Tuesday, November 23, 2010

11.23.10: Crisis in Korea, a Tea Party Thanksgiving, and Oprah's (Final) Favorite Things

Having a productive day, folks? If you're not out of town, you're in the office checking your Facebook and Gchatting your BFF, we'll bet, and that's okay. We understand!

We couldn't leave you starved for this extended weekend, so Queenie and the Executioner put their heads together for snark to help you through these final hours before the holiday. It'll sustain you until that 3,000-calorie meal on Thursday.

Forecast

Obama is back from his series of meetings in Europe and is looking forward (haha) to the last days of the lame-duck Congress. The START treaty is on the rocks, the Middle East peace process is stalled once again, and what's this just now coming from North Korea? Never mind the nuclear facility hoopla. Also, 61 Democratic and Republican representatives signed a letter to Obama in opposition to extending the mission in Afghanistan beyond July 2011. A very busy and likely brutal winter for the White House -- so why not kick that off with a turkey pardon featuring a swank V.I.P. party for the chosen turkeys at the P.O.V. lounge? (Yes, folks, that second link is real.)

Despite favorable poll numbers, Rahm just got a well-known challenger in his bid to be Chicago's next mayor.

Yes, people, ballots are still being counted in some races. Rep. Timothy Bishop FINALLY pulled ahead of his GOP challenger... by 15 votes; still thousands more are to be counted. A Texas Democrat concedes, and that leaves us with four more undecided races. Jim DeMint is obsessed with keeping fellow Republican Lisa Murkowski out of the Senate. Pelosi is getting back to work to rebuild the Democratic caucus, appointing a Long Islander to lead the DCCC, while taking a jab at Boehner's tears.

Ireland has "imploded" after finally asking for a $100 billion bailout, adding fuel to the European financial crisis fire. That and the crisis in Korea has set the stock markets on edge.

The Week That Was

Thanksgiving is just around the corner and that means thousands of air travelers are certain to face the much-talked about full-body scanners. TSA is facing significant backlash from travelers and Congress -- except Boehner, of course. It also received the SNL treatment. Hillary's not a fan of them either. Fortunately, you can still catch up on some important reading before boarding your plane. Finally, are the scanners more dangerous than we think? Or is this whole thing getting blown out of proportion?

Michele, the insane asylum is calling again!

Monday marked the 47th anniversary of JFK's assassination. Former Secret Secret agents on his detail opened up about the tragic day and the aftermath. For some reason, Sarah had something to say about the former president, and as always, got it wrong. Just another reason she should stick to reality television up in Alaska... but if that new book/tour tells us anything, it's that Palin won't listen to Barbara Bush.

At least 1,344 have died from cholera out of 57,000 infected in Haiti. To donate and help the people there, go to UNICEF.

Are You Not Entertained?

The Simpsons take another dig at Fox News, their "alleged" campaign to stop health reform, and their viewer make-up. Bill O wasn't happy and added the show his list of "pinheads."

We get the tween obsession with Bieber (or do we)? But really, Usher, do you need to shed tears for him? (PS: If you see someone sharing a story about Bieber's boner on Facebook, don't click it. Virus.)

We make fun of Bristol as much as anybody else, but the death threats are really taking this whole thing out of hand. Bristol, walk out! You'll be safer!

Beck told his followers to have a "conversation" at the dinner table, without mentioning his name. Don't let the Teabaggers ruin your turkey dinner!

Interweb Tomfoolery

OPRAH'S. FAVORITE. THINGS. We won't waste our time being bitter at not getting an iPad or a VW -- instead we've been watching these reaction videos on a continuous loop.

Landing on a desk near you: Steve Jobs. You may continue your scary cultist worshipping in private now.

Epic Meal Time! These dudes have made overeating into a hobby, and their take on Thanksgiving will both disgust you and intrigue you. Vegans, you'd probably (read: DEFINITELY) better avoid this one. In fact, here, go enter to win a Tofurky.

Meghan McCain, a Republican "strategist"?

Out on the Town

Need to get the kiddies outta the house for a while? Take them to watch live tarantula feedings (Ed. note- EWWW.) at the Natural History Museum Thursday morning. And, hey, maybe you don't want to cook on Thursday -- more power to you! Some fancy shmancy restaurants are available to do the cooking and the cleaning. If you need to entertain some relatives through Sunday, there's nothing better than a Caps game.

Speaking of that (we'll say it again) 3,000-calorie meal, work it off in advance at the Turkey Chase or the Turkey Trot. Or do what Queenie prefers and DANCE it off: at Fort Knox Five, at Cyndi Lauper's 930 Club show or at '80s alt-pop night.

Ok, peeps. Black Friday. Do you have a game plan? WaPo has a great breakdown so you can make sure to score all The Deals, including the online ones (did you miss Cyber Monday yesterday? Are you ready for Small Business Saturday?). If the shopping-gasm at the mall ain't your thing, you could always culture it up with an art sale and jazz concert instead. A slightly more intense and hipster-friendly version is happening at Art Carnage in Vienna.

Scorecard

Good luck this weekend, ladies and fellas -- here are a few recipe ideas if you'll need a little nip of something to get you through the family time, and here's a list of ideas to help you keep everyone happy through the post-turkey-coma. Everyone except the turkey, that is.

See you next week!

Friday, November 19, 2010

11.19.10: Trashing Steele, Protecting Your Junk and Killing E-mail Forever

We don't know about you, but the thought of all this upcoming holiday cheer is just exhausting. Hasn't there been enough going on already? But ohhh, no, we just gotta get in those lame duck votes and break our TVs when Bristol starts dancing and remember the war in Afghanistan... UGH. Can't a Queen get a break around here?

Luckily, next week is a short week. Expect a snarky hors d'ouerve before your Thanksgiving feast! But your regularly-scheduled Snark Hour is already here, so... onward!

Forecast

Axe is leaving us, and guess who's coming to the White House -- that's right, former Obama '08 campaign manager David Plouffe! Can this new face set the White House back on course in time for 2012? Also, another former Clinton official is in the running to replace Larry Summers. Amidst all this, Barry is taking a lot of friendly fire this week. Carville told him to grow a pair, Soros says it might be time for an alternative come 2012, and Senate Democrats aren't happy, to say the least. Chin up, bro! Your boy Biden is on the case in this candid interview with GQ, and this GM thing is pretty helpful.

Obama had hoped to seal the deal on a great foreign policy achievement with a nuclear arms treaty between the U.S. and Russia. Despite public support, it doesn't look like John Cornyn is going to permit a victory for the President, among other things. Hillary is on the offensive, urging senators to ratify the treaty. Obama is overseas again to attend the NATO summit. He'll also be meeting with leaders of the European Union before heading back home tomorrow.

DADT may finally be on its way out (yeah, whatever, we've been saying that for WEEKS). Joe Lieberman says he has enough votes and Reid would like to bring the defense authorization bill, which includes the repeal, to the floor after Thanksgiving. The DREAM Act may also see the light before the end of the year. House Democrats are seeking to hold votes to extend tax cuts to only the middle class. (By the way, guys, the public supports you.) Reid is "playing hardball" (most likely to garner headlines that say he's "playing hardball"), but the possibility that Dems would let tax cuts for the wealthy go through while letting unemployment benefits expire is... shocking.

Soon-to-be speaker John Boehner hosted a ritzy dinner for new GOPers and their spouses. Boehner urged incoming members to adhere to true conservative ideas, preferably not those espoused by the last GOP House majority, lest they tick off the Tea Party callers from the island of misfit toys. Peeps, we aren't making this shit up: Anti-"Obamacare" Rep.-elect Andy Harris demanded to know why his government-run health care wouldn't kick in immediately. Yet two Reps are taking the opposite stand and refusing their government plan. On that salary, we suppose we could afford to do that too, huh? Let's see how the Teabaggers run things for a few weeks in January. Of course, we Americans may never see the same entertaining politics as Argentinians do.

It's getting rougher these days for our favorite RNC comedian Michael Steele. The committee's political director resigned earlier this week and blasted out a scathing e-mail blaming money woes for not being able to take full advantage of an angry electorate. Several potential 2012 candidates are calling for new leadership, but Michael's peeps insist there's still a route to victory. Didn't we hear something similar from Joe Miller?

Has the bird flu returned?

The Week That Was

No surprising news out of Washington: Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell were re-elected to their respective leadership positions by their colleagues. Nancy Pelosi managed to avert a potentially damaging outcome between Steny Hoyer and Jim Clyburn. The latter will assume the newly-created "assistant leader" and will be the third-highest ranked Democrat in the House. Pelosi herself overcame a relatively easily challenge to lead the Democrats in the minority.

Charlie Rangel's ethics trial began with drama on Monday when the New York congressman walked out of his first hearing. His constituents gave him an enormous vote of confidence on Nov. 2, but it looks like his colleagues aren't about to let him off the hook. Rangel was convicted of 11 of 13 ethics violations by a House ethics subcommittee. The lead counsel of the ethics panel recommended censure for the veteran lawmaker.

Lisa Murkowski became only the second U.S. senator win a write-in campaign. Other write-in candidates such as Donald Duck didn't fare as well (a shame, really). Joe Miller is STILL busy filing lawsuit after lawsuit just to see if he could still lose this thing. Murkowski also gave a stinging critique of Sarah's ambitions and her alleged hate of governing. Presidential material, indeed! Trump is more than willing to take her on, if only for the PR exposure.

The White House unveiled its plans for Afghanistan -- we won't be leaving until at least 2014. Some military commanders are worried the date will be extended even further into the future.

Bad news for women and those looking for work this week. (Pelosi: told you so!). Senate Republicans voted unanimously against the Fair Paycheck Act while their House colleagues gave the middle finger to the struggling unemployed -- just in time for the holidays. Food safety legislation also failed to win passage before the Senate adjourned. Sen. Feinstein had to pull her amendment banning cancer-causing chemicals in baby bottles. Great priorities you have, Repubs.

Obama awarded the Medal of Honor to Army Staff Sgt. Salvatore Giunta, for his heroic actions in Afghanistan. He's the first living recipient of both the Afghanistan war and since 1976 to receive the honor.

Dubya was at SMU to break ground for his presidential library. Also at the event was his much leaner Veep, Dick Cheney. The infamous "Mission Accomplished" banner will surely draw crowds. The book tour is still chugging along...

Just about everyone is mad as hell at the TSA and full-body scanners. (New fake Twitter account alert! And don't touch Charlie's junk!) Shep's planning on suing if he gets into an awkward situation and bloggers are calling for kilts... It's already gotten physical at Indianapolis International. Penn (of Penn & Teller) wrote a great piece about his own ordeal. Janet's call for calm has gone unnoticed.

People are going loco for Four Loko in advance of a possible ban of the alcoholic energy drink. Kids, we know this is trendy and all, but it smells like fetid Skittles and tastes even worse. Is it really worth it?

Are You Not Entertained?

Maybe you watched the premier of a certain "reality series"/campaign launch? Sarah's "Sarah Palin's Alaska" garnered five million viewers, no doubt in the same voting bloc as those "voting" for Bristol. BTW, watch the worst (?) PSA in history here, brought to you by Bristol and The Situation. The show is so hilarious that Fox News pundits trashed Sarah's reality debut... but, uh, not on the air. Don't listen to that darn lamestream media, you guys! (PS: In case you've missed the Rove vs. Palin fight, it got even better this week.) And (no more Palin, we promise) don't miss Tina Fey's censored comments after accepting the Mark Twain Prize.

Justin Bieber! New movie! Bleh, whatever, we much prefer Kathy Griffin's version. Stores are stalking up like mad on Bieber merchandise in advance of the holiday season.

Michael Jackson has a new single! OR DOES HE.

And, hey, we were waiting for someone to play the Nazi card this week. Turns out Roger Ailes was happy to take on the challenge.

So, who's going to admit they went to the premiere of the latest Harry Potter? (Ed. Note- QUEENIE IS!) The series might be showing its age, and Daniel Radcliffe says 10 years is enough.

Interweb Tomfoolery

[Your name]@facebook.com is the latest venture borne from the social media giant. Will you trust them with your precious e-mails and IMs? Um, don't. And beware of potential scams. In similar news, our Supreme Court has yet to assimilate itself to the "Facebook world." The Social Network was just too much for Justice Breyer. Oops, and, here we go: as of yesterday, MySpace has officially given up. R.I.P., you guys. At least you tried to go out with dignity.

Hey, wanna see Zuckerberg's Friendster profile?

Soooo, Obama spent part of his time in Asia cuddling with robot seals. There's not much more we can add to that.

Keep it classy, Bristol and Willow.

Just a couple months from retirement and Sen. Dodd so wanted to go out in style, on Twitter.

Booze -- great now, as it was 11,500 years ago. Who would have thought that civilization depended on it!

Parents, please show these to your adolescent daughters: Advice from a Cartoon Princess, featuring Snow White, Ariel and Belle.

Out on the Town

Queenie has been eyeing this show for quite a while: The Frames are hitting 930 Club on Sunday. Also musically-exciting is the U Street Music Hall benefit for Girls Rock DC tonight. And you can go culture it up with flamenco music during the Sixth Annual Flamenco Fest at Tivoli Square.

Foodies! Crumbs -- the NYC-famous bakery -- is now open in DC. Yeah, yeah, the cupcake trend has gotten old, but we promise this one is worth it, and won't nearly be as overcrowded as Georgetown. Even more exciting is the Capital Bacon and Beer Bash at National Harbor on Saturday, which is exactly what it sounds like. Also on Saturday, you can take the kiddies to explore food in art at the American Art Museum. Festivals are back this weekend, it seems, since the kids can also see their own International Film Fest in Maryland on both Saturday and Sunday -- only $15 for a two-day pass. The Jewish Folk Arts festival is also in Maryland this weekend.

Miss the World Cup? We do, too; that's why we'll be hitting up South Africa Kicks at GW, beginning this weekend. And we'd never tell you not to go to a Caps game -- catch them (hopefully) schooling the Flyers on Friday.

Finally, who wants to dress up as Edgar Allen Poe? That's right, EVERYONE.

Scorecard

The tax cut thing ain't going away, and Joe Miller sure is desperate. But who could have predicted the death of MySpace AND Four Loko in the same week? Rough times, people, rough times.

At least we still have Bristol.

See you next, kiddos! And Happy Turkey Day -- if you have awesome recipes, you KNOW Queenie would love to see them.

Friday, November 12, 2010

11.12.10: Democratic Brokering, What's Wrong with Texas, and Canada is Dreaming of Jersey

Are we feeling optimistic yet? Oops... no. There's a bitter taste in the progressive air, and in light of this whole "we're going to compromise with Republicans" talk, people are starting to get angry. (Well, angrier.) Can Pelosi lead the charge? Will Dems stay on message? Can we remain focu- THERE'S GONNA BE FACEBOOK EMAIL?!

Sorry, sorry. We're totally focused. We swear.

Forecast

The newly-minted GOP majority is looking forward to spending your tax dollars to "investigate" health care reform, the Stimulus, anything Obama and whatever the hell else they can think up. This means the creation of numerous subcommittees. Conservatism and small government, right, you guys? Also, candidate Rand Paul backed a ban on earmarks, but now it looks like he's going to be disappointing his Tea Party followers. But don't worry! Jim DeMint will gladly take that banner from Rand for use on his presidential campaign! Also, Nancy Reagan has already announced plans for a debate between a few unknown GOP candidates next spring.

Nancy Pelosi is spending her final weeks as Speaker of the House ginning up support from colleagues to back her return as minority leader. However, more and more conservative Democrats are asking that she step aside. Meanwhile, she's trying to broker a deal between Steny Hoyer and Jim Clyburn, who are battling over the No. 2 spot. On the other side of the aisle, Michele Bachmann ended her short campaign to be chair of the House Republican Conference. But hey, she'll still be a great source of mockery in any position she holds. On the Senate side, Reid has reportedly asked a fellow westerner to head the DSCC.

While Barry is overseas, Gibbsy is in charge (no!!!). So Gibbsy, is the White House caving to Repubs over extending tax cuts for the rich? Er, maybe not? Democrats are furious. What.is.compromise? Stay tuned -- this tax cat-fight (rowr!) during the lame-duck session (uh... quack?) is going to get real nasty. Come home, Barry!

Desperation is setting in for Alaska Tea Partier Joe Miller. Come on now, whose name is this? That's right -- his attorneys challenged that ballot for some reason. For future reference, peeps, please don't write any letter in cursive or in "bubble form" on your ballot.

These days it seems Texas wants to take the "Craziest State in the Union" mantle from Arizona. First, we have State Rep. Debbie Riddle (HAH), who made a name for herself claiming to have secret info. about little terrorist anchor babies. Now she fears them so much that she camped out in in front of the clerk's office to file her own Arizona-like immigration bill. Not to be outdone, recently re-elected Gov. Rick Perry says states should be able opt out of Social Security, while GOP lawmakers are looking at dropping Medicaid. Wow, we feel sorry for sooo many Texans right now...

Reports indicate that Burma is on the verge of releasing pro-democracy activist Aung San Suu Kyi, who has been under house arrest for more than two decades.

The Week That Was

So... apparently Sarah is an economics expert. How has she been able to hide this fact from us for two years? We know she hates the Wall Street Journal, but can ya get those pesky facts straight, Sarah? She was also in Pennsylvania for some reason or another and decided that buying cookies would be a great way to protest a mythical "nanny state."

Obama has been a busybee overseas. He endorsed India to become a permanent member of the U.N. Security Council. Thanks to a smoldering volcano, his journey to his boyhood home of Indonesia was cut to under a day. The media turned its attention to food and, uh, a gay nanny. And then he was off to Seoul to say thanks to the troops on Veterans Day and to participate in a two-day G-20 summit. Michelle Obama headed home early and surprised a couple hundred troops and their family members on Veterans Day. Plus, was this handshake with Michelle really a diplomatic faux pas or just another case of fame-seeking? That sure doesn't look like avoidance to us.

Eight months after their election, Iraqis have tentatively agreed to a plan for a unity government. Iraq's current Prime Minister will return for a second term. There's still much more too be done, obviously. Also, its looking like the Obama administration is moving away from it's 2011 deadlines for an Afghanistan withdrawal.

Keith Olbermann returned to his show Tuesday after a very short suspension and apology from network execs. Did MSNBC retreat after pulling a Juan Williams? In any case, his "premiere" received strong ratings.

Cindy McCain joined the NOH8 campaign in the fight to repeal DADT. Boy, we'd love to have been around their dinner table after that one.

The U.S. Postal Service announced that it would go broke by the end of the 2011 fiscal year without congressional action.

More than 4k travelers are receiving a full refund and vouchers for a future trip from Carnival Cruise Lines after their ship became stranded in the waters off of Mexico earlier this week. It took nearly three days for two itty-bitty tugboats to tow the massive cruise ship back to San Diego. Spam to the rescue! Literally.

Are You Not Entertained?

Harry Potter premiered!!! Emma Watson looked absolutely gorgeous, in Queenie's opinion. Queenie's got her tickets for next weekend -- do you? In other new movie news, there is going to be a new Muppet movie possibly featuring Lady Gaga. Run, Kermit! RUN!

Sorry, Kim, but Hillary isn't much of a fan of you and your sisters' "work;" however, she did have some tips on the finer points of take-out dinners.

How has Bristol managed to stay in the game on DWTS? Why, the Teabaggers! Of course.

Awwww, Gwyneth! Isn't it adorable when actresses try to do anything other than acting?

CoCo is back! CoCo is back! And in more than one way. Did you see his AmEx commercial before tuning in to the premier? He managed to beat Jay and David in the ratings, although the swan song might be over just as soon as it began. In Jay's defense, he DID land the anti-masturbation witch.

We're not sure what to think about this Oprah story from yesterday. When a homeless man approached her limo, she first told him she had no money; after he told her a joke, she tossed him $100. Generous or condescending?

Kanye West freaking out about something should never be news, but this awkward interview responding to the Bush press wave this week is worth watching. What we wanna know is who was doing the heavy "lifting."

Everyone's favorite former CNN birther pundit, Lou Dobbs, is heading to the Fox Business Network. Lou should feel right at home.

Interweb Tomfoolery

This expert-level recipe from Rachel Ray is getting passed around lately. Print it and save it for a late night after the pub. You never know when it'll come in handy.

Also being passed around: Canada's answer to the Jersey Shore. We thought the debauchery Snooki creates wherever she goes was bad enough, but Lake Shore takes it to a whole new, twisted level. Will you be watching?

This is Conan-related, but techy. What happens when you Google "watch conan?"

This week's contribution from the fabled Republican Informant: Alvin Greene. ULTIMATE WARRIOR.

Jimmy Kimmel is leading the charge in Facebook Friend de-spamification next Wednesday. Will you be cleaning out the old Friend list? Possibly deleting some co-workers? Don't forget to add Turner Central after you're done with all that!

The completely inappropriate, totally politically incorrect (we know you're laughing but we won't tell anyone, promise) Stereotype Map. At least everyone is targeted equally!

The dude that leaked the news about Google's employees receiving massive raises and bonuses has totally been fired. And did you catch the completely-nonsensical "scandal" over the Google logo yesterday? Somebody over there needs to donate a few million to charity right quick. Oh, wait! Google's paying for our wi-fi during our holiday trips?! Yay, we love Google again!

Any of you Apple fans have some spare change laying around? Buy a piece of Apple history--if you can afford it.

What will happen to your Facebook page when you die? If this idea ever becomes real, we'll expect the apocalypse pretty soon after.

Out on the Town

Ah, the D.C. Tweed Ride. We mock it every year, and yet a part of us still wants to get dolled up and putter around with monocles on. And who doesn't LOVE tiny hats? (NO ONE. EXACTLY.)

Sculpture Garden! Ice skating! Queenie can't skate to save her life, but she'll totally go sip hot cocoa and watch you fall down a bunch of times. And hey, this weekend is going to be gorgeous, so might as well go outside. RECESS! (Seriously. That looks so flippin' fun.)

Catch the end of FotoWeek DC 2010 and celebrate with a fun potluck. If you're not cultured out, you can hit up the Rosebud Film Fest, or possibly the Museum Shop Around. Speaking of shopping, Little Miss Whiskey's is hosting a garage sale for all you people who didn't make it to the one last week. Pick up Queenie some concert posters, please!

Foodies, you might as well ignore all the other stuff we just told you about, since you'll probably be geeking out at the Metropolitan Cooking and Entertaining Show this weekend. Can someone PLEASE go ask Rachel about that bacon recipe?!

Ugh, can't believe we're saying this, but it's almost very nearly holiday season. We'd like to party at the Newseum this year, and B.Y.T. has that one covered. Any other cool parties going on? Let us know and we'll totally plug you (since we're totally invited, right?).

Finally, carve out some time to hang out with Dana Milbank on Saturday... nerd. (Just kidding -- if Queenie wasn't headed to Boston this weekend, she might go with you!)

Scorecard

A belated Happy Veterans Day to Turner Central friends and family!

Go have some fun this weekend, folks. Wolf Blitzer can teach you how to Dougie, or you can learn how to get a turkey boozed before the slaughter from Martha Stewart. Either way, the weather will be awesome!

Friday, November 5, 2010

11.5.10: A Teapocalyptic Thumpin,' Still Waiting on Alaska, and the Return of CoCo

We lost, we lost, we lost. We know. But it's been DAYS now -- stop crying, Dems! At least only SOME of the crazies got in, and the rest will hopefully be relegated to finding real jobs... or becoming FOX commentators. Which could lead to possible bids for the Presidency. Wait! Ack! Noooo!

Okay, okay, breathe. Inhale. Exhaaale. Good. Barry is still in charge here, people, and Repubs are already admitting that a healthcare repeal probably won't happen. Grab a hot drink or, better yet, a glass of merlot and let us help you relax.

Forecast

Congress will be returning for its lame-duck session Nov. 15. We can look for attention on economic issues, such as the Bush tax cuts and unemployment benefits. Reid promised to tackle the DREAM Act, and the education spending bill has yet to be completed. Democrats are still looking shaky on Don't Ask, Don't Tell, though. Also, White House aides say Obama is ready to go with his veto pen and attempted sad face. And what are the GOP's top "legislative" priorities of our new and diverse leadership? Hold big, high-profile hearings on that scientific fraud, global warming; TRY to repeal health care reform; and endless "inquiries." Oh, and so much for net neutrality (sigh). Is the White House in need of a serious course change? (By the way, we loved CapHillStyle's poignant post on the day after Election Day and what it's really like for staffers.)

The Obama bump strikes again!

Barry is headed overseas for a series of conferences, meetings, and press events with his foreign counterparts. He'll be making stops in India, Indonesia, South Korea, and Japan. On his return, he plans on meeting with congressional leaders of both parties. Busy, busy! Don't miss him on 60 Minutes this Sunday.

Way out in Alaska, the "Write-In" candidate leads Tea Party-favorite Joe Miller. Supporters of Lisa Murkowski are praying Alaskans had their spelling caps on. The wristbands apparently played a big role. It might not be until Thanksgiving that we have a winner. On other shocking news, Sarah declared victory and launched her 2012 bid and Pelosi is running for minority leader. (PS: Our Repub Informant wants everyone to remember Alvin Greene, and Queenie humbly asks that we don't forgot Jimmy McMillan's epic mustache.)

Our bad! We didn't foresee the trans-Atlantic bomb plot as part of a larger story, but, of course, events are always unfolding! We learned that our government had intercepted previous packages of a possible dry run conducted by an Al-Qaeda cell out of Yemen. Security officials are taking a look at measures to screen cargo. What's in store for us travelers?

THIS. THIS WILL SAVE JOURNALISM.

Ruh roh, Raggy -- could Bushie be looking at some human rights violations some time soon? Dubya also tells us he was thinking of replacing Dick with the doc' from Tennessee, that he was the lone dissenter AGAINST the Iraq war, and that his drinking days are long over. Revisionism much?

The Week That Was

Oh, no! Keith!

Democratic candidates across the country got bodyslammed at the polls on Tuesday, as expected. Blanche Lincoln became the first Democratic senator of the night to lose a seat. Then progressives lost their hero, Russ Feingold, and several other Democrats came close-but-no-cigar to winning open seats. Meanwhile, the GOP picked up a net-60 seats in the House -- a larger gain than the 1994 election.

However! Dems did NOT lose the Senate, and we thank Sarah and the Tea Partiers for that! Harry Reid was being written off in the weeks prior to the election, but he managed to hold off Sharron's decoys. And Delaware confirmed to us that there are still sane folks left by rejecting Christine. Alvin Greene could have won the race against Sharron, if he ran in Nevada. Also, Patty Murray survived a close challenge from Dino Rossi. Will he now adhere to "three strikes and you're out"?

A majority of California voters said no to recreational marijuana use. (That Real Time stunt didn't help, Zach). Meg Whitman insists it was worth the money to lose. Haha, sure, we believe you, Meg. Other wealthy self-funders that lost include Carly Fiorina and Linda McMahon. Money can't buy you everything...

There are plenty of lessons we took from this election. We hope you pay attention, Dems! Running from your party's agenda didn't turn out that well for many endangered Democrats. Also, is there any possibility of overcoming the voters' carnal thoughts?

The Rally for Sanity and/or Fear drew more than 200,000, according to CBS -- or, um, 6 billion, according to Colbert, who himself was challenged to a drinking contest by D.C.'s own delegate, Eleanor Holmes Norton. Folks arrived with lots of creative signs, and there were few, if any, Teabaggers in sight. Libs aren't immune from mockery, though! Despite the good vibes, the Internet isn't happy that Jon ignored all their support -- because, let's face it, it may not have happened without Reddit! Metro should have been happy for the record ridership, if not for the terrifying escalator malfunctions and injuries.

Stanley McChrystal's writing a book. Sources say he isn't out with an axe to grind, but would like to correct some "misperceptions."

Any West Coast Giants fans here? The San Francisco Giants won their first World Series since 1954 (and back then they were in New York). Congratulations, but, damn, did you have to go after the Golden Arches by banning the Happy Meal???

Airbus, Rolls-Royce and Quantas are investigating what caused serious damage to one of the latter's airliner's engines.

BP is raking in the big bucks despite the oil spill saga. Profits over responsibility, right?

Are You Not Entertained?

Bristol disappointed all of us this week. She was soooo busy "Dancing" that she didn't take the time to vote. Honey, we thought you were trying to be a role model!

Surprise! Charlie Sheen filed for a post-naked, drunken rampage divorce Monday.

Are you one of those people with a stomach of steel? Then maybe 127 Hours is right for you. Bring a barf bag, just in case.

CNN outdid itself in inanity, yet again. When can we expect some substance? Do we really need a dozen "political analysts" to explain the words of Wolf? No.

Are you ready for the return of Conan?! We sure are, 'cause we mean, geez, it's been, like, forever. Just play the show already! (PS: Team Conan 4 lyfe!)

Lil' Wayne (with Bubba's support, natch) is BACK.

Interweb Tomfoolery

Rosanne Cash told John Boehner to STFU via Twitter, and Dubya is still bitter about Kanye. But Kanye's more bitter about Taylor Swift.

Sesame Street has got some GREAT PR going lately. Three clips made the Interweb rounds this week: first, their take on "The A-Team," featuring Ryan Reynolds (Ed. note: HOT!); second, potential copyright infringement, featuring an Apple lawsuit; and finally (and our favorite) Ricky Gervais sings Elmo a lullaby.

Remember those Tea Party coloring books we posted not too long ago? Just in time for the holiday Christmas season, we present: The Liberal Clause.

We love it when celebs and politicians post their own status updates, but we love it more when it gets them in serious (read: mockable) trouble. Palin had a moment this morning after "accidentally" favorite-ing a photo from Ann Coulter that said Obama was an illegally-elected Taliban Muslim. Sure, there are other things journos can write about, but it only takes 10 seconds to point this out to a country that might consider electing her. Now THAT'S a big mistake.

Queenie is a proud Android owner, but others in Turner Central are devout BB lovers or iPhone cultists. What does this mean? We all secretly hate each other. (Ed. note: Just kidding! Looove you!)

Out on the Town

What could we POSSIBLY have to do now that Halloween is over? Well, the theatrical and artistic among you have got an answer. For starters, FotoWeek DC begins this Saturday -- there are events and peekshures by the gazillion, so take yer pick. Ah, but then things take a turn for the weird, as Fall Fringe enters the scene. Cap off the unusual with a masquerade ball at the Museum of Unnatural History (if you need an extra mask, Queenie's got a few hundred left over from that wedding she can't seem to stop talking about).

If you're looking for funnies, we cannot more highly recommend Mr. Daniel Tosh at the Warner Theater.

New food truck alerts! Fojol Bros. debuts tasty Ethiopian food (Queenie herself sampled it not two hours ago, and pronounced it "yummers!"), and there's a mac & cheese truck that will be hanging out around town soon. Y'know, sometimes we really miss sitting in restaurants. The whole balancing-plates-on-our-laps-while-the-wind-blows-away-our-napkins-and-demon-squirrels-stalk-us-for-crumbs thing is beginning to lose its appeal...

Maybe (if you're extra super lucky) you'll run into the mythical Republican Informant at the Punk Rock Flea Market. But don't blow his cover! That's going to be a slightly bitter post-Election Day crowd. All it'll take is one "where is the birth certificate?!" to cause a riot.

Shameless Promotion of Others

Our dear Duchess Theresa sent us her friends powerful video about the Virginia Tech shootings of 2007. Please watch and share.

Scorecard

Remember those SunChips bags that lazy, wasteful America banned for being too noisy? Canada agreed with Queenie's take on things and said, "suck it up."

Although we're sad to see all the crazy campaign videos go, we're looking forward to some lame duck snarkery to get us through to the new year. And there's always Boehner.

Oh, and don't forget to set your clock back an hour!

Until next Friday!