Having a productive day, folks? If you're not out of town, you're in the office checking your Facebook and Gchatting your BFF, we'll bet, and that's okay. We understand!
We couldn't leave you starved for this extended weekend, so Queenie and the Executioner put their heads together for snark to help you through these final hours before the holiday. It'll sustain you until that 3,000-calorie meal on Thursday.
Obama is back from his series of meetings in Europe and is looking forward (haha) to the last days of the lame-duck Congress. The START treaty is on the rocks, the Middle East peace process is stalled once again, and what's this just now coming from North Korea? Never mind the nuclear facility hoopla. Also, 61 Democratic and Republican representatives signed a letter to Obama in opposition to extending the mission in Afghanistan beyond July 2011. A very busy and likely brutal winter for the White House -- so why not kick that off with a turkey pardon featuring a swank V.I.P. party for the chosen turkeys at the P.O.V. lounge? (Yes, folks, that second link is real.)
Despite favorable poll numbers, Rahm just got a well-known challenger in his bid to be Chicago's next mayor.
Yes, people, ballots are still being counted in some races. Rep. Timothy Bishop FINALLY pulled ahead of his GOP challenger... by 15 votes; still thousands more are to be counted. A Texas Democrat concedes, and that leaves us with four more undecided races. Jim DeMint is obsessed with keeping fellow Republican Lisa Murkowski out of the Senate. Pelosi is getting back to work to rebuild the Democratic caucus, appointing a Long Islander to lead the DCCC, while taking a jab at Boehner's tears.
Ireland has "imploded" after finally asking for a $100 billion bailout, adding fuel to the European financial crisis fire. That and the crisis in Korea has set the stock markets on edge.
The Week That Was
Thanksgiving is just around the corner and that means thousands of air travelers are certain to face the much-talked about full-body scanners. TSA is facing significant backlash from travelers and Congress -- except Boehner, of course. It also received the SNL treatment. Hillary's not a fan of them either. Fortunately, you can still catch up on some important reading before boarding your plane. Finally, are the scanners more dangerous than we think? Or is this whole thing getting blown out of proportion?
Michele, the insane asylum is calling again!
Monday marked the 47th anniversary of JFK's assassination. Former Secret Secret agents on his detail opened up about the tragic day and the aftermath. For some reason, Sarah had something to say about the former president, and as always, got it wrong. Just another reason she should stick to reality television up in Alaska... but if that new book/tour tells us anything, it's that Palin won't listen to Barbara Bush.
At least 1,344 have died from cholera out of 57,000 infected in Haiti. To donate and help the people there, go to UNICEF.
Are You Not Entertained?
The Simpsons take another dig at Fox News, their "alleged" campaign to stop health reform, and their viewer make-up. Bill O wasn't happy and added the show his list of "pinheads."
We get the tween obsession with Bieber (or do we)? But really, Usher, do you need to shed tears for him? (PS: If you see someone sharing a story about Bieber's boner on Facebook, don't click it. Virus.)
We make fun of Bristol as much as anybody else, but the death threats are really taking this whole thing out of hand. Bristol, walk out! You'll be safer!
Beck told his followers to have a "conversation" at the dinner table, without mentioning his name. Don't let the Teabaggers ruin your turkey dinner!
OPRAH'S. FAVORITE. THINGS. We won't waste our time being bitter at not getting an iPad or a VW -- instead we've been watching these reaction videos on a continuous loop.
Landing on a desk near you: Steve Jobs. You may continue your scary cultist worshipping in private now.
Epic Meal Time! These dudes have made overeating into a hobby, and their take on Thanksgiving will both disgust you and intrigue you. Vegans, you'd probably (read: DEFINITELY) better avoid this one. In fact, here, go enter to win a Tofurky.
Meghan McCain, a Republican "strategist"?
Out on the Town
Need to get the kiddies outta the house for a while? Take them to watch live tarantula feedings (Ed. note- EWWW.) at the Natural History Museum Thursday morning. And, hey, maybe you don't want to cook on Thursday -- more power to you! Some fancy shmancy restaurants are available to do the cooking and the cleaning. If you need to entertain some relatives through Sunday, there's nothing better than a Caps game.
Speaking of that (we'll say it again) 3,000-calorie meal, work it off in advance at the Turkey Chase or the Turkey Trot. Or do what Queenie prefers and DANCE it off: at Fort Knox Five, at Cyndi Lauper's 930 Club show or at '80s alt-pop night.
Ok, peeps. Black Friday. Do you have a game plan? WaPo has a great breakdown so you can make sure to score all The Deals, including the online ones (did you miss Cyber Monday yesterday? Are you ready for Small Business Saturday?). If the shopping-gasm at the mall ain't your thing, you could always culture it up with an art sale and jazz concert instead. A slightly more intense and hipster-friendly version is happening at Art Carnage in Vienna.
Good luck this weekend, ladies and fellas -- here are a few recipe ideas if you'll need a little nip of something to get you through the family time, and here's a list of ideas to help you keep everyone happy through the post-turkey-coma. Everyone except the turkey, that is.
See you next week!