Friday, November 20, 2009

The TR: Wingnut Revolt, Congressional Attacks and a Royal Promotion

Are you in the holiday spirit yet? We are already sick of all the Christmas episodes, red Starbucks cups and SHOPPING PRESSURE happening right now. Not that there isn't enough going on in the world to take our minds off things. Read on for the full scoop, and a very special surprise announcement from the original Queen of Snark.

Forecast

Saturday, y'all. That's when the first vote on the Senate health care bill will take place, and no one's really sure if Reid has his 60 votes to pass it. Somehow we doubt that you'll be watching what happens on the old C-SPAN, but expect to hear all about it on the Sunday morning shows. Admittedly, less attention has been paid lately to the passing of the bill as people focus on the content (well, sort of, anyway). Did you know it might include a 5% tax on plastic surgery?

Still no Turkey Day decision on Afghanistan, sez Stephanopoulos/the Internet. Troops are poised just in case Obama comes through on the decision, but that won't leave many to guard the homeland. In the meantime, Dems have proposed a surtax to cover the cost of the two wars in Iraq and Afghanistan -- it's just a show, so don't get all up in arms about taxation, but remember that wars cost money. Lots and lots of money.

Speaking of money: did you know 14% of American households are having trouble buying food? And 25 million people are un- or under-employed? And 10 states are on the verge of bankruptcy? Read this -- and, while we normally like giving you something to smile at on Fridays, this time we're keeping it real.

Oprah. Is. OUTTA HEEEEERE! In another couple of years, anyway. But don't worry -- Oprah is a force that will not quit, and we'll still be seeing her face in checkout lines, on TV, in presidential campaigns and who knows what else.

Here's hoping that we won't see anymore of this in the fine dining world. Blech.

The Week That Was

Obama's Asia Tour 2009 is just about wrapped up, and he made great strides in... foundation building. All right, fine. China owns us, so it makes sense to go be all smiley. But coming home to a week like this one can't lift the mood anyway: revolts against Geithner; protesting economical woes; nationwide airline glitches... it's enough to turn a President into a monster.

Hillary had a lovely piece in Vogue that centered on some of the more important things about her current position: she applies her own make-up; she (as opposed to certain female politicians) impresses Katie Couric with her smarts; and, oh, yeah, that she's a wee bit stressed. She's been in Afghanistan recently to mark the inauguration of President Karzai. (PS: Speaking of Vogue...)

...Ugh. She's still here. Our friends were threatening to boycott us if we spoke her name, so instead we'll just take a cue from Harry and call her She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Or possibly Lord Jogging-Shorts. And, anyway, if it's true that avoiding her name takes away her power, maybe it's already working: there was a minor Tea Party revolt at one of her book signings thanks to her diva behavior. But what do you think, all you smarty-pants: is she the future of the party, and is said party on the verge of a comeback? Or will this be over when the media tour is?

Happy birthday, Joe! Geez, our VP is almost 70. Who knew.

John Kerry's daughter got a DUI in Hollywood, and, yes, we laughed. But then Dick Lugar's wife (you know, the Senator's ball and chain) crashed into a parked car in Northern Virginia, and now we're just scared for our safety. Drink responsibly, kiddos!

Could YOU work at Google? (The answer is: probably not, if this is for real. Don't worry, though -- neither could we.)

Super Special Royal Decree

Well, there is an end to all good things... and a beginning to even better ones. Today the TR marks the FORMAL PASSING OF QUEENIE'S SCEPTER to Culture Minister Katie Stanton. She's been writing the whole damned thing for quite a while, and Queenie (oops, er, Czarina?) begins to be embarrassed to take credit for Katie's smarts and humor.

So, everyone, hats off, bow low, scrape and grovel to the NEW QUEEN OF SNARK -- Katie Stanton. (Let me retire to that warm and lovely power-behind-the-throne space to think up a good new name for myself... Czarina? Goddess Divine? Suggestions in the Comments, people.)

Scorecard

Stupak is still upsetting us, but the new guidelines on mammograms and other procedures aren't making us quite so angry. Here's why.

Find our newly-crowned Queen at the National Geographic Warehouse Sale this weekend, desperately trying to spruce up her new apartment. And we probably shouldn't be telling you about this at ALL, but do you follow the Cupcake Truck? Don't say we didn't warn you.

And what shall the new Queen's first Royal Command be? Duh -- a week off! Enjoy your holidays and we'll see you in (eep) December!

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