Don't worry, though, the snark continues.
The news out of Japan gets worse with every passing day. The country observed a moment of silence as police say that more than 7,000 are confirmed dead and more than 10,000 are still missing. The nuclear power plant crisis has everyone on edge. Japanese engineers are talking about burying the reactors with sand and concrete as a last resort. State is offering Americans a lift out of the country, but they must be prepared to pay their own way. What a downer. Back home, Crescent City, CA appears to have suffered the most damage on the U.S. mainland. West Coast peeps, don't get too panicky--the radiation plume reached California today, but health officials says there's little risk of danger. Just don't take your queues from Ann Coulter. As it continues to monitor the situation, Germany announced plans to exit the nuclear power industry entirely by the 2030s. Meanwhile, U.S. nuclear energy lobbyists have been busy making the rounds on the Hill to prevent that sort of thing from happening in the United States and Holy Joe says take it slow on new nuclear facilities. Hey, money talks. Speaking of money, stock markets had a wild ride this week. And we should be paying attention, because Japan is the third largest economy in the world.
The U.N. Security Council passed a resolution calling for a cease-fire in Libya and the creation of a no-fly zone to prevent Col. Gaddafi's forces from bombarding rebels. The U.K. will likely play a major role in enforcing the no-fly zone. U.S. forces could participate in air strikes should Gadaffi violate the resolution. Obama just stated that military action is on the table, should the Libyan leader continue his crackdown.
In political news, our illustrious Speaker is having trouble corralling the Tea Party people to his side while negotiating a budget. How's that unity thing going for ya, John? Although...he might have more success showing America how much he hates NPR. Boehner's had to turn to his most trusted allies -- the Democrats -- to gather the necessary votes to keep the government running. Are you sorry you won in November?
Gaffe-prone Michele Bachmann is ever closer to making a bid for the presidency. Watch out, Sarah, you've lost your luster. Haley Barbour is making sure he has the house in order before any announcement and Rick's sure to appeal to the anti-Sharia crowd. Nevada's funniest candidate, Sharron Angle, is looking to get back into the game. Union-busting governor Scott Walker is now being touted as presidential material. Oh, and The Donald has officially joined the ever-growing 2012 presidential candidate birther crowd. Ughh, what's happened to this country?
Barry added Ireland to his European itinerary. He made the special announcement as Ireland's new prime minister was in town to meet with business and congressional leaders. Nice work on the fountain, by the way. On the domestic front, Obama is moving ahead with gun control. The NRA will probably skip the White House's invitation. Shucks. Meanwhile, Joe Biden is apparently leading the search to replace FBI Director Robert Mueller, whose mandatory 10-year term is coming to an end. Also, will Google's CEO be the latest addition to Obama's cabinet?
The Week That Was
Soldiers from several Gulf nations entered the small island-nation Bahrain to "restore order" after weeks of unrest. Bahraini officials urged citizens to "cooperate completely" with the friendly entourage. A three-month state of emergency has also been declared. The media doing a super-duper job covering this unfolding story, right? Guys...? Hillary Clinton conducted the first post-Mubarak diplomatic mission to Egypt and met with new cabinet officials and called for democratic reform. She also made VERY clear that she's not staying in the administration should Obama win re-election. And no, don't get any other ideas.
A Dane County circuit judge halted the controversial collective bargaining law in Wisconsin. Several Wisconsin GOP legislators were hanging around D.C. for a fundraiser (Koch-related?). A crowd of Wisconsin protesters also made the trek to our capital to show them they couldn't run away. Hah! The recall effort also appears on track. So much drama, and yet we just found out that every Republican's idol is in fact a lover of unions and collective bargaining. Oopsies.
Ladies, the GOP is still at it with H.R. 3, the No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act, as it's called. There's a provision in there that the Tea Partiers should hate, because it deals with the IRS. Basically the IRS will be seeing if women who had an abortion adhered to the law, to make sure federal dollars only paid for the procedure in cases of rape or incest. How is this getting Americans back to work, Boehner? Don't forget about the unemployed!
The White House wasn't too happy with former Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide's return to the earthquake-ravaged country. They believe his sudden return after 7 years of exile is related to a run-off in Sunday's presidential election.
Silvio Berlusconi, who is due to stand trial next month for allegedly paying a minor for sex now says he's too old for all that promiscuous stuff. Haha, that's a great...lie.
It's official--the Browning model M1911 automatic pistol became the official gun of Utah. Utah is the first state to have an official firearm. Priorities these days.
Are You Not Entertained?
Missing a little Larry? The former Larry King Live host could soon be a contributor on the Daily Show. Somehow we don't see poor Larry as hip and funny. Also, do y'all remember that Indiana senator Evan Bayh, who retired because of the partisan atmosphere in the Senate? Well, he's about to show off his objective policy chops by becoming a Fox News pundit. Fair and balanced, indeed.
The Situation BOMBED at The Donald's roast. We're a little more embarrassed for the ball of hair than Mr. Sorrentino. Who's this Situtation dude, you say? Find out, because not knowing could cost you on the SAT.
Biebs, it's too early for you. Anyways, his new love is taking the hate mail pretty badly.
Kudos, America! It turns out now unemployed Charlie Sheen would defeat fellow entertainer and reality-star Sarah Palin in a presidential campaign. No, really, that's a rather pitiful showing for the snowbilly grifter. Maybe she'll fare better in 2016!
The New York Times will be instituting its pay-wall "service" starting at the end of the month for U.S.-based readers. They say people like our precious Turner Report followers will still be able to read articles we link beyond the monthly quota. Great...we think. Or do what Juli Weiner did: read the headline and take a guess at what the ending will be!
Another WaPo reporter got caught plagiarizing.
Somehow Fox News producers always manage to screw up their geography lessons. No wonder many viewers come away from that channel with just the "facts."
While we're still in the mood for all things Irish: the Fake Irish Blessing.
Eventbrite says Facebook is more profitable than Twitter. Agree? Let's hope there's more to social media growth than that.
20,000 bouncy balls dropped from a helicopter. It's all in the name of science. Great t-shirt by the way, miss.
This guy had the right idea for soliciting donations for the Japanese.
Out on the Town
So you've recovered from the St. Patty's Day bar-hopping binge, but you're still looking to have a little "fun" over the next week? Oyamel is having free tequila tasting Monday through Thursday. You'll have to get there right after work, though. There's more wine to go around--if you can stomach a longer journey beyond city limits.
Get fit (for free!) during DC Fit Week all next week. Sign up here for yoga, pilates, spinning, outdoor running, and more. We're thinking of doing some of that running, because its so nice outside!
The Boston Symphony Orchestra is in town tomorrow at the JFK Center. Any Schumann and Mozart fans?
Also, if you're not inebriated Saturday night, you might want to take a look at the sky and witness the largest full moon in 18 years.
Geeky insect lovers--Edward O. Wilson is at the Museum of National History tonight.
Take a break from March Madness, if you can. Soccer is back in season. D.C. United takes on Columbus Crew at RFK Stadium tomorrow.
A haunting prediction 20 years ago by author Michael Lewis, about a devastating earthquake in Japan having a global impact, appears to be ringing true. Despite the catastrophe there STILL exists unrest in the Middle East. Oh, well. We're hopeful for "good" news, somewhere. Please...
We'll see what next week holds in store.