Friday, February 26, 2010

The TR: The Prickly Professor and the Curious Case of Vice-President Grandpa

DC dodged a snow-bullet this week, no? Thank goodness or Queenie would still be trapped in her Virginia apartment suffering from cabin fever. It feels good to be back out in the wide world, even if we are trudging through slush and mud. Wear those Uggs with pride, girls!

On we go, kids -- to snark!

Forecast

Bravo to a handful of Senate Republicans for voting to move forward on jobs legislation (we're looking at you, Scott Brown -- giving a whole new meaning to centerfold!). Then again, they were against it before they were for it. Boo to party-crasher Ben Nelson, but double-boo to the blockage occurring in both the House and Senate. Can't we pass anything anymore?!

Next Tuesday, Texas is holding its gubernatorial primary -- it's not looking good for Kay, who's already predicting doom.

First we had the Tea Party; now, we have the Coffee Party. What's next? Red Bull Party? (Give America WINGS!)

We always said Michael Steele was a party, but we had no idea just how right we were! And he's not the only one using party money freely. Lavish meals, chores around the house... Must be nice, no?

Expect the case studies to be rollin' out for the next few months as Toyota continues to take the heat on the Hill after numerous recalls. Now it's likely that closed cases could be reopened for leaving such a defective legacy. AND expect more about the tragedy at Seaworld when a trainer was fatally attacked by a killer whale. The two events overlap in terms of time tables, but we honestly don't think either company has the advantage here in terms of "here's hoping people aren't paying attention to us!" Talk about a crisis PR lesson... although good idea suspending the Shamu Twitter account, y'all.

Check it: expect those Metro fare increases to start this Sunday, folks. This is how they expect to fix the DC budget shortfall? Less trains and higher fares? And get used to it, because it ain't over yet.

Finally, all the best to Keith Olbermann this week.

The Week That Was

Obama released his outline of health care reform Monday, and, low and behold, it doesn't include a public option. Is it a little too little, too late? Maybe he shoulda listened to Rahm many months ago. Obama's health care rollout didn't meet Republican leadership's criteria for length -- a little too brief for you, Mr. Boehner?

What wasn't brief was the seven hour healthcare spectacle yesterday that basically left us all feeling a little hung out to dry. Did anything change? It was the same old talking points. Did anyone win? Everyone says they did. At least the Tweets were entertaining, and it's always fun to watch the Prickly Professor in action. It sounded to us like a total clusterf@#$, what with Democrats now up against the clock to finish anything but doubting that they can, and Republicans staying true to their word: "NO." If you missed anything, the Post helpfully has transcripts of every sentence, and you can watch CSPAN for the full shebang.

Oh, and what the hell, Jimmy Kimmel?! You stole all our summit jokes!

Bill O told Sarah to go back to college, and Jeb says she could make a formidable candidate -- if only she had the depth. Oh, zing! We couldn't agree more with the both of you, and can't believe we just said that.

...And so it ends just as quickly as it began. Will New York ever catch a break and find a governor that is NOT engulfed by scandal? Not at this rate.

Ohh, Grandpa...

Aww, a brief mention from George! That takes us back a few years. This, too, but after Cheney's fifth heart attack (we SWEAR he hadn't had one yet as of last week's TR!) it's nice that the ex-Prez stopped by. Another flashback? The Patriot Act was renewed. Gosh, guess we're all feeling a little nostalgic.

This got to Queenie's raging liberal side pretty quickly: a student in Maryland was escorted out of the classroom by school police when she sat quietly instead of standing and reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. There really isn't any snark needed, but thank goodness the ACLU jumped on that right quick.

Nope, still haven't been watching the Olympics, but we DO think this is pretty awesome.

Interweb Tomfoolery

This could be the greatest news EVER! SNL has been struggling to come up with fresh, exciting material this season, and thanks to a grassroots (er, Facebook) movement and news of Tina Fey potentially bringing Alaskan Barbie back for an encore, NBC is definitely pulling out all the stops for a Ladies Night Extravaganza!

If you're easily freaked out, don't click here.

Want to connect with Millennials? Find out how much you have in common with them with this handy quiz -- Queenie scored an 83, which makes sense as she was born in (full disclosure alert!) '86, but the Turner Report staff were all across the board (we're leaving unnamed one actual Millennial who scored a 40 -- for shame!). Let us know what you got!

Queenie pretty shamelessly loves herself some Food Network -- so this mission to create the largest FN Drinking Game on the Internet is right up her alley.

Admiral Ackbar for Ole Miss Mascot?! Done. Sold. So say we all.

We're not sure why this is news, but then again, we're always curious about the future of Twitter. Is it really the must-do move for companies to appear on the ball on social media? Or are the recent conversations on social media and privacy (and recent phishing scams happening to pretty much everyone) going to change up the game? Next, a report on what a Google-less China could look like (hint: not good). And, to finish your social media update for the week, scope out Slate's series on how social networking helped find Saddam.

Our Twitter rec of the day: the Dalai Lama. Because you can.

Because we love you, and because we know you'll need your TR fix for the future and beyond, here's how to live to 100. You're welcome.

Shameless Self-Promotion

Going to WeMedia? Check us out! Gloria Pan and Suzanne Turner will be presenting at the March conference on "Game-Changing Journalism: Non-Profits Fill the Gap," along with Ellen Miller of the Sunlight Foundation, Andrew Sherry of the Center for American Progress, Jonathan Aiken of the Red Cross and Jim Barnett of AARP.

Scorecard

Do you miss Restaurant Week already? We do too, which is why we were so glad to be tipped off about Restaurants UNLEASHED. It just sounds so much cooler than the other one, doesn't it?

If you're already missing the beach, consider crossing the bridge for the 100 Days to Dewey party in Ballston tonight. Also, if you're into the local band scene and want to see your favorites go to SXSW this year, Austin Grill in Old Town is having a party to sponsor their trip with a recession-friendly $5 cover. Easy to get to from DC -- take the free trolley from King St. metro on the blue or yellow line. Finally, catch Queenie gettin' her vintage shoppin' on this weekend over at Proper Topper -- you know, 'cause she's hip like that.

Have a fantastic week!

Friday, February 19, 2010

The TR: Curling is Awesome, Tiger is Attacking the News Cycle and CPAC Makes Us Giggle

We apologize for doing a disappearing act last week. Queenie and her team were completely and utterly SWAMPED with client work while all of you were playing in the snow. And, anyway, we're not so much fans of winter around here -- we prefer hanging out indoors and watching globally acclaimed athletes kick some ass instead. (Who knew curling could be SO entertaining?)

So what else is finally emerging from obscurity? Read on, kids -- the snark awaits!

Forecast

Is the public option rising from the dead in the Senate? About time! Here’s hoping they can work their necromancy and actually accomplish something with this bill, since we’re pretty sure Obama’s ready to sign just about anything that has some words on it. Maybe even just pictures. A healthcare bill in comic book form would sum the process up pretty nicely, don't you think?

Buh-bye, Bayh! Yes, Indiana’s junior senator is calling it quits after two terms in the Senate. He didn’t give any hint about his plans, but apparently had been “thinking it over” for the better part of ’09. Both Indiana and national Democrats are feeling the burn, and despite chats with Obama and Rahm, Bayh said he’d had enough of Washington partisanship. ...Really? Sure, we believe you, Evan. Don’t worry -- the GOP isn’t too happy either with his sudden announcement. And poor Harry Reid can’t stop to catch a breath! (Speaking of, catch some sound bytes this weekend.)

We here at TR Central sat around watching Tiger apologizing today, like the rest of you. We yelled things, we rolled our eyes, we cracked jokes about his publicists -- but let’s face it, he’ll probably roll out of this one just fine.

The lovely First Lady is going to make the media rounds on her chosen issue, childhood obesity. It's certainly taken long enough -- yeah, we remember the garden too, but she has so much potential to use her voice and that title for so many good things! Where has she been? Oh.

We’re looking forward to seeing Sarah return to SNL in April. Although speaking of Palin, she’s gotten some recent media attention for the latest Family Guy episode that may have mentioned her in an indirect, completely politically incorrect way. And everyone keeps mentioning this candidacy thing. Our answer? Pfft. Still don't think she has a chance. But hey, let's keep bringing it up, why not...

The Week That Was

CPAC is in town this week, and a wonderful heap of comedy gold was lined up. To start, Tiger jokes have been the rage all day! Dick didn't have a heart attack. Maddow showed up. Marc Rubio, who’s running for the Senate in Florida, mocked the President for using the teleprompter (silly Queenie thought we couldn't make that joke anymore!). But, oh, guess it’s a-okay to commit the same crime. We forgive you -- you and your brethren bring GREAT ideas to the debate. Check out a new manifesto and marvel at the incredible diversity of the signers! The Tea Partiers aren’t all enchanted with the establishment, and everyone seems pretty antsy about a third party movement, so maybe November won’t be as bad as it's looking now. Chins up!

Obama met with the Dalai Lama at the White House Thursday. He canceled on him last year, and China is already having a hissy fit over this year’s gathering, so they understandably kept this one under wraps.

Mitt joked about a close encounter on a recent flight with a terrible rapper. Does anyone know if that was a stunt? We mean, dude is now in a rap beef. Does he even know what that means? Is it all to "beef" up his potential future run?

Speaking of flights, this Austin thing totally freaked us out. Every so often something tragic and sort of disturbing happens, and all you can do is hope it’s not a trend. Although, is it true we could call this “teabagger terrorism” or is that a bit much?

After a falling out with President Hamid Karzai, it appears that Ambassador Holbrooke is back on the mend and on the ground in the Middle East. He’s out of the icebox to make sure that Obama gets the representation he needs in Kabul.

What is UP with South Carolina? A state representative has the genius idea of banning federal currency in his state. Seriously. Well, since everyone hates the new penny, we guess that's the natural conclusion...

Michele Bachmann called what a fraud? Also, Franni Franken takes aim at her nonsense. Catfight!

There’s a gold rush in Vancouver! Get it? 'Cause it's the Olympics? ...Get it? *sigh* Ok, we haven't been watching THAT much, but at least Stephen Colbert is there doing the reporting for us. You know it's quality!

Interweb Tomfoolery

OMG, we found it! It’s the Map of the Future!.

Holy Glenn Beck. Our Royal Executioner found this gem for us just this morning, so it's still fresh!

This is making the rounds today: a retrospective of our President struggling to understand his American people. With goggles.

We know you know how to shorten URLs so that they fit better in your ever-engaging Twitter posts, but we’re bored with making things short. How about making them frightening?

What would the Pope listen to if he were stranded on a desert island? Well, obviously, the Beatles. See if your top rock albums match up.

We know there are Apple fans in the audience (no, please don’t raise your hands, no one cares about your AirMacBook or iPadTabletPhone whatever) but we’re hoping that you won’t consider doing this for your wedding. Although, points for the Steve Jobs impersonator.

Looking for a roommate, dude?! Take a lesson from this Craigslist ad and find the most AWESOME ROOMMATE EVER, YO.

Scorecard

Queenie is determined to check out Shutter Island this weekend. Not only did Scorsese direct, but holy flashback -- we love us some Leo!

What else is in the haps around the District? Queenie got tipped off about the Chinatown New Year's Parade this weekend, so she highly recommends! Oh, and if you're still curious about this curling thing, try your hand in person at a real live expo.

See? We just want you to up the cultural ante a little bit. Go to, fine friends! Have a wonderful weekend!

Friday, February 5, 2010

The TR: If We Listened to Twitter, We'd All Be Buried Under a Million Inches of Snow Right Now

OMG, SNOPOCALYPSE! Um, or Snomaggedon. Or Snomfg. Or whatever you prefer, really. If you've been listening to Twitter for your weather forecast, the DC area is projected to get about 1,000,000 inches, give or take a few. You already stocked up, right? Took a leisurely trip to Whole Foods and- OMG, noooooo!

Stay warm and safe, kiddos, since a lot of you decided to stay home today. (Queenie too, so don't feel bad -- she knows better than battling other suburban yuppies for that last bottle of Pinot!) Cuddle up for some snarktastic good times!

Forecast

Well, we guess we already got into a little bit of forecasting (hah! Weather pun!) but what's in store for the news this week? We mean, besides trying to keep this Demon Sheep thing going? Ohhh, yes, the journalist-y crowd has had a party with Demon Sheep this week, Carly Fiorina's gift to the media world. She may be trailing in the polls, but she's got a feisty new ad out, featuring one of her poor staffers dressed up as sheep with glowing red eyes and pretending to munch on grass. Yes, seriously. And yes, Queenie is already contemplating filming a response video -- you listening, office interns? And, of course, now Demon Sheep is on Twitter.

What else is in the haps? The Tea Party convention has already kicked off and we are so amped! Queenie has recently been warned to avoid using the phrase "teabagger," and she would, but there's so much comedy gold in there that she just can't help it. Anyway, Sarah's going to be the Teabagger keynote (ack, sorry!) and we're looking forward to the subsequent drinking games. Let us know if you have any ideas!

By the way, this news ain't gonna hurt the Teabag Party's rhetoric, y'all. (Oops, sorry again!)

CBS has its way and it's a no go for one ad, but Tim Tebow's anti-choice ad is going to be run during the Super Bowl this year. This has riled up women's groups everywhere. Is Tim just trying out for a new career in politics? Before he takes the jump, he might want to improve his on-camera performance and listen to the grannies. And CBS might want to stop airing humorous anti-choice ads -- MORE is not better, guys. By the way, our country is partisan even when it comes to football -- check it.

The 2010 Oscar nominees were announced earlier this week, and Avatar and Hurt Locker lead with nine nominations each, with Inglorious Bastards close behind with eight. We saw Hurt Locker and, while we don't have a habit of actually WATCHING these awards, here's hopin'! Although, one exception, because what better way is there to ride out the wintry weather than by watching Beyonce and Taylor Swift sweep the Grammys on Sunday? That's right, nothing. Watch party at Queenie's!

The Week That Was

$3.83 trillion. No, that's not our salary, but we all have dreams. Welcome to the future, America: President Obama released the nitty-gritty details of his proposed budget for 2011 and it's full of stuff... er, uh, cuts, for just about everybody. We had hoped to be leaving Afghanistan and Iraq soon, but it looks like the additional 30,000 troops to the former will cost a total of $160 billion each for '10 and '11. Education, energy, and jobs get the prize money.

However, the United States won't be heading back to the moon anytime soon -- at least not on the tax payer dime. NASA's getting its "Constellation" budget axed, and private industry will have to step in if there's any chance of getting beyond low Earth orbit. And, in Queenie's opinion, that's the future anyway. Sorry, Avatar fans -- you'll have to wait even longer to live out James Cameron's dreams.

Remember Bart Stupak? He's the Michigan Democrat who stuck a wrench into the House healthcare negotiations at the last moment over abortion language (and REALLY pissed off some of his colleagues). Some think that he got the other end of the paddle in the President's proposed budget.

The Massachusetts Massacre is over, and Scott Brown has been seated early, so we'll see how this healthcare stuff goes. As long as the Dems can hold it together (sigh), we should be ok.

O'Reilly versus Stewart = always a fave.

Did you see LOST?! Oooof course you did. Queenie's not a fan but the world stopped Wednesday night so everyone could get their fix, and we hope that means you'll stop talking about it now. If that wasn't enough for you, Hulu's got all five seasons up right now. Carry on.

Interweb Tomfoolery


TR celebrates the sixth anniversary of Facebook! Queenie got her Facebook start back in ’04 or ’05, but when did you jump on the bandwagon? And when do you think this wild ride will be over?

Speaking of social media fun, Tweeting your resignation is the newest way to go out with a bang -- er, with a RT.

Speaking of the Internet, how's it going?

We are guilty of more than a few "that's what she said" jokes around Turner Central, but, if you've ever wondered where the phenom started, here's your answer.

It's Black History Month, as you know, and NBC... there are no words.

Shameless Self-Promotion

Fem2.0 has been offering two weeks of online radio shows about families and work/life, and it's culminating in a massive blog carnival taking place next week. Gloria Pan and Queenie/Katie Stanton have been working hard to bring these shows to you and the rest of the world, so take a listen and participate in the carnival!

Also next week, Turner Strategies produces an internationally telecast event moderated by Frank Sesno, Emmy-award winning journalist and current director of the GWU School of Media and Public Affairs, for a live audience of nearly 200 and broadcast online to over 70 sites globally. Sign up to participate now!

Scorecard

Our plan for the weekend? Stay in, maybe hike to the nearest grocery store, get in a snowball fight or two and build a fort. If you're trying to go out, a few places are being stubborn: H Street will reward you for your bravery with fantastic deals, and so will ZBurger in Tenleytown ($1 for a burger? See you there!). But if you stay in your house and watch the Jersey Shore marathon (you heard it here first!) and the Superbowl all day, we won't blame you. Queenie's not so much a sports fan, so you can guess which one she'll pick!

Short and sweet this time. Queenie is totally overloaded with work, so apologies for the late arrival of this week's Report. But, if you're just hanging out at home, you didn't need the distraction from toil, no?

See you next week!