Friday, August 19, 2011

8-19-11: Bachmann Wins, Obama on Tour, and the Widows of Afghanistan

The civility. Where has it gone? Joe Biden is on a goodwill trip in China, where some reporters were on the receiving end of some pushing and shoving. Meanwhile, Georgetown basketball players were involved in a scuffle during an exhibition game. Back home, Barack's BFF, Tom Coburn had some choice words, and Allen West, well, is being Allen West.

Ready for another round of snark?

The Week That Was

Well, what a weekend it was! Michele Bachmann won the oh-so-important Ames Straw Poll, besting second-place powerhouse Ron Paul. Word is her body people are roughing up reporters, and it's becoming a trend. Ah, so that's how she won the poll. Tim Pawlenty's name pops up TR Bachmannwinsonce in a while, mostly in stories reminding us of his blandness. In any case, Mr. Pawlenty became the first GOP (lite?) to drop out of the campaign. Minnesotans can breathe a sigh of relief, as T-Paw has rejected a bid to run for the Senate next year.

Rick Perry is all over the news this week, and that's just fine with Team Obama. Rick's had his share of hypocrisy as Texas Governor, taken a few gifts on the side, and has said some very bad things. And the rumors, the rumors just won't go away. Rick has the nerve to say the military doesn't respect Obama. Maybe he's spending too much of his time hanging with the birther crowd. Also, a Ron Paul supporter placed a full-page ad imploring people to come forward with all the details. Pass this one along, dear readers! No word on rewards.

Barry finished his tour of the Midwest, which apparently only includes Illinois, Iowa and Minnesota. The President was greeted with open arms - for the most part. You gotta hand it to him for trying to hold a civilized conversation with a teabagger. That's always a challenge. Gallup's recent tracking polls have the President's approval rating falling below the 40% mark for the first time in his term. This is Dubya territory for those who remember the grand years of 43. Conservatives are furious that Obama's taking some time off at on Martha's Vineyward. Boohoo. So what if he does. What would your American idol, Ronald Reagan say now?

Warren Buffett is daring Congress to raise his taxes! The third-wealthiest person in the world says our legislators are out to help the rich. How shocking. Buffett argues that people earning more than a million a year ought to pay a little more on Tax Day. President Obama agrees. (Just don't use that as a campaign slogan, Mr. President).
TR AfghanWoman
The women of Afghanistan are often forgotten in the media's coverage of the current and past wars. The Washington Post published a moving piece earlier this week on the community built by widows in the capital city of Kabul. Many arrived to Tapaye Zanabad, a hill above a cemetery, with nothing more than the clothes on their backs. The government provides only a meager stipend to women and they live with the constant fear that their community will be demolished. Hopefully, their futures will be brighter, after decades of conflict.

It's better late than never: The Obama Administration is calling for Syria's Bashir al-Assad to take a hike. The U.S. is set to impose new sanctions. Here's to hoping the E.U. takes the correct course of action and modifies its oil agreement with Syria.

Are You Not Entertained?

Some good news out of Washington, DC: The infamous State Dinner crashers are moving to Los Angeles. Have fun, Southern California. They're all yours.

Failed Tea Party comedian-candidate Christine O'Donnell hasn't had a stellar week trying to sell her book. She stormed off the set of Piers Morgan after accusing the host of being rude. She performed the same stunt with a Utah radio station after realizing she wasn't exactly in friendly territory. We bet she had her broom on standby in both instances.

Stephen Colbert's Super PAC TR ColbertPACtreasurer has moved on to greener pastures. Colbert praised his former employee as he takes the same position on Rick Perry's campaign. Good luck with that gamble, sir.

The only way Biebs is getting a street named after himself is through the action of a teenager serving as "mayor for a day." It happened.

Cancelled! Kate Gosselin will have to look for a new gig as TLC has pulled the plug on her awe-inspiring reality show. Sometimes being famous for being famous takes you only so far.

The Game is in hot water after asking his fans on Twitter to call the Compton police to inquire about an internship that does not exist. Are we surprised? Not everyone has a "legal issues" section in his or her Wikipedia profile.

Interweb Tomfoolery

How many of you are DC residents (and folks from NoVa)? Then we know you aren't the kind of people to be drawn into stereotypes. Hah, guess again.

French Toast Crunch and Squeezits. Ring a bell? Those and 23 other foods are ones you'll likely never see or eat again.
TR JoeWalsh
Where's Wall-E?

Rep. Joe Walsh, the deadbeat father, and now a delinquent at the DMV, is facing the ire of his ex on YouTube. Hey, Joe, get your house in order.

Tired, irrelevant Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich is still hip with the social media thing. Not.

America has some of the most entertaining criminals in the world, wouldn't you agree? Do you remember Susan Burns of Alexandria, Va.? The self-proclaimed CIA employee with a radio in her head has struck the National Gallery of Art, AGAIN. A 500-year old Texas vampire was sent to jail with a $40,000 bond. Seriously, Texas, cut down on the Twilight marathons. And, finally, an Idaho woman accidentally texted a Washington state police chief and asked for perscription hydrocodone pills. Thank God for technology.

Out on the Town

Here are some of this weekend's picks to enjoy with family and friends:
Scorecard

Michele, Rick or Mitt. Which one would you pick? The upcoming GOP debates will provide plenty of comic relief to the likes of Jon Stewart and Letterman. But has the GOP mainstream becoming freakishly right-wing? We shouldn't have to answer that for you. Just tune in.

The end of summer is upon us, so follow and like us, before the real fun starts!

Until next time,

RoyalExecutioner



Friday, August 12, 2011

8-12-11: Roller Coaster on Wall Street, Michele's Outtakes, and Santorum Hearts the Gays?

Up and down. Up and down. We may make magic here at Turner Central, but alas, there's little we can do to cushion that stock portfolio of yours. The news isn't all bad: A few lucky - and we mean lucky - workers won the lottery the day they were laid off and Starbucks' CEO knows when not to cross the line.

Sit back and enjoy some snark.

The Week That Was

The Fed is keeping interests rates at historical lows well into 2013. In theory that action should spur economic growth. In theory. You may not have heard (we hope not), but the markets have been a wee bit volatile this week as investors around the globe are worried about a slowing US economy and a European debt crisis. Meanwhile, some patriotic Tea Partiers demanded an apology from John McCain, who earlier compared their comrades tTR Wall Streeto some height-challenged Lord of the Rings characters. Gramps, you make us proud, once in a while. House and Senate leadership selected a gang of twelve to serve on the newly created debt reduction committee. Nothing too inflammatory about their picks, but we were hoping either or both Pauls would be included in the mix. Oh, and we finally find out why Mittens didn't immediately dive into the debt debate.

And now time for some presidential campaign news from the Hawkeye State. Apparently, there was one of those debate things in Ames, Iowa yesterday. So what went down? Mitt Romney emerged unscathed (shocking) and the feud between two of Minnesota's finest produced some wholesome entertainment. And Rick Santorum went out of his way just to protect the gays (from Iran). Stay on message, Rick.

Newsweek had a little "fun" with its latest magazine cover. Believe it or not, this picture is not an outtake... The Right is predictably enraged at Newsweek's heart-warming photo of Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann. Jon Stewart kept us all in line and reminded viewers that a publication need only print her words to show that the Minnesoata Congresswoman is a bit of a looney and a hypocrite. She's well on her way to the nomination with those qualifications.

Hey, did anyone remember to bring back a souvenir of two from Rick Perry's prayer-a-thon? Perhaps a tea bag or two? Some 30,000 attended "The Response" - a totally non-political event that has NOTHING to do with a run for the Presidency. Oh, Rick, keep working that Texas charm and maybe, just maybe, you'll ride out your hometown paper's shenanigans. According to The Hill, the South is rising again...

Wisconsin Democrats invested a lot of time and money into this week's recall elections, but came up one seat short in their bid to take over the State Senate. Democrats TR Scott Walkervowed to turn up the heat, setting their sights on the state's anti-union governor, Scott Walker.

Sad news: John Boehner and Nancy Pelosi came to the conclusion that the House page program is not worth the $5 million it takes to run each year. Supporters have set up a Facebook page to send letters to Members. Oh, well. At least the government can keep spending a few bucks on iPods for federal employees (according to one supporter).

The bodies of 30 American troops killed in Afghanistan over the weekend arrived at Dover Air Force Base Tuesday morning. The attack marked the deadliest single loss of troops in the now ten-year long war. The Pentagon said the insurgents involved in the attack have been killed.

Downtown London is recovering from a week of rioting. David Cameron is taking some of the heat off himself (of course) and blaming a slow police response for a situation that spiraled out of control. He promised to bring justice to those involved in the great sacking of London. That'll teach those petty water thieves! But not everyone had a bad week as sales of aluminum bats soared.

Arab nations have recalled their envoys from Syria amidst a continuing crackdown on civilians by the Syrian regime. There are reports that the Obama Administration will call for President Assad to step aside. Uh, can we get with the program, like now?

Are You Not Entertained?

Are celebrities really among the most-hated people in America? You 'betcha! Reality is reality.

Speaking of which, Kim Kardashian's PR people are working overtime - no, double overtime - to make sure you tune in to the biggest marketing event of the century. No calls were placed to the paparazzi ahead of time.

While we're still on the subject of Rick Santorum's sudden change of TR BertErnieheart toward gays, (ha, that'll be the day), the people behind Sesame Street are telling us Bert and Ernie are not gay...but are also not straight. This will be Rick's next project, once he drops out of the campaign in a short few months.

Fans from Norway and beyond still make the trek to the San Francisco Presidio to take some photos and maybe receive some sage advice from Master Yoda.

"Don't believe the media," Biebs says. He's never, ever been accused of being a little brat. Never.

Real-life Roman gladiators caught in a corruption sting. Haha, let's keep this stuff on the silver screen, folks.

Internet Tomfoolery

Hackers claiming to be of Anonymous have broken into the websites of rural law enforcement. The hackers say the move was in retaliation of last month's nationwide sweep, which resulted in the arrest of 16 individuals allegedly involved with Anonymous.

Part-ad campaign, part stress reliever. Adidas installed a few punching bags in Shanghai subway stations. We don't know if we'll ever see them in D.C., but it would be much appreciated!

California! Folks, here is your weekly crime update. A man was arrested for breaking INTO his former site of incarceration. Marvin Ussery told TR Breakininvestigators that he returned to New Folsom prison "to reminisce." Well, now he can.

When DARPA's in the news, you know it can't be good for America's wallet, right? The U.S. military conducted the second test flight of a hypersonic glider off the coast of California. Unlike the preceding test, in which telemetry was lost after nine minutes, HTV-2's flight lasted about half an hour.

A Craigslist miracle in the making: Sign up for a reality show today! You must be a Tea Partier and foster a hatred for Big Government. Also, please be in a loving, traditional marriage.

Christine O'Donnell, you still haven't left our hearts, dear. FYI: We've linked to the SFW Politicalwire piece. Proceed beyond that point at your discretion.

Out on the Town

There's some great happenings going on in and around Washington this weekend. But remember, be responsible!
  • More beer taste "testing" and Birch & Barley
  • Truckeroo is back for all you food truck lovers
Shameless Self-Promotion

As we mentioned last week, half the team was in San Diego attending BlogHer '11. Check out some photos on the Mom's Clean Air Force Facebook page. All the toddlers who attended approved!

Scorecard

Rick Perry's prayers have been answered and consequently will be giving Mittens a run for his money. Iowa is more than four months away and that's plenty of time for a miracle (got that, Sarah?).

Don't forget - now is the time for a bargain, so please follow and like us!

See you next week!


RoyalExecutioner




Friday, August 5, 2011

8-5-11: Demon Drinks and Satan Sandwiches, Astroturfing, and Million Dollar Mittens

Guess who hit the big 5-0 Thursday!!! President Obama celebrated the occasion with family and friends (sorry, no Joe Biden) in the weening afternoon hours. Perhaps the biggest gift came from the Republican National Committee, which has already thrown in the towel for 2012 and is looking forward to 2016. Have a look back at prior presidential birthday bashes. Happy Birthday, from your neighbors down the street at Turner Central.

Here's to another fifty years (of snark)...

The Week That Was

Signed, sealed, and delivered. President Obama signed into law a last-minute measure to raise the debt ceiling. Both the Left and Right are wary of the creation of a supercommittee (in Washington, no less!). What will it do and who will be appointed to it? Members of the Progressive Caucus and Congressional Black Caucus aren't thTR cleaverat happy with the deal, but there's gotta be some stuff in there to like, right? Or, we can just sit back and enjoy a glass of demon drink to wash down that satan sandwich. Pundits are now asking: Did the President surrender? What a relief, Mr. Speaker. It's over. On a happier note: Rep. Gabrielle Giffords returned to the House chamber to cast her vote - her first since January.

The Dow suffered its worst sell-off since September 2008 (remember the time when Gramps pleaded for a campaign suspension?) and a better-than-expected July jobs report did little to calm investors in New York and overseas. Meanwhile, the White House is looking for calm and stability, so they tasked Grampa Joe to convince Tim Geithner to stay on board through the current term.

Mitt Romney. He had something to say about the debt ceiling. The former Governor came out of hiding and announced that if he was sitting in the White House today there wouldn't be a deal ready for his signature. "Cut, capped and balanced," Mittens said. Who's he pandering to now? You'd better step back into the ice box, sir, because a million-dollar story just broke.

Conservative pro-life groups are incensed at a new U.S. Health and Human Services rule set to go in effect next year. Starting in August 2012, private insurance plans will be required to cover women's preventive services without a co-pay or deductible. The White House emphasized that it is already illegal to use federal dollars to cover abortions, but remember, peeps, some people can never be swayed by facts.
TR medicaresign
Now that the debt ceiling debate is over, (for now), what is the Tea Party's next target? Medicare. You may recall the hot summer of 2009, when many of these same people were lashing out against death panels and severe cuts to the entitlement program. This is too sad, yet so true. Astroturfing works wonders on and off the field. Barry's planning a bus tour later this month, so maybe he can talk some sense into them.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton says that Syrian President Bashar al-Assad has lost his legitimacy as a leader. Clashes continue between anti-government protestors and al-Assad's military as the State Department reports that more than 2,000 civilians have died since the unrest began five months ago.

Are You Not Entertained?

Sarah Palin's hair salon is getting its own reality show. Yes, the hair salon in little Wasilla is worthy of a television camera. Who's behind this sure-to-be hit? TLC, of course. Vomit.

Who here has fond memories of Mr. Rogers? Too old? Too young? PBS is debuting the spin-off, Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, next year.
TR obamaoprah
Mr. Bean and his very expensive ride were involved in an accident. Getwell.

Roseanne Barr is running for President. Run for the hills! She may have to compete with Oprah, who's all in it for Obama.

The Apocalypse is approaching. That's one reviewer's take on the Jersey Shore's Italian invasion. What are other folks saying? Meanwhile, a New York-based tuxedo company is taking a gamble with The Situation.

The complaints are pouring in before any announcement takes place. Is the Rev. Al Sharpton's next big gig a show on MSNBC?

Interweb Tomfoolery

Social media maven @NewtGingrich has more than 1.3 million followers on the Twitter. It's a real shame, though, that most of them aren't human beings. Is that a PR fail?

Oh, no, not again. The news people have been duped yet again. It has not been determined if Internet Explorer users are indeed slower. Yet.
TR bunny
Wasn't Easter back in April? Police in Idaho Falls, ID have told WilliamFalkingham that he can no longer wear his bunny suit in public because he's frightening the neighbors' kids. We kid you not.

A Lithuanian mayor has a plan to deter drivers of high-priced cars who think they're above the law: Running those luxury vehicles over with a tank. Will we see Michael Bloomberg and Vince Gray following suit?

NASA still exists and they are pleased to announce that they may have evidence of flowing salt water on Mars. Now, how are y'all going to get there?

Who's REALLY to blame for the stock market crash?

Out on the Town

The market's tanking and a poorly placed band-aid has been placed on our nation's debt wound. Bleh! We're still here to add a little fun to your weekend:
Shameless Self-Promotion

Suzanne, Gloria and Abigail are out west in San Diego, CA for BlogHer '11. They're doing great work with Mom's Clean Air Force, in conjunction with the Environmental Defense Fund. They've got a fancy booth set up, so don't be afraid to go up and say hello!

Scorecard

It took a lot of hard work over the weekend, but the politicians surprised us and got something done. And if we thought that was rough, are we still teetering on the edge of another recession? Democrats are pivoting back to jobs, jobs, jobs, but we might as well be talking about the fragile global economy from now on.

Everything WILL BE OKAY if you like and follow us!

Until next time,

RoyalExecutioner