  Instead of the normal gobbledegook we associate from good ol' Chuck's feed, we were surprised to find a few coherent sentences in praise of SOPA and PIPA, and his love of ice cream.

McDonald's wants to hear your stories about the quality food product it provides to millions everyday.  It turns out the people on Twitter had a different idea.  Now that's a PR fail.

Facebook slaves, your time is now up to switch over to the "new" Timeline feature.  You still have a few days to sanitize your page before big Zucker takes control of your life forever.

Before you erase that thought, we'd like to remind you that Google is doing a little consolidating as well.  The company will be unifying dozens of its services under one privacy policy, allowing it to share user information across those products.  You can't opt out.

The best criminals cover their tracks and go into hiding.  Not this guy, though.  Rodney Wayne Hill, who had been involved in a standoff with the police, went all Hollywood on us and just had to speak to reporters gathering outside him home.  That's a scene made for the movies.

Fridays with Abigail

My mother worries when I travel. (Or even when I don't, really.)  But now I no longer need to "send her a text when I land" or "call when I'm home safely."  Why? Introducing HashtagMom.  This is a service designed to lighten the load on us all, and I couldn't be more delighted about something this nerdy and useful.  The idea is simple: you sync it up with FourSquare and simply add the #mom hashtag to your Foursquare check-ins.  Once you do that, HashtagMom will send a text or call to the number you provide that will tell your mother you arrived safely.  And please, no one tell me you don't need this because you're over the age of X - mothers (and fathers!) don't care at all about things like that. But I'm sure you knew that already.

Out on the Town

How many of you folks Yelp your way across DC?  Are you a stereotypical Yelper?  Before you head out to wine, dine and review, ask yourself this: Do I look like a Yelper?
 
  • A Chinese New Year isn't complete without the food.   
  • BachFest, only at the Library of Congress.
Scorecard

For a split second, Newt Gingrich was the inevitable nominee to take on Barack Obama in the fall. Sorry, Newt, but it looks like Florida will be sending you back to your old "historian" job.  Mittens, meanwhile, continues to dig himself into a deeper hole with Americans who shamefully lack a bank account in the Cayman Islands.

Until next week,

RoyalExecutioner



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