Friday, September 18, 2009

The TR: Kanye is a Jackass, DC is Getting Really Real and That's It -- We're Banning Snuggies

This week’s been so bad it’s been bringing us to tears. Us, and Nancy, that is. Oh, and Kanye. And Jessica. And Republicans. And this guy. Look, chickens, it’s fall -- shouldn’t this mean pumpkin ale, candy, cute new boots and coats and trips to Shenandoah? And, if we’re lucky, maybe even healthcare reform! Oh, who are we kidding... here, this adorable White House picture is sure to heal your heavy heart.

Forecast

Healthcare. Healthcare. HEALTHCARE. With the debate focused so heavily on insurance reform, few other bills or issues are seeing much traction on The Hill™. We've said a lot about it already, and we're sure you're on top of this, but here's a thought: are Dems dancing into a trap?

Speaking of issues, food safety reform has been slowed despite an overwhelming majority of Americans supporting overhaul of our food safety system (you’d think epic cases of disease/recalls would push things along, right?). Despite ailing bridges, cramped roadways, and much needed mass-transit development, some are pushing for a hefty delay in House transportation committee chairman Jim Oberstar’s (D-MN) transportation bill. Next week he will call for a 3-month delay while others want (sigh) another year at minimum. And the climate bill (remember that little guy?) is slowly stalling and will probably cause some problems in Copenhagen.

With many of you packing your bags for the G20 summit in Pittsburgh next week, be sure to leave the rotten eggs at home. Police (at least, the ones that are actually showing up) are banning commonly-used resistance items, like gasoline, padlocks and eggs, from protestors at the summit. Assuming you believe in global warming and all that malarkey, maybe this is a good excuse to bring some eco-friendly riot accoutrements. Reclaimed wood night sticks? Egg-white substitute? Some goodies from your backyard compost heap? Get creative!

Also on the agenda this weekend: the Value Voter Summit! Another opportunity to mock conservatives, or Serious Business Time? You decide!

Our resident Fortuneteller sees parties in the future! At least, lots of Grand Opening Hooplah with a new “office” in DC for the government of Bermuda. No, they aren’t calling it an “embassy,” but they’ll surely want to show off the swanky new Capitol Hill digs.

As if there isn’t enough drama in DC already, Real Housewives of DC begins filming next week. We’re not sure who the lucky (well, maybe just “special”) ladies will be, but we’re sure that any reality show about DC will involve 1. sarcastic jokes about our collective fashion sense, 2. total ignorance of “real” issues in DC, like homelessness, HIV and Teabaggers, and 3. Obama, Obama, Obama! Politico has their own picks on who we might see on screen sometime soon, and the Huffington Post, not one to ride someone else’s wave of glory but create their own, has decided to produce their OWN sitcom about our fair city. Whatevs. If it’s not a version of Law and Order and it’s not about the President, we don’t think it’ll last.

The Week That Was

At least last week was a party! Am I right, Glenn Beck? Some of the best party coverage was from bloggers here at home, who ventured out into the unknown to see who thinks Obama is, like, stupid. Another favorite came from Billionaires for Wealthcare, and, OMG, watch their movie, please! You know, Dooce started a new site called "Monetizing the Hate," an idea we admire for its ingenuity, irony and moneymaking ability. Maybe THIS is how we could pay for healthcare! Take the millions of teabagger’s angry letters, emails and signs, slap it on a website, call it “transparent government,” and plaster the whole thing with Google Ads. (BarackObama.com, are you listening? You know that Turner does online work, right?)

As if we haven’t had enough of our dear President, he’ll be crawling all over the Sunday talk shows AND Letterman this weekend. But we love our Prez for more than just his good looks and overexposure. He totes called Kanye a jackass (off the record!) over the Taylor Swift incident (if you don't know what happened, Stephan Colbert will help you), and nobody was embarrassed by it (although Mr. Bush apparently has quite a history of talking trash, too). Thanks, Kanye -- the Internet loves you!

In yet another “oh, f&*k” moment this week, ACORN employees were caught giving illegal tax advice to a pimp and prostitute. As many people on Twitter said, we would LOVE to hear what kind of advice has been given to bank CEO’s and other executives. You know, because they ALWAYS follow the law.

Chris Brown began his community service in Virginia this week, and pictures have hit the web of him picking up trash by the side of the road. Apparently he's been Tweeting about it, too. We're glad he's serving his time, but stop doing him (or his publicist) the favor of giving him even MORE exposure, would ya? Let him be a criminal in peace.

Your friendly and ever-so-culturally-relevant Cultural Minister needs to make a special request of her public this week. Please, please, PLEASE stop forwarding her stories about the Snuggie fashion show at NY Fashion Week! Nobody attended, no one thinks it’s funny, and no one is racing out to the door to buy one of these things. So this is the last time we’re mentioning Snuggies here, okay? Put on a bathrobe! It's the same thing!

Shameless Plug

Speaking of being culturally relevant, Interfaith Voices is having a benefit concert on Saturday, October 3rd at 7:30 p.m. with Mosaic Harmony, a fabulous interfaith choir that has performed at the White House, the Kennedy Center and in Europe. Check out the performance at River Road Unitarian Church and buy your tickets in advance at InterfaithRadio.org.

Scorecard

Even more celebrity deaths this week, as we said goodbye to Patrick Swayze. What is UP with this summer? Here's hoping that fall will curb this morbid trend a little bit.

Did you catch the Queen's screed last week? A little extra tidbit for you. Thanks for staying with us, faithful readers -- you make it all worthwhile. See you next Friday!

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