Friday, November 11, 2011

11-11-11: Eleven-Eleven-Eleven

Good news, everyone! Okay, not so much: Last year, 49 million Americans were considered to be in poverty by the Census Bureau. Entitlement program supporters say now is not the time for significant changes to Medicare and Social Security. And now, we turn to the expert on this issue: Michele Bachmann. There's no turning back from frugal socialism.

Let's continue...

The Week That Was

The Wall Street Journal broke the news that White House Chief of Staff Bill Daley transferred his day-to-day management responsibilities to fellow staffer Pete Rouse. Naturally, the White House press machine is pushing back hard against an overzealous media. Daley was brought on board last year to mend relations with Congress and business community. Well, that didn't work so well.

Texas Toast. That's what everyone's saying about Rick Perry after Wednesday's debate. It took poor Rick 45 seconds to name two out of three federal agencies he'd like to see abolished. Just two! Classy commercial flyer Mitt Romney has more than two positions on the issues, but he still manages to outshine his competitors. Giddy up, Rick! There's a village in Texas waiting to get its idiot back.

Meanwhile, Herman Cain, who also fell victim to a Rick Perry moment, is slipping a bit in the polls as more women come forward, accusing the Pizza Man of sexual misconduct. The American Mustache Institute hilariously withdrew its game-changing endorsement. They accuse Mr. Cain of sporting a fake mustache, and his pizza chain of misleading customers on the topping portions. Who's the next flavor of the month? Newt Gingrich.

The idiot of the week award goes to Illinois Rep. Joe Walsh, who is clearly the worst member of Congress in recent history. His fame skyrocketed after it was revealed that he failed to keep up with child support payments while simultaneously pumping big bucks into his campaign. Now, he's apologized to a woman for his bizarre outburst at a constituent Q & A session. (He still claims to be right on the issues and blames the coffee). Joe, it appears you've forgotten what a video camera is. Bye-bye in 2012, mister.

Democrats didn't do that bad on Election Day 2011. Mississippians defied the history books by rejecting a 'personhood' measure that would have defined life as starting at fertilization. Well done, y'all. In Arizona, Senate President Russell Pearce, who really has a thing against illegal immigrants, lost to a fellow Republican. Hate can only get you so far.

Well, it appears that the Obama Administration got the message when thousands of people circled the White House to protest a proposed Keystone XL pipeline extension. Because the 2012 election is right around the corner, the State Department has pushed for another rigorous environmental review in 2013. TR overturnedvan

Pennsylvania State University fired its president and head football coach over accusations that the two mishandled a growing child sex-abuse scandal that has engulfed the institution. Thousands of students who supported former coach Joe Paterno took to the streets in protest, clashing with police. Fired for not reporting such disgusting behavior to the authorities? Sounds reasonable. Destroying property? Not so much.

Greece has a new prime minister. Lucas Papademos is a former vice-president of the European Central Bank (is that a plus?) and Governor of the Greece of Bank. Papademos pledged to keep Greece on the euro as he works with a new unity government to solve the country's financial troubles. His successor will be elected in next February's election. Also this week in resignation news: Italy's pervy, sex-obsessed prime minister, Silvio Berlusconi, will step down with a legacy of shame.

Are You Not Entertained?

Yet another grifter tale: A gaggle of Tennessee conservatives are furious and now suing Anthony Loiacono for allegedly scamming them out of hundreds of thousands of dollars after investing in Tea Party HD, which is supposed to be some kind of Dan Rather knock-off. The investors were promised a return of $19 million over three years. High-definition television and the Tea Party. Aren't they mutually exclusive? Not if you're Michele Bachmann.

Your government cares so much about your safety that it ran a national emergency alert system test Wednesday. Oh, you didn't hear? FEMA and DHS held its first and less-than-stellar test via radio and television outlets - two mediums that are experiencing skyrocketing growth in today's digital media world. And some viewers reported that Lady Gaga made a surprise appearance.

Marge, Bart and Lisa are finally taking on the food blog craze. Their new hobby won't stop Homer from complaining, though. What's the point of blogging if you've already eaten? He's the last line of defense against the portion-control craze! Mmm...donuts.

CBS commentator Andy Rooney passed away last Friday. He was best known for his unabashed segments at the end of the weekly 60-Minutes series.

This kid may have had a future in the entertainment biz. before his dad and YouTube ruined it.

Interweb Tomfoolery

That whole petition thingy the White House debuted a few weeks back has produced some out-of-this-world ideas. Others say the whole thing's a sham. We'll let you decide if petitioning the White House is worth your time.

Happy 11/11/11 Day! We can't wait for 12/12/12!

Those countless hours stalking on Facebook may be healthy for you! Well, excluding the stalking part. Keith Hampton at the University of Pennsylvania says that Facebook users receive more overall emotional and social support than their non-Facebook peers.

Gary Boisclair, a congressional candidate challenging Minnesota Rep. Keith Ellison, is running a particularly offensive web ad targeting the incumbent over his religion. Thankfully, YouTube stood by its policy against shocking and disgusting content. Boisclair is anti-abortion and claims to be a Democrat.

Taxes. Taxes. Taxes! Merry Christmas, from your friends at Fox News. The coverage alone was enough to force the USDA to back down.

There's a reason police departments are resorting to fines for abusing 9-1-1. Michael Skopec dialed 9-1-1 FIVE times to report that his iPhone was malfunctioning. Skopec was charged with resisting a peace officer, after the cops traced the call and showed up at his home. Disclaimer - we have nothing against Apple users.

Out on the Town

We're looking at some nice weather this weekend. Enjoy it!
  • Take some time to visit the memorials on the National Mall or the many others in the region
Scorecard

We know some of you have the day off today. Take some time to remember those who have sacrificed throughout America's history and think of the men and women serving in uniform today.

Until next week,

RoyalExecutioner

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