Friday, July 15, 2011

7-15-11: 1,700 Calories of Pure Bliss, Downgradin' the Debt, and Pasta Strainers are Now Legal

Breaking news! Our First Lady Michelle Obama had a burger and this earth-shattering event has The Washington Post in a tizzy (and Drudge, too, apparently). So what if Michelle indulges in a some true American cuisine. Let's be honest with ourselves. How many of you have broken down to consume your own calorie bomb?

It's going to be a scorcher in Washington in the coming days, so for now, cool off and enjoy some snark.

The Week That Was

Drama: President Obama wants to continue debt negotiations at Camp David this weekend but Mr. Boehner and Ms. Pelosi aren't taking the coffee bait. Depending on who your sources are, either the President left the latest round of talks in a huff or he was extremely gracious to Republican leadership. He also held his second press conference on the debt talks today and made it clear to Congress that the deal must include some tax increases. Obama's prepared to gamble his re-election hopes on finding a solution. Mitch McConnell says he's willing to help out TR ericcantorin that department. You're such a party-pooper, Mitch. Meanwhile, his colleague, Eric Cantor suggested some great ideas to fix our problems. Finally, Moody's and Standard & Poor's have warned lawmakers that they may downgrade the United States' debt rating if an agreement isn't reached by mid-August.

Michele Bachmann is soaring and if that doesn't convince you how insane parts of this country are, we don't know what will. According to a few polls here and there, the Tea Party darling has pulled ahead of Mitt Romney in Iowa. Don't worry, Mittens, you're in fine shape (for now) in New Hampshire, and the outrage over this marriage/slavery pledge document may still work in your favor. In other campaign news, the Obama fundraising machine pulled in a whopping $86 million in the second quarter, surpassing the previous record set by Dubya in 2004. We almost forgot: Ron Paul will not seek re-election to the House and will focus all of his energy to the presidential campaign. Cheers! Now we will only have one crazy Paul on the Hill.

Minnesotans are feeling the squeeze two weeks into their state's government shutdown. The latest casualty: booze. Thousands of Minnesota establishments scrambled to renew their liquor purchasing cards, but many did not make the deadline. We wouldn't have been surprised to hear stories of Homer Simpson beer baron copycats. Gov. Mark Dayton and Republican legislators have come to an agreement that should end the shutdown next week.

Oh, to be Rupert Murdoch right about now. Yes, he has the TR rupertmoney, but his flagship News Corporation is now facing a preliminary inquiry by U.S. authorities over allegations that employees, among other things, hacked phone records of 9/11 victims. Murdoch is already spinning and he had one of his assistants type out some form letter apology. His lackeys over at America's #1 patriotic echo chamber agree to keep their mouths shut, but you won't hear that live!

The United States is holding back $800 million in military aid to Pakistan over lingering questions about its intelligence service's ties to Taliban insurgents. The two sides are still talking, but U.S. officials won't agree to Pakistan's demand to cease drone strikes. Money talks.

At least 17 people are dead and more than 100 wounded after three bombs tore through Mumbai during rush hour. Investigators have yet to identify the perpetrators and no one has come forward to claim responsibility.

Are You Not Entertained?

Orange County, the reliably conservative California enclave, disappointed all of us by displaying outright contempt for Sister Sarah. A few giggles and then emptiness greeted one Atlantic reporter at the premier of The Undefeated. She's not raking in the money these days.

Harry Potter-mania is sweeping this great nation. Fans scooped up TR Harrypottertickets a week before the final Potter movie's release. Scott Brown and Patrick Leahy are fans, too. Maybe they just went for the cameras.

Lady Gaga is no longer the reigning queen of Facebook. Rihanna is the most-followed woman on the social networking site, surpassing 40.5 million fans. It's not all bad news for the Little Monster. She's still number one on Twitter.

Kumar has left the building. Apparently, the extravagant $41,000 White House salary wasn't enough to prevent Kal Penn from jumping back to Hollywood a second time. The actor has signed on to appear on a CBS sitcom.

Arnold is back to play a sheriff who battles a drug kingpin. Yawn!

Interweb Tomfoolery

After a big meal, this bear didn't make out of the water for a little snore. How cute.
TR pasta
This week's awful and embarrassing Photoshop fail is brought to you by Syrian television.

Now you too can wear a pasta strainer to the DMV.

Josh Mandel is a Ohio politician who hasn't officially declared his candidacy to take on Senator Sherrod Brown. He's also got quite a knack for supporting the other side. How inconvenient.

Here is your dumb American criminal of the week.

Out on the Town

Complain all you want about Metro and the influx of tourists over the weekend, but believe us, you won't suffer as much as the poor people of Los Angeles will.

Anyways, here are a some suggestions for your weekend plans:
  • Chip in a little to help the good people of the Tune Inn
Scorecard

Drama in Washington. Isn't that what we all live for to get us through the slow summer months? Let us hope that Barry dusts off his 2008 campaign suit and tie and gets down to business. That's hope and change we can hope for.

See you next week,

P.S.: Don't forget to follow and like us!

RoyalExecutioner

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