Friday, November 12, 2010

11.12.10: Democratic Brokering, What's Wrong with Texas, and Canada is Dreaming of Jersey

Are we feeling optimistic yet? Oops... no. There's a bitter taste in the progressive air, and in light of this whole "we're going to compromise with Republicans" talk, people are starting to get angry. (Well, angrier.) Can Pelosi lead the charge? Will Dems stay on message? Can we remain focu- THERE'S GONNA BE FACEBOOK EMAIL?!

Sorry, sorry. We're totally focused. We swear.

Forecast

The newly-minted GOP majority is looking forward to spending your tax dollars to "investigate" health care reform, the Stimulus, anything Obama and whatever the hell else they can think up. This means the creation of numerous subcommittees. Conservatism and small government, right, you guys? Also, candidate Rand Paul backed a ban on earmarks, but now it looks like he's going to be disappointing his Tea Party followers. But don't worry! Jim DeMint will gladly take that banner from Rand for use on his presidential campaign! Also, Nancy Reagan has already announced plans for a debate between a few unknown GOP candidates next spring.

Nancy Pelosi is spending her final weeks as Speaker of the House ginning up support from colleagues to back her return as minority leader. However, more and more conservative Democrats are asking that she step aside. Meanwhile, she's trying to broker a deal between Steny Hoyer and Jim Clyburn, who are battling over the No. 2 spot. On the other side of the aisle, Michele Bachmann ended her short campaign to be chair of the House Republican Conference. But hey, she'll still be a great source of mockery in any position she holds. On the Senate side, Reid has reportedly asked a fellow westerner to head the DSCC.

While Barry is overseas, Gibbsy is in charge (no!!!). So Gibbsy, is the White House caving to Repubs over extending tax cuts for the rich? Er, maybe not? Democrats are furious. What.is.compromise? Stay tuned -- this tax cat-fight (rowr!) during the lame-duck session (uh... quack?) is going to get real nasty. Come home, Barry!

Desperation is setting in for Alaska Tea Partier Joe Miller. Come on now, whose name is this? That's right -- his attorneys challenged that ballot for some reason. For future reference, peeps, please don't write any letter in cursive or in "bubble form" on your ballot.

These days it seems Texas wants to take the "Craziest State in the Union" mantle from Arizona. First, we have State Rep. Debbie Riddle (HAH), who made a name for herself claiming to have secret info. about little terrorist anchor babies. Now she fears them so much that she camped out in in front of the clerk's office to file her own Arizona-like immigration bill. Not to be outdone, recently re-elected Gov. Rick Perry says states should be able opt out of Social Security, while GOP lawmakers are looking at dropping Medicaid. Wow, we feel sorry for sooo many Texans right now...

Reports indicate that Burma is on the verge of releasing pro-democracy activist Aung San Suu Kyi, who has been under house arrest for more than two decades.

The Week That Was

So... apparently Sarah is an economics expert. How has she been able to hide this fact from us for two years? We know she hates the Wall Street Journal, but can ya get those pesky facts straight, Sarah? She was also in Pennsylvania for some reason or another and decided that buying cookies would be a great way to protest a mythical "nanny state."

Obama has been a busybee overseas. He endorsed India to become a permanent member of the U.N. Security Council. Thanks to a smoldering volcano, his journey to his boyhood home of Indonesia was cut to under a day. The media turned its attention to food and, uh, a gay nanny. And then he was off to Seoul to say thanks to the troops on Veterans Day and to participate in a two-day G-20 summit. Michelle Obama headed home early and surprised a couple hundred troops and their family members on Veterans Day. Plus, was this handshake with Michelle really a diplomatic faux pas or just another case of fame-seeking? That sure doesn't look like avoidance to us.

Eight months after their election, Iraqis have tentatively agreed to a plan for a unity government. Iraq's current Prime Minister will return for a second term. There's still much more too be done, obviously. Also, its looking like the Obama administration is moving away from it's 2011 deadlines for an Afghanistan withdrawal.

Keith Olbermann returned to his show Tuesday after a very short suspension and apology from network execs. Did MSNBC retreat after pulling a Juan Williams? In any case, his "premiere" received strong ratings.

Cindy McCain joined the NOH8 campaign in the fight to repeal DADT. Boy, we'd love to have been around their dinner table after that one.

The U.S. Postal Service announced that it would go broke by the end of the 2011 fiscal year without congressional action.

More than 4k travelers are receiving a full refund and vouchers for a future trip from Carnival Cruise Lines after their ship became stranded in the waters off of Mexico earlier this week. It took nearly three days for two itty-bitty tugboats to tow the massive cruise ship back to San Diego. Spam to the rescue! Literally.

Are You Not Entertained?

Harry Potter premiered!!! Emma Watson looked absolutely gorgeous, in Queenie's opinion. Queenie's got her tickets for next weekend -- do you? In other new movie news, there is going to be a new Muppet movie possibly featuring Lady Gaga. Run, Kermit! RUN!

Sorry, Kim, but Hillary isn't much of a fan of you and your sisters' "work;" however, she did have some tips on the finer points of take-out dinners.

How has Bristol managed to stay in the game on DWTS? Why, the Teabaggers! Of course.

Awwww, Gwyneth! Isn't it adorable when actresses try to do anything other than acting?

CoCo is back! CoCo is back! And in more than one way. Did you see his AmEx commercial before tuning in to the premier? He managed to beat Jay and David in the ratings, although the swan song might be over just as soon as it began. In Jay's defense, he DID land the anti-masturbation witch.

We're not sure what to think about this Oprah story from yesterday. When a homeless man approached her limo, she first told him she had no money; after he told her a joke, she tossed him $100. Generous or condescending?

Kanye West freaking out about something should never be news, but this awkward interview responding to the Bush press wave this week is worth watching. What we wanna know is who was doing the heavy "lifting."

Everyone's favorite former CNN birther pundit, Lou Dobbs, is heading to the Fox Business Network. Lou should feel right at home.

Interweb Tomfoolery

This expert-level recipe from Rachel Ray is getting passed around lately. Print it and save it for a late night after the pub. You never know when it'll come in handy.

Also being passed around: Canada's answer to the Jersey Shore. We thought the debauchery Snooki creates wherever she goes was bad enough, but Lake Shore takes it to a whole new, twisted level. Will you be watching?

This is Conan-related, but techy. What happens when you Google "watch conan?"

This week's contribution from the fabled Republican Informant: Alvin Greene. ULTIMATE WARRIOR.

Jimmy Kimmel is leading the charge in Facebook Friend de-spamification next Wednesday. Will you be cleaning out the old Friend list? Possibly deleting some co-workers? Don't forget to add Turner Central after you're done with all that!

The completely inappropriate, totally politically incorrect (we know you're laughing but we won't tell anyone, promise) Stereotype Map. At least everyone is targeted equally!

The dude that leaked the news about Google's employees receiving massive raises and bonuses has totally been fired. And did you catch the completely-nonsensical "scandal" over the Google logo yesterday? Somebody over there needs to donate a few million to charity right quick. Oh, wait! Google's paying for our wi-fi during our holiday trips?! Yay, we love Google again!

Any of you Apple fans have some spare change laying around? Buy a piece of Apple history--if you can afford it.

What will happen to your Facebook page when you die? If this idea ever becomes real, we'll expect the apocalypse pretty soon after.

Out on the Town

Ah, the D.C. Tweed Ride. We mock it every year, and yet a part of us still wants to get dolled up and putter around with monocles on. And who doesn't LOVE tiny hats? (NO ONE. EXACTLY.)

Sculpture Garden! Ice skating! Queenie can't skate to save her life, but she'll totally go sip hot cocoa and watch you fall down a bunch of times. And hey, this weekend is going to be gorgeous, so might as well go outside. RECESS! (Seriously. That looks so flippin' fun.)

Catch the end of FotoWeek DC 2010 and celebrate with a fun potluck. If you're not cultured out, you can hit up the Rosebud Film Fest, or possibly the Museum Shop Around. Speaking of shopping, Little Miss Whiskey's is hosting a garage sale for all you people who didn't make it to the one last week. Pick up Queenie some concert posters, please!

Foodies, you might as well ignore all the other stuff we just told you about, since you'll probably be geeking out at the Metropolitan Cooking and Entertaining Show this weekend. Can someone PLEASE go ask Rachel about that bacon recipe?!

Ugh, can't believe we're saying this, but it's almost very nearly holiday season. We'd like to party at the Newseum this year, and B.Y.T. has that one covered. Any other cool parties going on? Let us know and we'll totally plug you (since we're totally invited, right?).

Finally, carve out some time to hang out with Dana Milbank on Saturday... nerd. (Just kidding -- if Queenie wasn't headed to Boston this weekend, she might go with you!)

Scorecard

A belated Happy Veterans Day to Turner Central friends and family!

Go have some fun this weekend, folks. Wolf Blitzer can teach you how to Dougie, or you can learn how to get a turkey boozed before the slaughter from Martha Stewart. Either way, the weather will be awesome!

1 comment:

GloPan said...

I say we let Texas opt-out of all the federal entitlement programs. I'd LOVE to see that play out. Oh, and not to defend Gwnny or anything, cuz she likes herself a bit too much, but she really can sing, so you can't really lump her in the same category as the likes of Nicole Kidman (adequate in Moulin Rouge) or Pierce Brosnan (PAINFUL in Mama Mia).