9-23-11: O Humani-tea, Where Art Thou?

Farewell to the days of summer. Mother Nature reminded us of the arrival of a new season with a few showers here at Turner Central. Meanwhile, Tea Party Republicans, just like the dark clouds on the horizon, threaten to dampen our day. Oh, how we long for happier times.

But, cheer up, because we've got some snarkin' to do.

The Week That Was

Republican Presidential candidates participated in yet another debate, this time hosted by Fox News and Google in Orlando. Lots of frank reaction from pundits: Rick Perry bombed yet again. We agree with Paul Begala, who's noted that the audience at these conservative outings have been downright despicable at times. We loved the Tea Party costumes, BTW. Rick Santorum has FINALLY contacted Google about the Santorum problem, but the search engine kindly reminded him that they couldn't do much to clean up his act. Ha ha. We almost forgot to mention that a "Thaddeus McCotter" has withdrawn from the campaign for the GOP nomination. Phew, thanks for reminding us that you were even here, Thad.

Congressional Republicans have a mighty fine plan for the U.S. economy, conveniently unveiled in a letter to Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke earlier this week. Basically, Ben, you ARE NOT to intervene to prevent an economic meltdown. How's that for putting Country First? The Dow fell more than 300 points yesterday amid fears of an imminent global recession is just around the corner. Speaker Boehner again had a falling out with the most conservative members of his Caucus. You can't have a tea party without tea, Mr. Speaker. The House managed to pass a continuing resolution, but Senate Democrats took issue with the measure, which reduces disaster relief aid and cuts into a $1 billion vehicle manufacturing loan program.

World leaders gathered in New York City for your usual set of meetings and chest-thumping speeches before the U.N. General Assembly. Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad blamed America for the global financial crisis, accused the U.S. and its allies of causing misery from slavery and world wars, and said that Israel is responsible for 60 years of war. Obama underscored his Administration's commitment to the security of Israel (but don't tell Rick Perry that) and urged the Palestinians to reconsider their petition to the UN to formally recognize an independent state. Obama's speech appears to have been overshadowed in the media by his photo-op snafu. Well done, Mr. President.

Troy Davis, convicted of killing a policeman 22 years ago, was executed Wednesday night in Georgia. The U.S. Supreme Court denied a final appeal by his attorneys. His supporters say flawed testimony and lack of evidence should have exonerated Mr. Davis. Former President Jimmy Carter called the execution unjust and hoped that the case would spur a drive to end capital punishment in the United States. We might as well show you what the pundits from the other side had to say on the Twitter. That's right - keep it classy.

Gay service members and their allies are celebrating the end of the military's 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy, which sailed into history at midnight on Tuesday. Well, there you have it: the world didn't end. Hours before the ban was lifted, a soldier serving overseas recorded a video as he came out to his father.

The White House launched its We The People portal, where ordinary Americans can petition the Administration, as long as they reach a threshold of 5,000 signatures. You know where this is headed. Two of the top petitions relate to marijuana legalization. Another petition calls for Obama to acknowledge the presence of extraterrestrials living among us. When we checked the website just now, we received a maintenance alert on our screen. We'll try tomorrow.

Amazon.com is receiving some unwanted attention this week after a local Pennsylvania paper reported on harsh conditions workers endure at one of its packing warehouses. Current and past employees worked the summers in temperatures above 100 degrees. Workers whose productivity suffered from the heat were terminated and quickly replaced. Apparently, working for Amazon is just like working in the Amazon.

Are You Not Entertained?

Netflix, or at least half of the outfit, is now known as Qwikster. Sadly, the brand people didn't realize that someone else owns the Twitter account @Qwikster. This and a spate of angry former subscribers and you've got one disaster of a rollout.

The Salahis basked in the political rags of this city after their attention-grabbing stunt at the White House state dinner back in 2009. Last week, Tareq believed his wife Michaele had been kidnapped. Well, it turns out she fled into the arms of another man. Tareq has already filed for divorce. Reality bites.

Ted Haggard has a new gig with an appearance on "Celebrity Wife Swap." According to the Colorado Springs Gazette, a portion of the show will be shot at the Colorado Springs GLBT Pride Center. Hey, people, we're just reporting the facts.

Jon Stewart is absolutely terrified at the thought of Bill O leaving the country over Obama's plan to raise taxes on millionaires. We would be too.

Interweb Tomfoolery

Facebook user fury! That's nothing new. The social networking giant announced a complete overhaul of its venerable platform. Timelines will add a lot more visual elements to the user's profile, so that your friends will learn more about you, we guess?

Wars, recessions, petty conflicts. There are times when you just want to get away from it all. It's too bad the ISS will one day meet its fiery end.

The American Family Association is mad as hell at Ben & Jerry's latest ice cream flavor, Schweddy Balls. AFA is now calling for a boycott. Going after ice cream - now that's a sign of desperation.

Some adults just weren't meant to have kids. A kindergartener showed up for show-and-tell (remember that?) one day with a bag of crystal meth and a crack pipe. The kid's 32-year old mother was arrested on drug charges. Tea Party Republican George Hutchins, running in North Carolina's Fourth Congressional District, has what we believe to be the best campaign website in the 2012 cycle. Just avoid getting a seizure when you read through his campaign platform.

Out on the Town

What are you doing this weekend?

• A free Chuck Brown concert at the Reagan Building

• Go local at the 17th Street Festival on Saturday

• Watch your favorite tennis stars at the HSBC Tennis Cup

• The Library of Congress hosts the National Book Festival on the Mall

• DC VegFest is at GW this year

• Fleet Foxes performs at Merriweather Post Pavilion

• And so will Jason Mraz

• Take in the sights and sounds at Clarendon Day

• Don't miss the 4th Annual Hyattsville Art Festival

• Das Best Oktoberfest - rain or shine

• The Spring Latin Fiesta is in downtown Silver Spring Saturday

• Common is at The Park at 14th

• Learn to live green(er) at the Green Living Expo DC

Scorecard

Are Democrats trying to destroy the economy? That's a voice-over from Fox News a few years back. Republicans want their cuts from programs affecting the most vulnerable and thankfully their opposition is holding. Rick Perry, the Tea Party fantasy candidate, appears to be flaming out and Mitt Romney couldn't be any happier with that.

There's more snark to come, so stay tuned on the Twitter and on Facebook (if you can figure the latter out).

See you next week!