Friday, June 17, 2011

6-17-11: Dennis Sues Obama, Mitt's Unemployed, and Would You Please Pass the Spam

Summer is literally around the corner, so you'd best be prepared for long stretches of that oppressive, boiling heat. We Turner Central peeps are begrudgingly taking it in stride, but we're certain Democrats would rather suffer in the warm temps than endure another scandal from their ranks.

Anyways, here's this week's roundup!

Forecast

Michele Bachmann is in it to win! The Tea Party darling announced her BIG announcement during the GOP debate earlier in the week. No longer will the media have to look to Sarah Palin for absurd and hilarious TR bachmann eyesquotes. We have to give Michele props, though, for performing (somewhat) below the insanity threshold on Monday. Now, about those farm subsidies...

A bipartisan cadre of lawmakers led by Dennis Kucinich (of course) has sued the Obama Administration. The lawsuit challenges the President's use of military force in Libya - without authorization from Congress - while using international organizations, such as the UN and NATO, as cover. We are literally going to be up at night fretting over how far this case will go.

Golfing and winning. That's Barry's game-plan to maybe get those budget talks back on track with Mr. Boehner. The pair tee-off this weekend at Camp David. Fingers crossed. Meanwhile, Grandpa Joe and Senate Republicans continue with the more traditional route of bipartisan budget meetings. Mitch McConnell's compromise plan: Cut spending and absolutely NO new taxes. Looks like Mitch ended up walking along that bridge to nowhere that Sarah didn't want

The Week That Was

So, did anyone tune in to the ground-breaking CNN debate on Monday? We were hoping for some real substance from the GOP candidates, but the debate's format (30 second responses) and John King's grunting bothered EVERYONE. Sadly, we can't count on CNN anymore to bring us TR GOPdebatethe news. Mitt Romney stood there, slick and untouchable, as T-Paw pitifully danced around his own 'ObamneyCare' creation. No matter - our Mittens made a fool of himself on what was supposed to be a typical campaign stop. He's just like many unemployed Americans: Without a job, but sitting on hundreds of millions. Oh, and his Afghanistan policy gaffe is sure to backfire with the rabid base.

Anthony Weiner resigned from Congress, after a nearly three-week freak-show of lewd photos, denials and admissions. House Democrats are airing a sigh of a relief. Now, let's get back to work, shall we, Congress? There's a growing chorus of Huma Abedin fans who want her to run for his seat, but because New York is set to lose two House seats in time for 2012, only egomaniacs should bother to take a shot at being a full-time lame duck. Luckily, we never seem to be short on those.

A federal judge upheld a decision that struck down a ban on same-sex marriage in California. U.S. District Court Judge James Ware ruled that his predecessor, who is gay, could still be impartial, even if the case affected him. Really? Shocking!

Several courageous Saudi Arabian women got behind the wheel to protest the Kingdom's ban on women drivers. Their campaign was TR Saudiwomandriversparked after a woman was detained for ten days for releasing a video that showed her driving. Maybe Barry can have a little chat when the Prince comes a callin'. Doubtful.

The situation in Greece is spiraling out of control. Thousands of protestors are in the streets as the threat of a default looms. Economists worry that a default could trigger a financial meltdown similar to that of the Lehman Brothers' collapse of 2008. Oh wait, that was kind of a big deal, wasn't it...

That Rapture forecasting man, Harold Camping, suffered a stroke at his California home. Perhaps the end is near for one man?

Are You Not Entertained?

Harry Potter fans are wearing their sad faces now. The latest trailer for the final Potter movie is out. JK Rowling has registered a new website for some announcement next week.

If we've learned something about Oprah over the years, it's that she can accomplish anything. Her next goal that came in a dream: An interview with OJ Simpson in which he confesses. TR Tpawglitter

Hugh Hefner isn't taking the called- off wedding well. The owner of Playboy has gone so far as to alter the cover of his now former fiance. Well, maybe you deserved it, jerk.

T-Paw receives the glitter treatment in San Francisco. Yes, the biggest news was that Tim was in San Francisco.

Do you want to see Anthony Weiner on Entourage? Puhleeze. Talk about bad business strategy. Larry Flynt has also made an offer...

Interweb Tomfoolery

The dean of the medical school at the University of Alberta took the shortcut and plagiarized his graduation speech from The New Yorker. That's no way to perform surgery.

McDonald's has been very busy this week, and it has nothing to do with dolling out the Happy Meals. Some pranksters thought it would be TR spamburgerhilarious to insinuate that the fast-food chain discriminates against African Americans.

Burger King in Japan has introduced a special spam burger for the ladies. Uh, we'll pass on that.

As a former employee of Whole Foods, your Royal Executioner can relate, (sort of?), to this composer's hit on YouTube. All natural, all the time.

Here is your John Edwards mugshot. Scumbag.

Out on the Town

Are you planning something special for dad's special day? For the baseball lover, the Orioles and Nationals are batting it out on Sunday. Have fun, even if there's a rivalry in the fam.

Take the entire family to Daddy and Me Tea at The Grille in Alexandria for some good food and perhaps a dance lesson.

Celebrate Father's Day in style on a Caribbean cruise or on the Spirit of Washington.
TR 1dad
A couple of things going on in Manassas this weekend that's worth mentioning: Flight lessons for beginners and the Manassas Wine and Jazz Festival.

Brew It. Taste It. Sip It. Pork It. Mmm...If your belly's up to the challenge, head over to the Beer, Bourbon & BBQ Festival TONIGHT at the National Harbor. Saturday is already sold out.

Prepare for summer's arrival with dozens of musicians, dance, and French pastries at the French Embassy.

Scorecard

The scandal involving America's most-famous Weiner is over. Thank you, Jesus. Michele Bachmann's entrance into the 2012 campaign is paying dividends to comedians and commentators alike. Can Mitt remain invulnerable through next year or is his 'unemployment' gaffe just the beginning of the end?

Until next week,

RoyalExecutioner

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