Friday, May 27, 2011

5-27-11: T-Paw is Surging, O'bama Out on the Town, and Oprah Says Goodbye

We're all still here! Heaven's mercy. Yes, it appears that either we've all entered this wonderful heaven, which is eerily similar to the past-life, or we've all been duped by a true, scheming American capitalist. Worry not, October 21 is the newly-projected date of the REAL Rapture.

In the meantime, snark on...

Forecast

Let's fast forward a year or so into the future. Will Barry be running against a formidable opponent or will your Royal Executioner still be bored to death covering some 'generic GOP candidate?' Now, back to the present, and, hey, things are looking brighter.
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Minnesota bore Tim Pawlenty launched his campaign on Monday. Someone on his online team got ahead of themselves and put the video up on Sunday. Accident, maybe? Only T-Paw knows, because he's America's truth-telling savior. Sadly, this story surely won't help his cause. Good work, opposition researchers! The former Governor is doing quite well - pulling in a cool six percent! He should audition to appear in the next Godfather's Pizza spot.

Sister Sarah is hittin' the road for a tour of the greatest country on Earth. For some reason, she's left Hawaii off the itinerary. We're guessing it's not a part of real 'Murica. There's also talk of a new video that's supposedly going to debut in Iowa. The half-term Governor also quit her digs in Alaska for the warm sun of Arizona. Ah, retirement, so close.

Mitt Romney returns (did he really leave?) to New Hampshire next Friday for his campaign kick-off. Some delightful news for many of us: Michele Bachmann is probably going to announce a run for the White House sometime next month. Finally, some dude named 'Rick Santorum' is jumping in soon, too.

Republicans are touching Medicare. Eww. The Senate showed Paul Ryan's budget the door as GOP leadership now contend the growing backlash is just a messaging problem and not just bad policy. Dick Cheney is envious of Ryan's position, while Bill Clinton is offering a TR medicaresignsympathetic ear. Don't do it, Bubba! According to Rupert Murdoch's Wall Street Journal, Republicans are looking to reset the debate on economic issues. You know that that means: tax cuts, more tax cuts, and even more tax cuts. Today is a great day to be a multinational corporation. A little side note: we hear that Tea Party darling Rand Paul wants the rules changed, just for himself.

Hillary Clinton flew to Pakistan last night and met with Pakistani intelligence and military leaders as relations between the two countries remain strained in the weeks after the bin Laden raid. Meanwhile, a CIA team has been given permission to inspect the now infamous compound.

Libya's Muammar Gaddafi is calling for a ceasefire with the countries that are currently bombing his country. President Obama, at the G8 Summit, reiterated that there will be no letup to pressure Gaddafi to relinquish his power. Egypt's deposed leader, Hosni Mubarak, and his sons are facing criminal charges of corruption relating to misuse of public funds and other abuses of power. The three will also face charges of premeditated murder over the deaths of more than 800 protestors.

The Week That Was

Some sad news coming from the Heartland this week. Severe weather, including some very scary tornadoes tore through once peaceful communities across the Midwest and South. Joplin, MO saw the most fatalities from just one tornado. 125 are confirmed dead and 232 are still missing. There are some truly heartbreaking stories being told. As if the situation weren't bad enough for these people, some House Republicans are doing a marvelous job to add to their misery. We encourage you to help out by donating to organizations such as the American Red Cross.

TR obamasdrinkingPresident O'Bama was in Europe and took a moment to return to his Irish roots in the little town of Moneygall, the birthplace of his great-great-great grandfather. The First Couple couldn't leave without stopping by a local pub for a taste of authentic Irish booze. We're glad the President wasn't behind the wheel as his motorcade, uh, tried to depart the Dublin Embassy. Way to represent, America! Obama also met with Queen Elizabeth II and the newly married royal couple in a stop at Buckingham Palace. No indication that the royal snub was brought up. While in France, Obama held talks with leaders of the G8, but nothing productive appears to have resulted from the meetings. (Hands up if you're shocked...) The President is in Poland today before he returns to Washington.

Congratulations to Kathy Hochul, the new Congresswoman-elect from New York's 26th District. Hochul edged out Jane Corwin, who now sorely regrets not purchasing janecorwin.org. Medicare appears to have been a big factor in the normally reliable Republican district.

Hey there, Patrick McHenry! Things got a little testy at a House subcommittee hearing between the Congressman and Elizabeth Warren. The North Carolinian showed a little of that Southern hospitality to the President's consumer protection adviser. We think she deserves an apology, mister. Warren's online supporters had a field day on the Congressman's Facebook page.

The House passed a $690 billion defense bill, which included a slight increase in military pay, an increase in health care fees for working-age retirees, and $119 billion for Afghanistan and Iraq. The Senate will consider the bill sometime in mid-June. Congress also gave the green light to several provisions of the Patriot Act. President Obama 'signed' the bill with an autopen.

The Supreme Court upheld Arizona's controversial immigration law that punishes businesses that hire undocumented workers. E-Verify, a federal database program used to check employee documentation, has been in use in Arizona since 2008. We think this next story deserves some TR crazyjoeattention for its Arizona connection and irony: Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, known for his whacky way of treating his fellow human beings, has, apparently, failed to keep his house in order. What say you, Sheriff Joe? In another Supreme Court decision, California may have to release thousands of inmates because of inhumane conditions in an overpopulated prison system.

Remember those massive Wisconsin protests and Governor Scott Walker? Well, Dane County Judge Maryann Sumi overturned legislation that limited collective bargaining and cuts to health and pension benefits. Walker has pledged to fight the decision with legislation or through the state supreme court. We thought you appreciated public workers, Scotty.

Ratko Mladic, a notorious Bosnian Serb military commander, was captured after sixteen years on the run. Mladic is accused, among many things, of leading the slaughter of more than 8,000 Muslims in a 1995 massacre.

Are You Not Entertained?

MSNBC handed Ed Schultz a one-week suspension after the media personality made an idiot of himself by insulting Laura Ingraham, and all women really, on his radio show. Not that Laura has EVER been a controversial figure.
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So long free cars. So long trips to Australia and beyond. The Oprah Winfrey show ended its 25-year run Wednesday. There now, have a tissue.

Glenn Beck's University and gold-selling efforts are about to be eclipsed by something grander! The Beckster has gone full tilt with the social media craze. Can he compete with Groupon? Wait and see. The Crazy Man has a new show in the works, too.

Bill O'Reilly has some breaking news: Kim Kardashian is a pinhead. What took you so long, Bill?

The Situation and a co-star tarnished the goodwill and reputation of America as they duked it out during a taping of their reality show. Ratings boost, anyone? Disgusting.

Interweb Tomfoolery

Ever wanted to enjoy a large, yet cheap sandwich, in style? Subway is targeting some very important people (and their cash) with an upscale makeover in some of its eateries.

Facebook has taken some jabs from conservatives over the years. Obama's town hall a few weeks back just fed them more ammo. But TR turtlecrosswait, Facebook is truly bipartisan! They've just hired a few people from Team Dubya. That must be a good thing, right?

Was it the video camera? This turtle sped off in a hurry.

Hands off, Strauss-Kahn. Two years ago the Obamas had a run-in with the now disgraced former IMF head. Barack's a smart guy, y'all.

CNN's hard news bureau is working overtime, for once. They've uncovered some questionable experiments being performed at the National Science Foundation. Five-hundred thousand whoopers for that one.

Video games in the bathroom. Where's the irony in that?

Out on the Town

Enjoying the heat this week? Put on some sunscreen because there's plenty to do over the Memorial Day weekend.

The major event, of course will be the National Memorial Day Concert in front of the U.S. Capitol. Keep your Sunday night plans open. The annual Rolling Thunder parade takes place earlier in the day. Who knows, you may see Queen Sarah arriving by motorcycle.

Carl Craig is coming to the U Street Music Hall, Scream will be at the Black Cat, and Beach Fossils are kicking off summer at the JFK Center.

ThTR spiritroveris will be of interest to you politicos: Farragut North, based loosely on the observations of a Howard Dean 2004 staffer, is playing at the Olney Theater Center.

The Mars Spirit Rover may have gone silent forever (poor thing), but that doesn't mean you can't indulge yourself in 50 Years of Exploration at the National Air and Space Museum.

Come see the winner and finalists of the Washington Post's Peeps Diorama Contest at the Artisphere. There probably won't be any taste testing.

The Argentine Festival has arrived at the Thomas Jefferson Community Theatre. Don't miss the tango band and great food.

Scorecard

Our hearts go out to those affected by this week's severe weather. They sure have been through a lot - first the Mississippi River flooding and now this. Let's hope politics remain out of their recovery.

Meanwhile, our boredom of the 2012 race may be days away from a cure. Let's all pray that Michele, Sarah, and Rudy jump in. We're ready to go!

Enjoy your weekend,

RoyalExecutioner

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