Friday, March 4, 2011

3-4-11: Newt's Stock Announcement, Bobby's in a Bit of Trouble, and Biebs Says Sowwy

Spring's in the air and so is revolution. Despite Governor Walker's heavy hand in Madison, he's no match for the Twitter, which won't make him official. Can Wisconsin Democrats outlast the guv?

Anyways, snark on!


Come on, Congress, let us know if this government shut down you've all been talking about will happen already! Both the House and Senate voted to fund the government through the 18th, but how much longer can this game of chicken last? Boehner says he's not against cutting Medicare and Social Security benefits. Okay, Dems, NOW you've got something to talk about. Wasn't it Boehner who had asked Nancy, "where are the jobs"? The GOP budget plan from the House will slash 700,000 jobs, according to Moody's. And he's gotta be extra careful now, because the Teabaggers are after him.

Sheriff Issa is looking at cleaning up his own house! His spokesman may have "improperly" shared e-mails with a NYT reporter, and Darrell wanted to know the facts! The self-promoting committee staffer has been promptly fired. No one's safe. Could we finally be seeing some real oversight from the Grand Old Party? Oh, wait... never mind.

Obama wants Gaddafi out now and has imposed an arms embargo on Libya, AND has frozen $30 billion of assets in the country. A "delusional" Gaddafi hasn't budged a bit since the beginning of protests and a violent crackdown. The U.S. is consulting with its allies in NATO about imposing a no-fly zone over Libya to prevent Gaddafi from bombing his own people, which he continues unopposed. His son says the airstrikes were a "misunderstanding." What a sicko. Russia is decidedly against a no-fly zone. ABC was the first American network to secure an interview with the Libyan leader since the unrest began. As you can see, his answers aren't based in reality. The revolutions keep comin': protests also broke out in Oman over the weekend and the Tunisian prime minister resigned.

Scott Walker tried kicking the protesters out of "his" capitol building, and a judge maintains that they can do their protest thing during business hours only. Walker also says thousands of state workers are going to get the pink slip if his beloved anti-union legislation isn't passed. Now THISTR stockphoto is a real game of chicken! Meanwhile, the state senate passed a resolution calling for the arrest of the Wisconsin 14. How soon will some screenwriter jump on this one, y'think?

Newt Gingrich, the shining beacon of family values, announced the formation of a presidential exploratory committee -- with a little help from the Getty Images stock photo store. Newt Explore? No, thanks. T-Paw is out and about trying to convince the Tea Party that he's really one of them. And poor Mittens keeps gettin' bad news. Fox News suspended just two of its presidential candidate pundit people. The move has Rick crying foul. Meanwhile, Barry's team is ramping up for another colossal haul.

The Week That Was

The latest job numbers are out: unemployment has fallen below 9% -- the first time in two years. Guess who's taking some of the credit? Yes, House Republicans have somehow concluded that going after women, rolling back climate legislation and hatin' on the gays has somehow gotten this economy back on track! Kudos, you guys...

Also, Senators and Reps., can we have a little chat in our office? Let's talk about what you should say in front of the public and staff. Orrin Hatch was clearly pandering to Utah's Tea Party when he used some particularly spicy language to describe the health care law. And Tom Coburn is well-known for his crusade against government waste. Wow, and, uh, chill out, Sheila Jackson-Lee.

Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito was the lone dissenter in the 8-1 decision in Snyder v. Phelps. Y'all know the Phelps -- the crazy peeps from Westboro Baptist who have a weird fetish for protesting at funerals? Anyways, even though they're so full of hate, the Phelps family is still covered by the First Amendment. Let freedom ring. Bleh.

Every week brings out something new and crazy in this great country. Some Ohio GOP'ers "forced" two fetuses to do their bidding in their fight against women's rights. Disgusting. Turns out one of them wasn't in a cooperative mood. In similar news, a bunny is (was?) the prop in another anti-choice ad. Poor thing. So, folks, we may have to take back the whole thing about hot-button social issues taking a back seat in 2012. Who were we kidding... no one wants to solve TR bobbyjindalIMMEDIATE and PRESSING problems like the economy... women's reproductive rights are much more important!

Down in the Bayou, Bobby Jindal is having a PR nightmare and it's all over a charity foundation started by his wife. Do these corporations all have vested interest in the children, or are they just looking for under-the-table favors? In the grand scheme of things, this may not be much (and that's saying something about Louisiana).

Are You Not Entertained?

Have you been watching the Charlie Sheen trainwreck? We've tried not to, but the media loves the story so much. His children have been taken away, and he's taken to the Twitter, which appears to have made him the winner at the end of the week. Sheesh. Care to play a guessing game between Charlie and Gaddafi?

Beliebers watching the Oscars couldn't believe their eyes when they saw their idol with a new lady friend. A sad day for us all, indeed. TR biebsfinger(We mean, them. The Bieber fans. Not, haha, any of us from Turner Central... hehe... um...) Biebs wasn't having it with the paps on his big day and flipped the bird. He now says he's sowwy about the incident. We forgive you! In Hollywood-Washington-related news, former Sen. Chris Dodd was chosen to become chairman of the MPAA. That's quite a raise, Chris. Also, if you haven't heard already, Mike Huckabee loathes Natalie Portman.

Kathleen Parker has departed some show from CNN. It looks like Eliot had dibs on her office and has already moved in. Look for more changes, er cancellations, over at CNN. Hey, hey, maybe Hillary's right about this one!

Almost, almost! Part-time comedian Christine O'Donnell has turned down the opportunity of a lifetime to appear on Dancing with the Stars. Christine will be focusing her magic on that new PAC of hers and completing a book that tells the TRUE story of her 2010 campaign (i.e., none of that witchcraftery or campaign impropriety stuff).

Interweb Tomfoolery

Hill staffers (and their bosses) are bashing social media! Maybe it's time Queenie got up there for some training sessions. Oh, and apparently Rick Perry doesn't like some local journalists following him on the Twitter. Someone's got a big chip on their shoulder.

A "software bug" caused an inadvertent hiccup when 150,000 Gmail accounts were reset and all those e-mails were temporarily wiped. The company says it will be able to recover all that was lost. Phew.

Oh, WaPo, we know you're trying to drive traffic, but please, don't TR zuckerbergmake it so obvious.

Facebook is moving ahead with plans to sell your contact information to the highest bidder(s). Curse you, Zuckerberg!!!

Maryland delegate Sam Arora has a lot of people "liking" his official Facebook page, but all for the wrong reasons. Do the right thing and support equality! The gays are formidable!

Let's have a look now at the GMU band playing Rage at an actual basketball game. It's still makes Queenie just as happy!

Keep it classy, UVA Law.

Shameless Promotion of Others

March is National Women's History month, and our lovely colleague Jennifer Dickson is working diligently on the Real Mama Grizzlies campaign promoting women conservation leaders, past and present. Take that, Sarah!

Out on the Town

For those not part of the select few who can enjoy Barry and Michelle's homebrew, there's always brunch with unlimited champagne or mimosa at Kellari Taverna. Say hi to Violet for us, and, oh, there's also plenty of Greek dance and music tonight!

Some of you must be agonizing because St. Patrick's Day is still two weeks away. In the meantime, you can go bar hopping Saturday between 15 establishments (you'll also be in Turner Central's neighborhood). Be responsible, kiddos -- and no, you CAN'T crash on our conference table. Later, head on over to the 9:30 Club as Corey Smith takes the stage.

TR gleecastBring the fam and the young'uns out to Family Festival 2011: D.C. Color Splash! to learn more about local musicians and artists and participate in numerous workshops. Trust us -- it's fun, even though we just said "workshops!"

Don't head home to the 'tube for your favorite show, Glee fans. Town Danceboutique has set aside tonight just for you all, with karaoke, singalongs, and other performances. Watch all your favorite clips, too!

Mardi Gras is here! At least, in Falls Church. Y'all come down here for masks and beads, ya hear?

Spend an afternoon crafting, dancing and learning at Carnival! in Greenbelt. Cafe Atlántico is hosting a weekend of dining and martial arts, with a Brazilian flare.


There's just so much going on in politics in the domestic arena that its fighting neck and neck with unrest overseas. We can all get our news on these events and more, if CNN would just listen to Stewart, for once.

See you next week!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Turner Report,

My name is Barbara O’Brien and I am a political blogger. Just had a question about your blog and couldn’t find an email—please get back to me as soon as you can (barbaraobrien(at)