Friday, September 30, 2011

9-30-11: Laughable Lamestream Media Forgot to Report on the End of America

Getting tired of the Washington traffic? Thanks to a relatively strong economy (good news?), the DC metro region beat out Chicago and Los Angeles to take the number one spot in a study by Texas A&M. Drivers slogging through DC spend three days a year in traffic. Well, at least we have a top-of-the-line public transit system, right? Hah! If you're planning to use the Metro this weekend, be ready for the pain.

Take in some snark while you wait.

The Week That Was

President Obama returned to Washington after a campaign/work tour out West. A certain White House staffer saw it fit to confuse press people (except CNN) by performing a switch-e-roo with Colorado and Wyoming. Was Barack planning to hatch an evil plan with Dick Cheney? There was TR Obamacowboya badly-timed phone call and a heckling, but all in all, it was a successful fundraising swing for the President.

Immigration activists: Have no worry! Obama is still committed to comprehensive immigration reform. We're more than a year away from the 2012 Presidential election and that's more than enough time, right? Not so fast, says Mitch McConnell. Smoke and mirrors. ICE arrested about 3,000 illegal immigrants with criminal records, while the great State of Alabama has been given the green light for its tough immigration laws. Thanks for taking the mantle away from Arizona and Sheriff Joe.

Have you all been glued to the teevee watching coverage of the ongoing "occupation" of Wall Street? Well, you would be, if the liberal lamestream media bothered to send in a team or two. MSNBC did send a photographer and got a few snaps. And here is a VERY FUNNY video of Wall Street jokesters mocking the protestors. So while the rest of America does its thing, living on a daily diet of rice and beans, the Big Banks are laughing all the way to the deposit box. New fees, thousands of layoffs, and outrageous profits are all indications that the robust American economy works for everyone.

Let's head overseas now where conditions are just as bad. (Take that, TR goldenyou haters that moved to Europe!). German legislators agreed to expand a bailout package to $600 billion - a significant political move to persuade other Eurozone countries to follow. Still, global investors predict Europe will slide into a recession within a year and believe that $600 billion will not be enough to rescue Italy and Spain, should they become ensnared by Greece's debt debacle. We're always beating up on Greece these days. As the European economy tanks, we, on the other side of the Atlantic, will be saying hello to the Tea Party Recession.

US officials say a predator drone strike killed Anwar al-Alawki, an American-born cleric and leader of al-Qaeda in Yemen. He had been suspected of being involved in plots to destroy a Northwest Airlines jet and two cargo planes in 2009. Meanwhile, an assassination attempt was made on Yemen's defense minister, just as world leaders denounced violence and called for earlier Presidential elections.

Are You Not Entertained?

George Clooney, who stars as Governor Mike Morris in Ides of March, talks politics before the film's release. Clooney renamed the Broadway hit Farragut North to its present title. And what does this have to do with Turner Central? Take a look at a map.

Andy Rooney's witty, sometimes crude, but always snarky discussions on life will come to an end on 60 Minutes. Since joining as a regular contributor, Mr. RooTR christienopeney has contributed more than 1,000 short essays to the show.

Should Chris Christie jump into the 2012 race he can sure count out Snooki as a celebrity supporter. The New Jersey governor vetoed a $420,000 production credit that would have "perpetuated misconceptions" about New Jersey. You may remember that Snooki was not happy about Obama's tanning tax.

Step aside, Sesame Street. Glenn Beck is planning to indoctrinate your kid(s) with Liberty Treehouse. Elmo and his fellow communist friends have some new competition in the neighborhood.

Anderson Cooper has never included brussel sprouts, coffee or spinach in his diet. Don't tell us you've never had fried chicken, either, Anderson.

Interweb Tomfoolery

Two Cornell researchers have found a new way to discover when humanity is at its peak of drunkenness: Twitter. Two in the morning is the winner here. After sifting through more than 2.4 million peoples' 500 million tweets, the Cornell duo were shocked to learn that people were happier in the morning and on weekends.

A team of researchers at Johns Hopkins may have the cure. They have reported that magic mushrooms improve personality traits long-term. Just think about all the important tweets available to them.
TR capitolpolice
The Capitol Police are taking a story and a series of tweets by The Onion seriously. Politicos no doubt will understand the meaning of a photoshopped John Boehner holding a kid hostage. Nevertheless, we think this piece of fiction goes a little too far.

Authorities raided a Boca Raton pawnshop and discovered $3 million worth of stolen dental equipment, including $22,000 worth of toothbrushes. A trio of thieves is accused of lifting product from more than 60 stores. Who knew there was such a market for toothbrushes these days?

This poor lab rat has been assimilated.

Out on the Town

Here are some suggestions to cheer up your weekend:

The global economy is headed down the toilet as the banksters make off like the true bandits they are. The mainstream media will get around to covering the REAL people on Wall Street, one day, while we're cooking our last squirrel on an open-pit fire.

Until that day arrives, you can still follow and like us.

See you next week!


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