Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Hillary à La Carte

One key to healthy eating is to keep it simple: Have some meatloaf, but skip the mashed potatoes; have a little pie, but forgo the ice cream. I think this is a lesson that can be extended into the political arena. To celebrate the fact that the Democratic presidential nominee has finally been decided, I’m going to indulge.

So, Barack, listen up. You are the man. Now, Mr. Man, what we want to know is, will Hillary be your running mate?

There are a lot of things about Hillary that would be good for you: She’s a policy wonk, work horse, one of the most experienced pols in the country, stands shoulder to shoulder with you on almost all the issues, and is one determined woman. For a lot of people, the two of you would be a dream ticket – in one fell swoop, unite the party and crush McCain come November.

But, as everyone knows, if you pick Hillary, you get soooo much more. There’s her official pit bull, Harold Ickes. There’s her hubby, Bill, who, as soon as he got involved with her campaign, quickly burst out of his elder-statesman costume like the Incredible Hulk on a rampage, and who just yesterday called a reporter a “scumbag.” Yikes! And then there’s the daughter... no, wait, we love Chelsea. She could give your girls some sound tips about growing up in the White House and still turning out normal.

We totally get it: Hillary et al is probably more than you want to or could swallow. What if, however, in exchange for making her your Number Two, Harold has to go serve in the Middle East for a few years, preferably in a part of the desert where the cellular service is spotty? And Bill could be US ambassador to England and hang out with old pal Tony, if he can get over Tony making George his new BFF before Bill’s seat in the Oval Room was barely cold. With both these dudes out of the country, you could have Hillary à la carte (with a little Chelsea on the side).

Even with Hillary on her own, take small bites and chew thoroughly before swallowing.

1 comment:

Queen of Snark said...

Gloria, you go girl. Great observations (how do we get rid of those troublesome old reprobate uncles, especially the ones that wear black socks with their sandals?)

But as formidable and talented as Hillary is, I just don't think there's any way she'll be veep. Why would O want THREE people in the WH who think they should be prezzz? (Ooops, that was your point, wasn't it?)

Poor Hillary needs to take some gracious pills and fade away. She can take on Teddy's role as conscience of the Senate while he goes through chemo.

But OH OH OH what a let down. SO sad. I hope she doesn't have her Al Gore post-Florida recount moment -- blowing up 40 pounds by watching re-runs on cable and mainlining Doritos.

No, Hil's still got mountains to climb. She can ROCK that Senate for years to come, she is in Patrick Moynihan's old seat, after all. Or maybe she'll take Sandra Day O'Connor's seat on the Supremes... That would be cool...