Friday, September 16, 2011

9-16-11: Return of the Death Panels (and it's not ObamaCare!)

The past few months haven't been kind to Democrats across the country. White House insiders (and outsiders) are getting a little leaky with their thoughts about Chief of Staff Bill Daley. Two special elections were held on Tuesday - and you guessed correctly - both were GOP wins. Can Team Obama turn the ship around in 14 months?

This snark may just depend on it...


The Week That Was


Democrats are not all hands on deck with President Obama's jobs plan, which includes tax increases for America's uber wealthy. The Administration estimates the plan would bring in more than $400 billion TR Gohmertin new revenue. Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert, who we mention whenever he wants to be a little jerk, filed his American Jobs Act before Barry had a chance to. Knock it off, man. As far as we can tell, there's no secret plan to bring terror babies into the country.

Everyone is ganging up on poor ol' Rick Perry these days. At Monday's Tea Party Extravaganza, hosted by CNN, Rick and Mitt went at it. Michele Bachmann has provided a wonderful business opportunity for ANYONE looking to make a quick buck: Can you prove that HPV injections cause mental retardation? She later told Sean Hannity that she had no idea if the claim was true. Let them die! The Tea Party audience let out a resounding cheer when the Blitzer asked Ron Paul if, hypothetically, a healthy uninsured man should be left to die. These are Great American Patriots.

T-Paw emerged from the icebox and endorsed Mitt Romney. (How's that RomneyCare going for ya?). This will either be the kiss of death or the beginning of a great friendship! No word yet if "Dull and Duller" will be the latest campaign slogan. Also, the 2012 GOP candidates are lining up like little children before Santa Claus to beg for the endorsement of that crazy sheriff, Joe Arpaio. Is this what outreach to the Latino community looks like for the Tea Party fringe?

Is there a pattern? CNN appears to have a (unhealthy?) relationship with the Tea Party these days. Are the ratings that low, Ken? Anywho, a groundbreaking study of the movement suggests that the Republican Party is evenly divided between supporting the traditional GOP platform and that of the Tea Party (whatever that may be at any given time). Other cool facts: Six in ten Tea Party Republicans say global warming is not proven fact and believe evolution is "wrong." We must be living in an alternate universe. Oh, wait, we're not.

New numbers out from the Census Bureau paint a bleak picture for the poorest Americans. 46.2 million Americans now live below the poverty line - a family of four with an annual income of $22,113. 2.6 million Americans fell into poverty in 2009 alone. Welcome to America, folks, where the banksters roam free. Meanwhile, reports out of Kentucky say that the state's poorest citizens are a bit of an enigma. According to Sen. Rand Paul, poor people are gettin' richer faster than the wealthy are!

TR EU

Moody's downgraded the ratings of two of France's largest banks amid concerns that a nearly bankrupt Greece is almost certain to default on its debt. European banks hold billions of euros in Greek debt and a default may lead to a chain reaction that could threaten the currency used by a majority of European Union members. German's Chancellor Merkel is doing her best to calm the waters. Well, at least she's trying.

Palestinians are seeking statehood with a scheduled vote at the United Nations. The Obama Administration is looking to avoid a showdown next week and is involved in negotiations with Israeli and Palestinian diplomats. Turkey continues to be a strong backer of Palestinian statehood.

When's the last time you bought one of those antiques known as a book? Borders is closing for good, with its first store shutting on Monday. The Amazons of the world are king now.


Are You Not Entertained?

New Jersey taxpayers are set to pay a $420,000 tab for a tax credit awarded to the producers of Jersey Shore. Haha, well, at least they won't be paying for Snooki and AC's tanning outing.

Hollywood's elite are asking Obama: What's gone wrong? Some celebrities are still writing big checks, but others are letting the world know about their disappointment with Barry's take on the issues. Afghanistan, Iraq, gay rights, the enviroment, and list goes on. Lucky for TR BeckCrazyus, none are willing to open their wallets to the likes of Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann.

Glenn Beck must be popular - 230,000 signed up for GBTV's monthly subscription of $9.95. Wow, that's a real bargain...that belongs in the bargain bin.

Shocking: Iran is banning everything associated with American soap operas. Just shocking!

Oprah may have her own network, but could Homer and the rest of the Simpson clan soon follow in her footsteps? Prepare for more television advertising from the donut industry.

Interweb Tomfoolery

Your Royal Executioner is typing this edition out on a computer still running that obsolete Windows 7! Microsoft recently gave us a sneak peek of the latest Windows iteration.

Former Facebook twins Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss (teehee) star in TR pistachiosan ad for Wonderful Pistachios. Their fall from grace reminds us of the lasting legacy of Charlie Crist.

A follow-up: Americans spend 53 billion minutes a month on Facebook.

What ever happened to that social networking hit Google Plus? The new kid on the block hasn't exactly lived up to its status as the Facebook killer. People are not even Googling for it, anymore. The Google is trying to strike gold again with something called Propeller.

Well, here's your Wal-Mart crime of the week: Scott Shover is accused of eating raw meat and placing the un-eaten portions back on the shelf without paying. Mr. Shover's had previous run-ins with the police. We're pretty sure Wal-Mart sells microwaves. Click the link for a picture that you should not laugh at.

Out on the Town

Festival season has arrived!

  • Jim Lehrer will take your questions at Politics & Prose
  • The National Zoo is hosting the Fiesta Musical for Hispanic Heritage Month
Scorecard

This weekend is looking good. Relax, have a few drinks (because you'll need to), and have a frank conversation with your best friend - who may just be a Tea Party Republican. We're going to need all the help we can get.

Do you miss the TR between editions? Remember to like us on Facebook for snarkery all week long!

Until next week,

RoyalExecutioner

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