Friday, May 21, 2010

The TR: Rand Paul Brings the Crazy, Scott Brown Saves FinReg and Justin Bieber Runs Into a Door

That nasty, humid, sticky DC weather is officially here. Granted, Queenie just spent several days in Florida, which was pretty much the same deal, but at least there was a beach! Anyway, she's back and ready to snark it up. Are you?

Forecast

The finance reform bill has passed the Senate (thanks, Scott Brown)! ...And now it's time to sell it to the people, AND to smooth out the differences between Senate and House bills so Barry can sign this by July 4. If you haven't been following this legislation closely (we can't imagine why not!), WaPo has the helpful graphic that should help sort it out.

The oil spill is worse than we suspected, kiddos. BP is still struggling under the weight of massive fail as oil reaches the Louisiana shore. And, of course, Rand Paul is comfortable asserting himself as "snark fodder for the next foreseeable few weeks" by declaring that it is unpatriotic to criticize BP. Thank you, Rand -- we're happy you're here too.

Elena Kagan has been under increasing scrutiny and will continue to be leading up to her June 23 Senate confirmation hearing. Queenie, personally, is highly annoyed at all the speculation into Kagan's sex life -- there are plenty of other things to worry about! In other SC news, looks like none of the SC Justices will be Twitting anytime soon.

International news update: Thailand has reached a shaky peace after clashes between Red Shirt protesters and police neared anarchy; Pakistan has started blocking social networking sites after the creation of a Facebook page calling for drawings of the Prophet Muhammad; and Mexican president Felipe Calderón asked for help stopping drug violence in Mexico and condemning the Arizona illegal immigration law. It doesn't do any of these stories justice to squeeze this all into one paragraph, but 1. this is a short newsletter (usually) and 2. you'll hear plenty more about them, we're sure!

Lou Dobbs is going to be speaking at a summer Tea Party convention in Sin City. Pop quiz! Which part of this story is ironic?

The Week That Was

Did you watch the returns for Tuesday's primaries? Tea Partiers made their mark (haha) in Kentucky by sending Rand Paul to victory. Here comes the fallout: he's got a teensy problem explaining his position on civil rights. In Arkansas, Blanche Lincoln was forced into a run-off by Lt. Governor Bill Halter. But, by far, the biggest news was Arlen Specter's defeat at the hands of Congressman Joe Sestak.

Rep. Mark Souder of Indiana resigned his seat after admitting that he had an affair with one of his staffers (which is apparently, uh, not against the House rules). Watch the former congressman and that same staffer talk about abstinence. These stories write themselves nowadays, don't they?

In other Congressional mistress news, former New York congressman Vito Fossella was nominated by the Staten Island GOP establishment to run for his former seat. Remind us what family values are, again?

Another disappointment from the Lone Star state: turns out Texas Governor Rick "Secessionist" Perry can't keep his hands out of the cookie jar. That's quite a rental home. What say you, teabaggers?

This week we mark a somber milestone -- the death of the 1000th American in Afghanistan. Our hearts go out to the families of those who gave the ultimate sacrifice.

Are You Not Entertained?

Conservatives and whackjobs started a firestorm over the new Miss U.S.A. winner Rima Fakih. We don't even want to acknowledge the controversy over her clothes or the stripper pole thing; we're more concerned with CNN asking if she's a spy and others asking if she's part of an Islamist conspiracy.

John Edwards is desperate to stay out of jail and apparently is working for a plea deal. Worried about that hair, Johnny?

Bristol, honey, just because your mother can rake in the dough doesn't mean you're going to be a hit (although props for trying, we guess?). All that money must mean she's hired a few good nannies, though, right? So that child will be raised right? By... someone?

Tween news alert! Justin Bieber ran into a door and the Jonas Brothers were trapped in an elevator. Clearly, this is a conspiracy.

The LOST finale is happening on Sunday (here's your requisite drinking game), and countries are simulcasting it worldwide to block the Interweb Pirates from posting spoilers. Now, if only we could get this kind of global unity around things that matter, amirite?

Interweb Tomfoolery

Have you seen the Google logo today? Pro Tip: You can actually play the game, folks! Speaking of the big G, Google TV is coming -- check out this handy explanatory video to figure out what the hell it is and read this to find out why you'll actually like it. And they need the good press -- looks like they've been swept up in the privacy narrative that already has a death grip on Facebook.

Apple update: take a look at a testy e-mail exchange between the Apple king and a blogger; Bill Maher thinks Steve can run the country better than our president; Sex and the City has succumbed to product placement and gone PC; and apparently this Android business is a "slap in Apple's face." It's hard not to be the underdog, huh? Oh, and this video of Bill Gates and Steve Jobs together and saying backwards things is a must-see!

Queenie always knew she wanted a non-traditional wedding.

London's unveiling of the new Olympic mascots has resulted in the most awesome Photoshop contest ever.

We haven't been loving Nike lately (check out our friend Anne Mai Bertelsen's piece on Roethlisberger) but we do love this epic Nike ad about the World Cup.

We actually thought this was a Photoshop prank or something, but apparently Huggies Jeans -- yes, diapers that look like jeans -- are f'real.

Out on the Town

DC Yoga Week is almost over! Did you get your sun salutations in? In other fitness news, you can tour the city and pretend like you don't sit for 40+ hours a week with WalkingTownDC.

If you're a Top Chef freak and foodie like Queenie is, you might want to go see Anthony Bourdain and Eric Ripert at the Warner Theater tonight. $10 says Tony talks about nothing but sausage, booze, drugs and more sausage.

Queenie will be checking out the Asia Heritage Foundation's street fair on Saturday, where she'll be supporting her friends in the Bollywood Flash Mob (you didn't hear it from us!). If you're less than coordinated (and hungry!) hit up the DC 101 Chili Cook-Off. And the word is that a member of the Turner Central Royal Family will be dancing to some '80s jams that night.

Finally, Sunday will be a blast: get your record collection bulked up at the Black Cat, dance and eat and dance some more at 930 Club, and (for all you fangirls and boys out there) WATCH LOST.

Scorecard

Didja miss Queenie, or did our Executioner do such a fine job that you forgot she existed? It's okay. The TR is a team effort, y'all -- Queenie likes to share credit!

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