Friday, July 29, 2011

7-29-11: Hobbits Invade Washington, a Furry Tale, and Capitalism Strikes S.C.

The clock is ticking on a debt deal before next week's fabled deadline. John Boehner has his hands full with a bunch of Tea Party Republicans who refuse to get their a**es in line. So long, Mr. Boehner? While this is playing out in Washington, some kids (and their parents) have not a worry in the world.

Haha. Believe it. Now, away we go!

The Week That Was

USA! USA! USA! The rest of the world is watching America as the hobbits replace our Congress-people, who have angered our favorite Maverick as a default now appears more likely. What has this country come to? Speaker Boehner is losing patience with his caucus and had to cancel an evening vote to raise the debt ceiling. Barry addressed the nation and told Congress to get back to that bipartisanship thing. Keep on TR hobbitsdreaming, Mr. President. Harry Reid says his united Democratic colleagues will vote down Boehner's plan in its current form and House Republicans are preparing to tack on a balanced budget amendment. Yes, this move will absolutely bring Senate Democrats to the table. Compare the two leaders' plans here. Meanwhile, Nancy Pelosi is telling seniors that under the Boehner bill, they can kiss their Medicare goodbye. All of this comes as new numbers show the U.S. gross domestic product grew at an anemic 1.3% in the second quarter.

While we're on the subject of our reverent politicians, let's talk about the two House members that made the news this week. Capitol Hill's famed furry celebrity, Oregon Rep. David Wu, is headed out the door, sans costume, after revelations came to light about an allegedly unwanted sexual encounter with a young California woman. His resignation will be effective the moment the debt-ceiling crisis is resolved, so that will be a deadline Congress won't want to miss! Meanwhile, Republicans have another headache to deal with other than debt negotiations. Tea Party freshman Joe Walsh is accused of being a dead-beat dad. He apparently loaned a cool $35,000 of his own money toward his campaign while falling behind on child support payments. Ladies and gentleman, we present to you the Congress of the United States.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry hasn't declared yet but if he does jump in, as predicted, he'll be serious competition for Mitt Romney. Michele Bachmann, whose husband is still at the center of an ex-gay "proud to be a small business" maelstrom says that topic is off limits. Don't go there, girlfriend...

Americans are mourning with our Norwegian friends one week after a TR norwayflagdisturbed, hate-filled man went on a killing spree that officials say claimed at least 76 lives. Our hearts go out to the families and friends of the victims.

U.S. counter-terrorism officials at the Central Intelligence Agency and elsewhere are claiming that bin Laden's death and a relentless campaign of Predator drone strikes has pushed Al-Qaeda to the brink of collapse. Analysts warn the terror threat remains from offshoot organizations based in other countries such as Yemen. Well, at least that's some semi-encouraging news we can report. Oh, our bad, apparently some of your tax dollars are ending up in the hands of the Taliban. Whoops.

Are You Not Entertained?

The hosts of Fox and Friends, who are not exactly known for their intellectual prowess, went after their most feared enemy - a wittle penguin. Yeah, whatever, Kilmaede, because apparently two Kardashian sisters were too important to be missed.

Not to be outdone, Jon Scott invited Bill Nye the Science GTR trebekuy to talk about newly discovered volcanism on the moon and climate change. You know where this is going...

Alex Trebek put himself in jeopardy, chasing down a burglar who had broken into his hotel room at the San Francisco Marriott. Lucinda Moyers, the accused burglar, has a long rap sheet and claims she "was not there."

Battleship, that game some of us played, what, back in the 1990s is coming to the silver screen. Aliens and battleships. Kinda cheesy, huh? Wait, what?

Actor Ben Affleck is suggesting that the next time House Republicans want compare themselves to fictional characters they chose another film other than The Town. Violence ain't the answer.

Interweb Tomfoolery

Congratulations, Washington D.C. denizens! While technically not a state, (we're still working on that), 29.69% of Washingtonians said that they went binge drinking in the past month. That statistic places us at a comfortable #3, behind North and South Dakota. Let's celebrate tonight!

One of these days we'll get out to the Ohio State Fair and witness the grandeur of the butter sculptures. Three people spent 475 hours TR brokeunclesamsculpting cows to a replica of the space shuttle cockpit and an astronaut.

Have you tried the Mark Malkoff Challenge? We had no idea Apple employees had such restraint and courtesy. Try this when you get your next gadget. We dare you. Hey, at least they have more moolah than Uncle Sam.

The union between the Tea Party and capitalism is like love at first sight. Sadly, one South Carolina teabagger took his vows too far with an ingenious plan to sell pirated software. This is your weekly edition of crime in America.

How's the Almighty doing in your neck of the woods? According to Public Policy Polling, not bad at all. 52% of Americans say God is doing a good job - well ahead of Congress and a clip ahead of the President.

Way to ruin a professional concert photographer's photo-shoot, dude.

Out on the Town

It's Friday! Here's some of what's going on around town this weekend:
  • Spend tonight out on a (Ghost) tour of Old Town Alexandria
  • Celebrate D.C.'s victory on the booze list at 1331
Local bands perform at the Black Cat

Shameless Self-Promotion

Yesterday, Turner Project Manager Abigail Collazo led a public speaking training for students at AIDemocracy, a nonprofit organization dedicated to cultivating and educating the next generation of leaders. These future leaders learned how speaking to children is just like speaking to your very own Congressman, among other things.

Scorecard

The dysfunction. The backstabbing. The compromising...? Such is life on Capitol Hill. We're getting closer to a deal, fellow Americans. Hopefully. Obama's managed to pull the rabbit out of the hat to avert previous crises, but let's just say we're a little worried now.

Remember - there's still enough time before the default to follow and like us!

See you next week, America...

RoyalExecutioner

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