Friday, November 20, 2009

The TR: Wingnut Revolt, Congressional Attacks and a Royal Promotion

Are you in the holiday spirit yet? We are already sick of all the Christmas episodes, red Starbucks cups and SHOPPING PRESSURE happening right now. Not that there isn't enough going on in the world to take our minds off things. Read on for the full scoop, and a very special surprise announcement from the original Queen of Snark.

Forecast

Saturday, y'all. That's when the first vote on the Senate health care bill will take place, and no one's really sure if Reid has his 60 votes to pass it. Somehow we doubt that you'll be watching what happens on the old C-SPAN, but expect to hear all about it on the Sunday morning shows. Admittedly, less attention has been paid lately to the passing of the bill as people focus on the content (well, sort of, anyway). Did you know it might include a 5% tax on plastic surgery?

Still no Turkey Day decision on Afghanistan, sez Stephanopoulos/the Internet. Troops are poised just in case Obama comes through on the decision, but that won't leave many to guard the homeland. In the meantime, Dems have proposed a surtax to cover the cost of the two wars in Iraq and Afghanistan -- it's just a show, so don't get all up in arms about taxation, but remember that wars cost money. Lots and lots of money.

Speaking of money: did you know 14% of American households are having trouble buying food? And 25 million people are un- or under-employed? And 10 states are on the verge of bankruptcy? Read this -- and, while we normally like giving you something to smile at on Fridays, this time we're keeping it real.

Oprah. Is. OUTTA HEEEEERE! In another couple of years, anyway. But don't worry -- Oprah is a force that will not quit, and we'll still be seeing her face in checkout lines, on TV, in presidential campaigns and who knows what else.

Here's hoping that we won't see anymore of this in the fine dining world. Blech.

The Week That Was

Obama's Asia Tour 2009 is just about wrapped up, and he made great strides in... foundation building. All right, fine. China owns us, so it makes sense to go be all smiley. But coming home to a week like this one can't lift the mood anyway: revolts against Geithner; protesting economical woes; nationwide airline glitches... it's enough to turn a President into a monster.

Hillary had a lovely piece in Vogue that centered on some of the more important things about her current position: she applies her own make-up; she (as opposed to certain female politicians) impresses Katie Couric with her smarts; and, oh, yeah, that she's a wee bit stressed. She's been in Afghanistan recently to mark the inauguration of President Karzai. (PS: Speaking of Vogue...)

...Ugh. She's still here. Our friends were threatening to boycott us if we spoke her name, so instead we'll just take a cue from Harry and call her She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Or possibly Lord Jogging-Shorts. And, anyway, if it's true that avoiding her name takes away her power, maybe it's already working: there was a minor Tea Party revolt at one of her book signings thanks to her diva behavior. But what do you think, all you smarty-pants: is she the future of the party, and is said party on the verge of a comeback? Or will this be over when the media tour is?

Happy birthday, Joe! Geez, our VP is almost 70. Who knew.

John Kerry's daughter got a DUI in Hollywood, and, yes, we laughed. But then Dick Lugar's wife (you know, the Senator's ball and chain) crashed into a parked car in Northern Virginia, and now we're just scared for our safety. Drink responsibly, kiddos!

Could YOU work at Google? (The answer is: probably not, if this is for real. Don't worry, though -- neither could we.)

Super Special Royal Decree

Well, there is an end to all good things... and a beginning to even better ones. Today the TR marks the FORMAL PASSING OF QUEENIE'S SCEPTER to Culture Minister Katie Stanton. She's been writing the whole damned thing for quite a while, and Queenie (oops, er, Czarina?) begins to be embarrassed to take credit for Katie's smarts and humor.

So, everyone, hats off, bow low, scrape and grovel to the NEW QUEEN OF SNARK -- Katie Stanton. (Let me retire to that warm and lovely power-behind-the-throne space to think up a good new name for myself... Czarina? Goddess Divine? Suggestions in the Comments, people.)

Scorecard

Stupak is still upsetting us, but the new guidelines on mammograms and other procedures aren't making us quite so angry. Here's why.

Find our newly-crowned Queen at the National Geographic Warehouse Sale this weekend, desperately trying to spruce up her new apartment. And we probably shouldn't be telling you about this at ALL, but do you follow the Cupcake Truck? Don't say we didn't warn you.

And what shall the new Queen's first Royal Command be? Duh -- a week off! Enjoy your holidays and we'll see you in (eep) December!

Friday, November 13, 2009

The TR: Remembering Ft. Hood, Flipping Off Lou Dobbs and Hey... Where'd My Right to Choose Go?

Hoo, boy. It's been an emotional week, as we've been honoring the fallen at Ft. Hood and honoring our soldiers for Veteran's Day. And, over in Virginia, the sniping scare of '02 was finally brought to some kind of close when John Allen Muhammad was executed. (Our Culture Minister was in high school and just learning to drive when he was rampaging around the suburbs.)

Of course, Sesame Street has been cheering up everyone -- well, except Stephan Colbert. Read on for the scoop, straight from the mouths of Queens.

Forecast

Congress is in pre-Thanksgiving overdrive next week to get the Senate on top of the healthcare bill -- which lately has been under fire from women (and smart, tolerant, sexy men) re: the Stupak Amendment. We can't imagine why! In fact, the entire Democratic party has been up in arms about it... well, except for these 21 Dem senators who voted for it. And after this monolithic (how many times have we used that word in healthcare stories now?) bill is passed, Congress must confront climate change and jobs -- easy peasy, right?

Speaking of jobs, apparently O plans to focus all the monies on job programs in 2010 and proposed a jobs summit, aiming to eventually cut the federal deficit. That's all fine and dandy, but unless he plans on getting just a smidge more aggressive with his plans and programs (or get the people running this PR machine back on their game), we the people are going to be increasingly disillusioned -- dangerously so.

Defense Secretary Robert Gates is piiiiissed at the information leaks that have been going on about Afghanistan and plans for military strategy. But isn't that just how this stuff works? Well, anyway, if he catches you he's going to pull a Donald Trump. What do we know in spite of him? Obama has still not made any decisions and is looking for changes in the plans before he signs anything (the UK sounds a little more ready, though, and NATO is pledging more help); Afghanistan and Pakistan are on watch as allies for our efforts, and it's not looking great thanks to the Taliban.

The Feds have moved to seize four mosques and an NYC skyscraper owned by a Muslim organization that is allegedly controlled by the Iranian government. This includes land in Maryland and Virginia, by the way. We're just waiting for this to keep rippling through the news cycle, so await Iranian response and right-wing hate-mongering galore.

Obama is in Japan for the start of his week-long tour of Asia, seeking better relations with the country and exploring the possibility of relocating a military base in Okinawa. Will we see any North Korean response to O in the East?

The Week That Was

There have been two very different spins on shootings at Ft. Hood, depending on what kind of media you're watching and what kind of audience they're speaking to. On the one hand, this could be a surefire sign that Muslim extremism is alive and well as a result of attempts to be overly politically correct. Have we ignored all the warning signs for sake of tolerance? On the other hand, this was a soldier about to be deployed back overseas -- maybe he just straight up lost it. We don't know and we're not about to guess, but every other pundit in America is. (PS: Way to be bipartisan, guys.)

Ugh, Sarah Palin is like a stray cat that keeps yowling at your door all night long. Why won't she go away?! Oh, yeah... Oprah. The AP has read The Book, and has spilled the details before any of us have really cared enough to open it (McCain's camp is all over it, though). We're not gonna lie -- we probably won't read it. But let us know if it's worth the couple of hours of brain-cell-popping it'll take. (PS: Why is Levi Johnston at a porn awards show?)

Is Lou Dobbs headed for FOX? (If so, don't plan on making the same mistakes Hannity did -- Jon Stewart is watching!) Or perhaps for public office? We have no idea but this story is a left-wing pundit's dream come true. Check him out in an interview with Bill O'Reillly on Monday (and don't let Queenie anywhere near those two men together, or her head might explode).

This is the greatest copy editing "f*#k you" we've ever seen: a disgruntled Toronto Star copy editor took the red pen to his boss's memo about cutting costs by hiring freelance copy editors, and the results have been making their rounds all over the Intarwebz. Be careful who you threaten, editors! Speaking of newspaper news, the Washington Times is slowly losing it.

OMGZ! MSNBCHeadlines and Britney Spears both got hacked on Twitter! We can't decide which one we enjoyed more: Britney as a Devil-worshipper or MSNBC telling Chris Matthews to suck it? Or does this South Park spoof of Glenn Beck win 'em all?

Our Wise Latina is a covergirl. Check out that manicure!

Scorecard

Ready for Turkey Day? Our Culture Minister has been readying her Martha Stewart cookbooks and cleaning out her kitchen in anticipation of her favorite holiday. If you're too lazy to make dessert, Co Co Sala has you covered -- OR do some good and eat some pie for Food & Friends. Here are some fun ideas for this weekend, and, in honor of Black Friday, you can buy Christmas presents for DC foster kids and deliver them Dec. 7 and 8.

We and Fem2.0 will be hanging out with the ladies of She's Geeky today -- won't you come and join us?

Have a great week!

Friday, November 6, 2009

The TR: We Blame Miss Piggy

We have terrible, horrible, no good, very bad news today.


Our poor Culture Minister has been hit by the wave of sickness that's been going around WDC for the past month or two.


Could it be... a swine flu disaster?


A SWINESASTER?!



Or maybe she got sick from the wave of low voter turnout and Republican victory dances that hit her home sweet Virginia this week?


Who knows. So please wish her well and enjoy what few amusing tidbits she's managed to throw your way before putting on cheesy early '90s chick flicks and taking the longest nap ever.

What Little She Could Manage

  • Remember, remember, that time Maine pissed off pretty much all our friends. Best line from this post? The title: "In the future, people who voted against marriage equality will lie to their grandchildren about how they voted." Word.
  • Ft. Hood. :( We send our deepest condolences to the families and victims.
  • The "Superbowl of Freedom?" "Obamunism?" "Weasel Queen?" Who the hell is coming up with this stuff?
Scorecard

Well, we know we didn't offer you much to go on this week, but we're hoping that weeks and months of keeping up with us have taught you to hold your own in the snark-o-sphere. If you still feel faint, leave us a comment or Tweet the Queen herself and she'll do her best to get you through.


In the meantime, the Culture Minister will be taking two aspirin and calling you in the morning.

Cheers!