Friday, September 12, 2008

The TR: Viral Vegetables, Prettified Porcines and Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em Robots

Tired of Sarah Palin yet? Or are you abjectly binging like we are? All this gossip is positively addictive, and we're going to have to consider some serious rehab after this election thingy gets decided. Maybe when Lindsay Lohan gets back from her honeymoon she can make some recommendations. Anyway, it's Friday... TGFS! (Thank God for Snark!)

Forecast

Charlie Gibson landed the first serious interviews with Sarah (does she need a last name anymore?), two of which have already hit the air, and even though she had the home-court advantage reviews of her performance are not good. The last installment will form the special prime-time edition of 20/20, tonight at 10pm. Cynical bloggers (are there any other kind?) are wondering what the deferential Mr. Gibson really thought of her. What we want to know is, does Sarah speak in tongues? If you're tuned in tonight, log on to the TR Blog afterward and give us the scoop!

The Obama campaign is finally engaging the 527s, after resisting their help for months, and hinting they should go after McCain -- and none too soon. With the fall TV season in full swing, people should be getting their first look at the no-holds-barred phase of the campaign. We predict a new media strategy on Obama's side to counter some of the recent ugliness.

So it turns out we've been conducting military operations on the borders of our beloved ally Pakistan. Huh. While we scour the International Intrigue section of the TR Law Library, we expect to hear much more about the Bush administration's dirty laundry as his presidency reaches history's trash compactor. What's next -- did W have brother Jeb planning a coup against Castro?

One dark horse news story that may yet make waves is China's high-level trade talks with the U.S. next week out on the West Coast. While the press has been good enough to completely ignore this, FYI our trade deficit exploded over the summer. Look for a small blurb in a back page somewhere about a new agreement between the superpowers.

Since food makers are contending with rising market costs and Mom and Dad's tightening budgets, industries are realigning their advertising to appeal to middle class families. What's the easy road to revenue? Stick ads right in the kids' mouths. And nobody does it like Sara Lee, with her ingenious licensing tie-in to High School Musical 3. More sugar to go with DVDs that feature frequent musical numbers on constant repeat? Sounds like a slumber party!

If on Saturday night you're trying to drown out the musical talents of Zac Efron and co., tune in to SNL and catch Michael Phelps (Culture Minister: "WOOOO!"), Lil Wayne and... Obama! The Big O's a Lil Wayne fan himself, or at least knows who he is, because he name-dropped the famous rapper when he told high school students in July:

"You are probably not that good a rapper. Maybe you are the next Lil Wayne, but probably not, in which case you need to stay in school."

If you missed Obama's last SNL appearance, check it out here. (We're still waiting to see if Tina Fey will do what everyone thinks she will.) Set your TiVo!

The Week That Was

We've hit that stage in the presidential elections where the goal is two-fold: First, flood the media with scary, hyperbolic imagery, no matter how nonsensical. Then make sure people are so frightened and disoriented that they gravitate to the first familiar face on the horizon. McCain's twisted sex-education attack ad and his allegations of sexism were a sharp one-two jab. As bad as it's gotten so far, we expect this Rock 'Em Sock 'Em cage match to get worse.

When the government tries to offer you health care, it's godless communism. But when it takes over all the houses in your neighborhood, it's prudent economics. The long-fabled Fannie-Freddie government bailout means that now we're all subsidizing the housing bust. Never fear, though; the McCain-Palin ticket has the solution: write an op-ed saying you'll never do what the government has already done. Oops.

Has anyone noticed that the economy has being going to hell every single day since the McCain-Palin ticket was, ahem, divinely inspired? And, if you have, would you please notify the candidates? So far, the stock market has been consistently falling and the unemployment rate has skyrocketed to over 6 percent. Wait, those don't have anything to do with pigs OR lipstick. Never mind.

Also this week, Bush declared that there will be no further troop reductions in Iraq for the remainder of his presidency, more or less ceding any foreign policy plans to whatever promises the GOP thinks we'll swallow. Judging by Bob Woodward's latest book, "The War Within," maybe that's what he was doing in the first place. Woodward's portrayal of the White House ignoring all military advice on the surge has proved what we've suspected all along: that the war's been run by RNC talking points.

The words "fast food" and "viral" probably shouldn't appear in the same sentence -- they just don't go together. Wendy's put 'em together anyway with its new viral video (a head of lettuce devouring one of their bacon whatchamacallits). The video's getting thumbs-up on MySpace and thumbs-down on YouTube... you decide.




Scorecard

So much for gentle John. Airing ads that paint your opponent as a child-stalker blows gentle out of the water. But with Sarah invading our Culture Minister's Virginia backyard and talking small town values, we feel like we might have a bead on the VP hopeful's "aw-shucks" narrative. Dems had better get wise to her but quick, and keep her out of TR Central's backyard.

As you know, the 7th anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks was yesterday, commemorated by the official opening of the Pentagon Memorial dedicated to the people who died there. We'll take a snark-free moment to honor their memory, and encourage everyone to visit the Memorial. We send our best wishes to the families of the victims. You all are in our hearts.

2 comments:

SnarkQueen said...

Just for the record, I have actually talked in tongues. But that's only because I was at a great big super church evangelical shindig and everyone else was doing it. I was just being polite. It's kind of soothing, anyway.

Katie said...

Is THAT what that noise is I hear coming from your office every once in a while? Whooping and hollering? Spontaneous spiritual outbursts?

Reassuring to finally know.