Friday, August 12, 2011

8-12-11: Roller Coaster on Wall Street, Michele's Outtakes, and Santorum Hearts the Gays?

Up and down. Up and down. We may make magic here at Turner Central, but alas, there's little we can do to cushion that stock portfolio of yours. The news isn't all bad: A few lucky - and we mean lucky - workers won the lottery the day they were laid off and Starbucks' CEO knows when not to cross the line.

Sit back and enjoy some snark.

The Week That Was

The Fed is keeping interests rates at historical lows well into 2013. In theory that action should spur economic growth. In theory. You may not have heard (we hope not), but the markets have been a wee bit volatile this week as investors around the globe are worried about a slowing US economy and a European debt crisis. Meanwhile, some patriotic Tea Partiers demanded an apology from John McCain, who earlier compared their comrades tTR Wall Streeto some height-challenged Lord of the Rings characters. Gramps, you make us proud, once in a while. House and Senate leadership selected a gang of twelve to serve on the newly created debt reduction committee. Nothing too inflammatory about their picks, but we were hoping either or both Pauls would be included in the mix. Oh, and we finally find out why Mittens didn't immediately dive into the debt debate.

And now time for some presidential campaign news from the Hawkeye State. Apparently, there was one of those debate things in Ames, Iowa yesterday. So what went down? Mitt Romney emerged unscathed (shocking) and the feud between two of Minnesota's finest produced some wholesome entertainment. And Rick Santorum went out of his way just to protect the gays (from Iran). Stay on message, Rick.

Newsweek had a little "fun" with its latest magazine cover. Believe it or not, this picture is not an outtake... The Right is predictably enraged at Newsweek's heart-warming photo of Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann. Jon Stewart kept us all in line and reminded viewers that a publication need only print her words to show that the Minnesoata Congresswoman is a bit of a looney and a hypocrite. She's well on her way to the nomination with those qualifications.

Hey, did anyone remember to bring back a souvenir of two from Rick Perry's prayer-a-thon? Perhaps a tea bag or two? Some 30,000 attended "The Response" - a totally non-political event that has NOTHING to do with a run for the Presidency. Oh, Rick, keep working that Texas charm and maybe, just maybe, you'll ride out your hometown paper's shenanigans. According to The Hill, the South is rising again...

Wisconsin Democrats invested a lot of time and money into this week's recall elections, but came up one seat short in their bid to take over the State Senate. Democrats TR Scott Walkervowed to turn up the heat, setting their sights on the state's anti-union governor, Scott Walker.

Sad news: John Boehner and Nancy Pelosi came to the conclusion that the House page program is not worth the $5 million it takes to run each year. Supporters have set up a Facebook page to send letters to Members. Oh, well. At least the government can keep spending a few bucks on iPods for federal employees (according to one supporter).

The bodies of 30 American troops killed in Afghanistan over the weekend arrived at Dover Air Force Base Tuesday morning. The attack marked the deadliest single loss of troops in the now ten-year long war. The Pentagon said the insurgents involved in the attack have been killed.

Downtown London is recovering from a week of rioting. David Cameron is taking some of the heat off himself (of course) and blaming a slow police response for a situation that spiraled out of control. He promised to bring justice to those involved in the great sacking of London. That'll teach those petty water thieves! But not everyone had a bad week as sales of aluminum bats soared.

Arab nations have recalled their envoys from Syria amidst a continuing crackdown on civilians by the Syrian regime. There are reports that the Obama Administration will call for President Assad to step aside. Uh, can we get with the program, like now?

Are You Not Entertained?

Are celebrities really among the most-hated people in America? You 'betcha! Reality is reality.

Speaking of which, Kim Kardashian's PR people are working overtime - no, double overtime - to make sure you tune in to the biggest marketing event of the century. No calls were placed to the paparazzi ahead of time.

While we're still on the subject of Rick Santorum's sudden change of TR BertErnieheart toward gays, (ha, that'll be the day), the people behind Sesame Street are telling us Bert and Ernie are not gay...but are also not straight. This will be Rick's next project, once he drops out of the campaign in a short few months.

Fans from Norway and beyond still make the trek to the San Francisco Presidio to take some photos and maybe receive some sage advice from Master Yoda.

"Don't believe the media," Biebs says. He's never, ever been accused of being a little brat. Never.

Real-life Roman gladiators caught in a corruption sting. Haha, let's keep this stuff on the silver screen, folks.

Internet Tomfoolery

Hackers claiming to be of Anonymous have broken into the websites of rural law enforcement. The hackers say the move was in retaliation of last month's nationwide sweep, which resulted in the arrest of 16 individuals allegedly involved with Anonymous.

Part-ad campaign, part stress reliever. Adidas installed a few punching bags in Shanghai subway stations. We don't know if we'll ever see them in D.C., but it would be much appreciated!

California! Folks, here is your weekly crime update. A man was arrested for breaking INTO his former site of incarceration. Marvin Ussery told TR Breakininvestigators that he returned to New Folsom prison "to reminisce." Well, now he can.

When DARPA's in the news, you know it can't be good for America's wallet, right? The U.S. military conducted the second test flight of a hypersonic glider off the coast of California. Unlike the preceding test, in which telemetry was lost after nine minutes, HTV-2's flight lasted about half an hour.

A Craigslist miracle in the making: Sign up for a reality show today! You must be a Tea Partier and foster a hatred for Big Government. Also, please be in a loving, traditional marriage.

Christine O'Donnell, you still haven't left our hearts, dear. FYI: We've linked to the SFW Politicalwire piece. Proceed beyond that point at your discretion.

Out on the Town

There's some great happenings going on in and around Washington this weekend. But remember, be responsible!
  • More beer taste "testing" and Birch & Barley
  • Truckeroo is back for all you food truck lovers
Shameless Self-Promotion

As we mentioned last week, half the team was in San Diego attending BlogHer '11. Check out some photos on the Mom's Clean Air Force Facebook page. All the toddlers who attended approved!

Scorecard

Rick Perry's prayers have been answered and consequently will be giving Mittens a run for his money. Iowa is more than four months away and that's plenty of time for a miracle (got that, Sarah?).

Don't forget - now is the time for a bargain, so please follow and like us!

See you next week!


RoyalExecutioner




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