Friday, September 4, 2009

The TR: Gay Ice Cream, Kindergarten Socialism and, Nope, You Still Can't Pay Your Rent

There is too much to write about this week! Presidential attempts to indoctrinate the children, more on killing your grandparents and gay-friendly ice cream -- and that’s just the start of it. We’re sorry you’re back in the work trenches (happy September!); maybe our weekly snark-a-thon will cheer you up a little? That or the new Autotune the News, featuring T-Pain. Yep. Really.

Forecast

So the kiddos are back in school already, and Barack Obama wants to pep them up for learnin’! Clearly this is a liberal-driven Marxist conspiracy. And those little speeches Dubya did back in ’01 or his daddy did in ’91 were TOTALLY COOL, OKAY. Watch for the socialist propaganda to be released on Monday -- plenty of time for you to Xerox copies and light them on fire while you keep the kids at home on Tuesday. Bring the neighbors, too. No child left behind, people.

In related propaganda news, make sure you DVR Obama’s healthcare speech on Wednesday (and don’t forget Robin Roberts’ interview on ABC, too!) Like many of his speeches, it’s either going to be a bipartisan sell-out or an inspiring moment -- we’re taking bets now! Although Pelosi sez there’s no way we’ll move forward without a public option, O might find a work-around to “trigger” it. After a month of highly-publicized town hall meetings (fun anecdote: anti-reform dude gets finger bit off at healthcare rally, uses Medicare to reattach it), will this speech finally smooth the way for success? And what will the Repubs answer back with?

Sunday shows: we’ll see Education Secretary Arne Duncan’s first Sunday appearance on Face the Nation to discuss the President’s speech (strike) propaganda and David Axelrod, Tom Friedman and Tom Brokaw hittin’ up Meet the Press. Meh. Another one for the DVR. Doesn’t SNL start again soon? (PS: Shameless plug from our Culture Minister -- check out her friend Eli Kirshtein on the latest season of Top Chef: Las Vegas. GO ATLANTA!)

Diane Sawyer pulled a Katie and will be taking over for Charlie Gibson in the anchor chair, and people made a stink about it because 1) no one cares about evening news anymore, 2) they want to see if people don’t want to watch women on the news or it's just Katie Couric, and 3) did we mention she’s a woman? Insert catfight jokes here.

Ben and Jerry’s, we’re sure you’ve heard, is renaming Chubby Hubby to Hubby Hubby in celebration of gay marriage in Vermont. But you’ll have to make a road trip before October and show your support. Why only in Vermont, guys? That’s state-ism! DC is on the way -- will we get to see some tasty, thematic celebrations too? Sweetgreen, we’re looking at you.

The Week That Was

A few stories have hit about economic projections for 2010 -- basically, more of the same. Jobless recovery, slow rises projected for the next few years, you still can’t pay your f&%king mortgage, etc... i.e., this is still a leaky boat. But she’s floatin’! And jobs DO exist, we swear, especially in DC. To keep this message going, someone let Biden out to speech to the people, and, hey, not so bad, buddy. You stick to those talking points!

Obama’s green jobs guy has been called out for being a “truther” and for calling Republicans assholes (eh, we're guilty of that second one, too), and the White House has no comment. (Well, duh.) We don’t think this is going to stick around for another news cycle, but FOX News and Michelle Malkin are on it. Dear Obama administration: GOOGLE. But seriously, folks, take some time to read this piece by Rudy Ruiz from RedBrownandBlue.com and think before you Tweet about birthers, truthers, death panels, all of it. Just sayin’.

News about Afghanistan has been popping up everywhere this week. Security guards in Afghanistan have been fired for “lewd behavior” and drunkenness. The Associated Press published a picture of a dying soldier over his family and the Pentagon’s objections. Government stability is not looking great after potentially fraudulent elections. And we’ve been debating expanding our presence there. There’s not much snarky we can say about this, peeps -- just don’t forget that we’re still in Iraq, even though we’re not seeing it as much above the fold.

The King of Pop was FINALLY buried in Glendale, CA, on Thursday, but the investigation is ongoing. Anyone else find it creepy that it took that long?

Note to state legislators playing solitaire while they’re supposed to be legislating: this is much more entertaining, FYI. (Note from Culture Minister to Queenie: “I totally have never played this. I swear.”)

Scorecard

Happy Labor Day Weekend, y'all -- one last hurrah! There is LOTS to do in DC at this time of year, so if you're stuck at home this weekend, be grateful you're avoiding the traffic and hit up a festival or two. Why not? Find our Culture Minister out at the 80's film festival in Rosslyn tonight, if you're free. It's Ferris Beuller's Day Off night!

Have a great weekend, and see you on Tuesday!

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