Friday, September 2, 2011

9-2-11: Hating on FEMA, Regulations be Damned, and Snooping at Wal-Mart

'Tis the season to relent! Barry's been having some bad luck of late. The President's team tried to set a date for an address to a joint session of Congress, only to be rebuffed by whiny Speaker Boehner. Apparently, a pow-wow at Ronnie's Presidential Library takes precedent over everything else. Out today is some bad news about job creation or lack thereof. Despite unfavorable economic conditions, two wars and a whole lot more, some on the Left are up in arms with the perception that Barry's conceding too much ground to his opponents.

Let's continue and see what the GOP has been up to since last week.

The Week That Was

The East Coast is still recovering from Hurricane Irene. Thousands were left stranded, and millions were left without power. The residents of Pittsfield, Vermont knew exactly what to do to weather the aftermath. Good for them. Also, have you heard of the Waffle House Index? The folks over at FEMA use it to determine where to get down to work. Speaking of FEMA, Eric Cantor and Ron Paul are not big fans. A New York Tea Party freshman also hates it when the federal government helps those in a bad situation. Get on the phones if you're a constituent of one of these outspoken small government (or no government) standard-TR RickPerrybearers. While the news people were mostly glued to Irene, we still must not forget that Monday was the sixth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina's destructive arrival on the Gulf Coast.

Texas Governor Rick Perry is soaring in EVERY poll. The Romney campaign is said to be watching the numbers closely, but they're not panicking - yet. With frontrunner's status, there's sure to be a lot of digging up of Rick's past. He's said he's got nothing to hide in his closet, but admits his book release probably wasn't a sound idea. Politico also published a story this week on the Texan's new-found love of books about China. The title of the piece is a keeper, we might add. Die-hard wing-nuts will no doubt be enchanted with his praise for "Hillarycare" and his slick real estate deals. Good luck, Rick. You're going to need it.

Michele Bachmann's team is conceding there's no hope in New Hampshire. Crazy must not be a hot commodity in the Granite State. The winner of the Iowa straw poll cracked a joke at the expense of the millions of people who were inconvenienced/devastated by the weekend hurricane. You are so funny, Michele! If only your numbers could match the rise your diverse group of supporters got out of mocking hurricane victims. And, finally, what's this about Ms. Bachmann's bridge-to-nowhere project?

We might be waiting giddily for next week's GOP debate hosted by Google and Fox News, but the good folks at the Tampa Penthouse Club are already getting a head start for the "festivities" next summer. Scandal, scandal, scandal.

Before we forget, there was a little Tea Party drama between Christine O'Donnell and Sarah Palin's camps. Someone was invited, then dis-invited, then re-invited, and then...eh, whatever. Oh, and Sarah's heading to South Korea for the "World Knowledge Forum." The joke writes itself.
TR EPA
Well, enough of that. There are some very important policy initiatives Republicans are preparing here in the swampy city of Washington. Let's start with repealing environmental and labor regulations. Ha ha, who needs those? House Republican leadership passed around a memo outlining a plan to repeal those burdensome regulations when Congress reconvenes. Just remember, when the smog rolls into the office and your back gives out as you flee, to thank Eric Cantor.

Two years ago, your Royal Executioner was diligently researching surface transportation re-authorization as an intern in a far away place, because that was to be an important issue eons ago. But something else happened, we guess. Anyways, Barry stood at the White House podium Wednesday and urged Congress to act fast, because our bridges and roads are falling apart. Investing in infrastructure will also create jobs, apparently. So that's a good thing. Right, Boehner?

Are You Not Entertained?

Fox News celebrity reporter Greta van Susteren has some very important news related to "businesswoman, exec producer" Kim Kardashian. The world is coming to an end, Greta.

When Bill Nye confuses Fox News viewers, shouldn't that be the moment producers pull the plug? Water rises. Cities without flood protection flood. What's confusing about that?

TR BillOAngryDo not mess with Bill O'Reilly, folks. Gawker has a recount of how the conservative noisemaker believed a local investigator was having an affair with his wife. Bill O called in a favor from the Nassau County Police Department to do a little snooping on one of their own. Rumor is the Fox pundit was considering a large gift for construction of a police training facility. There's been somewhat of a history between Fox and Gawker and we're sure the relationship will last for many years to come.

Biebs was involved in a wittle accident when a Honda Civic "collided" with his Ferrari. Reporters say there were no injuries and no damage to the vehicles. But, if there was no damage, did the vehicles really collide? Okay...

Only three days left! Own your very own Batman Batmobile replica. Hey, we bet Biebs is looking for a replacement right about now.

Interweb Tomfoolery

This is so wrong. Never mind feeding a duck pizza - it just had to be a pie from Pizza Hut. Do we really need to project our eating habits on these innocent animals? Save the ducks before it's too late, Mrs. Obama!

Are any of you readers a graduate of the fabled Cal State San Bernardino? If you took a course in kinesielogy, you might be shocked to learn that your former professor TR ChristineODis now considered a fugitive whose extracurricular activities included methamphetamine deals and firearm stockpiling.

We hear you Christine, but we will never fully understand you.

The airlines have been doing it all wrong. One researcher conducted an experiment that showed that the staggered boarding method is the fastest way to seat passengers. Of course, such studies exclude those who spend precious minutes standing in the aisle with oversized carry-on luggage. What's the expected response from the airline industry? "Sorry, but the (first-class) customer always comes first." Shucks.

Oh, the management of Wal-Mart. We know they just love unionization, so let's take a look at how they spot those dastardly conspirators! Why does Wal-Mart believe the wages they pay allow their employees to afford such extravagant expenses?

Twitter, faster than earthquakes. That's the new advertisement released by the San Francisco-based social media giant. Reviewers have panned the ad as boring and insensitive. What say you?

Out on the Town

What are your plans for the Labor Day weekend? Here are some suggestions:
  • Rage Against the Machine's Tom Morello performs in Alexandria tomorrow
Scorecard

We hope you are rested up and are prepared to enjoy this long Labor Day weekend, because when Congress returns next week, it'll be a real circus in town. Hopefully, no animals will be harmed in the process.

Do us a quick favor and follow us and like us!

See you next week,

RoyalExecutioner



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